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It's heaven to watch her enjoy herself. There's nothing like spoiling someone who deserves it.
“I know you better than that.” Though considering my past with women—especially one in particular whose name I refuse to mention or even think of, if I can help it—I can understand why she would go out of her way to assure me.
“This might sound stupid, but I feel like I should have a better idea of what I want out of life.”
“There is plenty of time to figure out what you want to do with your life. I don't know why society expects everyone to know what they want to do the second they turn eighteen. Most people don't even know what they want to do for a job until they're older, and then they've wasted years doing something they've hated simply for a paycheck and insurance. There's more to life than surviving. As you grow up, it's like you understand what you want most out of life.”
“I know, but with the baby and everything...” She lowers the rest of her focaccia to the plate, and her dark brows draw together. I can see the worry lines creasing her forehead, and I want to kick myself for the direction this conversation has gone.
“That's the thing about having money. It gives you options. If you want to hire a nanny and work full-time? Go ahead. If you want to go back to school? Be my guest. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom and volunteer a few hours a week somewhere, that's fine with me. You can do whatever you want. I'll be here for you, supporting you, with whatever it is you decide to do.”
“Wow.” She sighs. “I'm sorry, I just never thought about it that way. There are so many options available.”
“Compromising is a thing of the past.” Eventually, I'm going to make sure she understands that. I never imagined the joy of being able to open up my world to someone else. Yes, there are risks with my job and the people I associate with but also benefits.
All at once her head snaps up, and a soft smile touches her lips. “This song. It was one of my mom's favorites.”
I recognize the instrumental version of an old 80s love song coming from speakers somewhere in the dining room. The way she beams, paired with the candlelight and the flowers and the sense of there being nobody in the world except the two of us, leaves me doing something wholly out of character.
“Dance with me?” She blushes and lets out a giggle when I push my chair back from the table. I'm certain she's going to brush me off and tell me I'm crazy, but when I extend a hand to her, she places hers against my palm and stands.
“You're the most perfect kind of crazy.”
I can't disagree. “It's a good thing you already knew that.”
Her petite frame melts into mine when I place my hand against the small of her back and pull her close. The soft, gentle rhythm is easy to fall into, and soon we're swaying in time. I've never considered myself a romantic—more like the farthest thing from it. Still, I'd be kidding myself if I didn't acknowledge the magic of this moment.
If only she hadn't mentioned her mother. I didn't need a reminder of the dark cloud parked over my head. She casts a shadow on everything, all the time. I need to tell her.Not yet. Not just yet.
Let us have this night.
“Are you okay? Where did you go?”
I look down at her to find a puzzled, concerned look in her eyes. “I guess I was thinking about how old it makes me that I remember when this song came out.”
Disbelief shines in her pretty eyes. “You're such a liar.”
“What? You don't think I'm that old? I'll do you one better. I remember watching a guy lip-sync this song on an old TV show, with girls in golden leotards dancing in a circle around him. The 80s were a different time. Kinda like you had to be there to experience it.”
“You know that's not what I meant. I just… it looked… you looked at me like you were worried.”
“My mind tends to wander sometimes. I'm sorry. I'm not worried, and you deserve my full attention, little bird.” My grin must be natural enough to convince her since she lets it be and instead rests her cheek against my shoulder, letting out a happy little sigh that unlocks something in my chest. Something warm and sweet.
She keeps finding ways to crack me open and expose me to a more profound love than I've felt before. That love will never be enough to wash away my guilt, however. She deserves to know that I played a part in her mother's murder. I know I didn't pull the trigger, but I didn't have to, to know I was partially responsible for her death. I've stirred up trouble in Bianca's life for longer than I knew she existed, and I need to make things right. There needs to be a clean slate for us moving forward.
But not now. Not quite yet.I need to soak in her love a little while longer.
Her shining, dark hair smells of lavender when I lower my head to place a kiss on her temple. “I love you. No matter what happens, no matter who gets in our way. I need you to know that will never change. In my heart, this is who and where we are. The two of us, dancing like this. Forever.”
“I wish this night would never end.”
“We'll have to come back here. This can be our place. To hell with anybody who's got a reservation—they can come back another time. I want to be here with my girl.”
“Hopefully, one day soon, we won't have to hide. Everything will be safe, and there won't be any fears of Jack or his men attacking us.” I don't know that we'll ever have a day without any lingering fears of the enemy lying in wait, but I do know things will be better than they are now.Eventually.
“That day is coming. I promise.” I hold her tighter, closing my eyes and sucking in deep breaths of her scent into my nose. Savoring her warmth, her body's soft curves, and the way it moves with mine. “This is us, here, in this moment. Nothing is going to change us. I refuse to let that happen.”
I'm reminded then that there is no controlling Bianca. This is her life as well, and she deserves to have a say in what happens, so even if it kills me to lose her after my confession, I'll have no option but to let her go if that's what she wants.
