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A trap I pushed them into in an effort to protect her and our unborn child.
BIANCA
“This isn’t easy for me,” my father rambles on as we reach the interstate and merge into traffic.
It’s not very heavy at this time of night, and I hope we don’t end up getting stuck in a jam somewhere. The sooner we are at the safe house, the sooner I’ll be able to breathe easier. Not easy, but easier than I am now, with my heart in my throat and a sense of dread drumming in my head.
“You think it’s fun for me?” I counter. “I don’t like this any more than you do.”
“You have a choice. That’s what I need you to get through your head. You don’t have to go through this.” His hands tighten around the wheel, his shoulders rising as he takes a ragged breath. “He doesn’t own you. You get to make your own choices.”
“I realize all of that.”
“Are you sure?”
The anger bubbling in his voice tells me I need to take a breath and smooth things over before we steer this conversation into dangerous territory. What I need most at this point is his support to keep me centered, and that’s not going to happen if we’re sniping at each other and hurling ugly words.
“I know it sounds crazy,” I begin as calmly as I can.
“I can think of a few other adjectives for it.”
My teeth sink into my tongue.Don’t take the bait. Don’t let this devolve any further.“I’m sure you can, and I don’t need to hear them.”
“I don’t know what else I can say to get through to you.”
“It’s not a matter of getting through to me. Would you please stop? I’m upset enough as it is.”
Captain Last Word won’t let it go at that. “You don’t need this. That’s all I’m saying.” Before I can argue, he holds up a hand and shakes his head. “Listen to me. I understand I was wrong about Callum. But that doesn’t make him a good guy. Even if he was, he’s involved with too many people who aren’t. And they want to hurt him.”
When all I do is stare out the window, still biting my tongue, he sighs. “You know that old saying? You don’t just marry a person. You marry their family. That applies here, too. You are looking to get involved in this entire world, and you’re carrying a child. Do you want them exposed to this?”
“It’s not like I don’t see your side of things,” I murmur, choosing my words carefully. If anything, this is something to think about besides the explosion and the fact that Callum could be under attack at this very moment for all I know. “And I’m not saying it doesn’t matter. It does. But I love him.”
“Bianca…”
“I do. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it. You don’t think I tried? You don’t think I told myself so many times this couldn’t possibly end well? Trust me, Dad. I know.”
“And yet you walk into it with your eyes wide open.”
“That’s just my point. There’s nothing else I can do. I can’t force myself to stop loving somebody. Could you force yourself to stop loving Mom?”
“I don’t appreciate you throwing that in my face.”
“I’m not. I’m only trying to show you my side of things. If there was any way I could get through this life without Callum, it would be different. I might be able to walk away. But that’s just it. There is no going through life without him. That’s the only way I can think to describe it.”
Silence falls between us. It doesn’t feel cold, and it’s not tense either. I wish he would say something. I wish I could think of something else to say, anything that might help him understand where I’m coming from.
“I can’t stand watching you walk headfirst into this,” he finally admits. “That’s all. I do want us to have a better relationship. I want us to be a family. But you can’t expect me to be okay right now. I’m driving you to a safe house. Doesn’t that seem out of the ordinary?”
“You know it does. But I’m not running away ever again. I know where I belong.” And when I say the words out loud, when I feel them on my tongue and hear my thoughts being given a voice, I know I’m right. I’m doing the best thing for me and my baby. I’ve chosen this life and everything that goes along with it.
“So long as you’re sure.”
“I am,” I whisper. He sounds so despondent. No matter how much I want to tell myself otherwise, his sadness is going to weigh on me. It’s going to color every interaction we have until the day finally comes when he can move past this ugly, horrible night.
Maybe around the time the baby graduates high school, I guess.
“These new headlights…” Dad’s grumbling stirs me out of my brooding.
