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“I want you to know that this doesn't change anything. I'm still hurt, and we still have a lot of things to work out.”
“I have all the time in the world for you–and us.”
This time, the tears sparkling in her eyes seem to carry hope and happiness. “Callum, you know I love you. I want us to have a life together.”
“So… it's a yes?”
“It's a yes.”
Thank you Lord. I'm not sure what I would've done if she said no.
BIANCA
Ican't pretend it isn't a huge relief to be back in Callum's bed. No,ourbed. I need to stop thinking of it as my bed, my room, my home. We're supposed to be getting married, after all.
Married.It's been less than twenty-four hours since he proposed, so I'm nowhere near used to the idea yet. It will feel more real when I get a ring—not if, since I know Callum better than to think he wouldn't give me one. Once I have that, I'll feel like an engaged girl—a fiancée.
The rush of excitement that floods me when I think about it dries up reasonably quick when my brain keeps moving. It's not enough for me to lie here, basking in sunlight and love, feeling happy. Right away, Tatum's face flashes in my mind. How will she feel about it? And Dad. I don't need to wonder about him. It's going to take a while for him to come around.
I don't want to think about any of that right now. I want to be happy for a little while. To live in the moment instead of thinking two steps ahead all the time.
When I get out of my own head and back into bed with my fiancé—nope, still not used to it—there's a sense of everything being the way it's supposed to be again, even if I still feel guarded. I told him his proposal didn't change things, and I meant it.
Now that we're back together like this, I only want to forget everything and start again. It would be easiest that way, for both of us. I don't want to fight. I want to look forward to the future with hope.
That's not how you fix problems, though. It would be the same as telling him that what he did was okay. That in the end, all it will take is a few days of being apart for me to come around and go back on all of my principles. It's no way to build a relationship. If my time with Lucas taught me anything, it was that it was way too easy for me to forgive simply because it was easier not to fight. I didn't want to be that girl anymore. I wanted to be the one who stood up for what she believed in and had her thoughts and wishes respected.
The pleasant ache between my thighs is a reminder of the way we spent last night. The twisted sheets and pillows strewn over the bed are another reminder. By the time we finished making up, I was as frantic to make up for lost time as he was. Even a few days may as well have been a lifetime when you crave someone the way we do each other. We didn't get much sleep. However, I don't think either of us would complain much about that.
“I think I want to quit my job.”
Callum lifts his head from where it's been resting on my stomach for the past few minutes. He might even have started to doze, yet my sudden announcement seems to have woken him up. “Pardon?”
“I think it's the best thing to do.” I didn't know I was thinking about it, not seriously. Saying it out loud, though, crystalizes the idea and makes it real.
“How so?” I have to give him credit for not rubbing his hands together like the evil villain who's getting his way. He must be thrilled since he already wanted me to quit once, but now he's trying to do the right thing and be supportive.
“Well, for starters, there's the fact that I really should be getting up and getting ready to go into the office right now,” I explain while stroking his hair. “I can't help but lie here feeling guilty, because I have a job and a degree. If I'm being honest, I don't want to return to that job or even that field of work.”
“There's nothing wrong with that.”
“There is when you consider how many people don't love their job. But they still go, don't they? They don't use it as an excuse the way I am.”
Callum gives me a knowing look, “I think you've had more than enough reasons to be out of work lately.”
“I know, but things are better now.”
It's apparent before he even says a word that he disagrees. It's becoming easier to read his facial cues, primarily when his eyebrows draw together and his mouth screws up in a frown yet he doesn't say anything right away, I know he's weighing his options. Trying to figure out what to say without upsetting me. “I don't know if I could handle you leaving the safety of our home to go to work every day. I think I'd need to make sure you have a bodyguard with you at all times.”
That's funny. Right away, I want to tell him no. That I would be safe and he wouldn't need to worry. I don't want him always hovering over me, concerned and obsessed with my safety. Except, that's a lie. The Moronis are still out there, and I'm not going to lie to him and say it wouldn't give me all kinds of anxiety to go back to work, to park in the same garage where Tatum and I were taken. “Truthfully, I don't know if I want to play with that kind of anxiety. I mean, with the baby and everything.”
“That's understandable.”
“Still, I refuse to let this rule my life. I don't want to turn into a recluse who hides in her home, never going anywhere or doing anything.”
“I would never ask you to do that. I know I talk a lot about wanting to keep you here, however you need to be able to leave the house, to go out and do things.” It's refreshing to hear him say that and to know that he sees me, that I'm not just a precious jewel meant to sit on his shelf.
“It's not all bad. I wasn't ever really happy there.”
