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Last year, I spent Chloe’s birthday in Paris with her and Cynthia. We started it out at a café, eating chocolate-stuffed croissants. Then we went in and out of tiny boutiques, all three of us finding outfits from unknown designers—one of which ended up featured in the April edition ofJolie—and then we dressed and went to dinner with Peter, the sparkling Eiffel Tower the backdrop.
This year, we woke up early, ate waffles on Styrofoam plates in the park with Jay, FaceTimed Cynthia and Peter, and then donned matching shirts with Taylor Swift’s face on them for what Chloe deemed the best night of her life.
Yes, Jay and Dexter wore Taylor Swift T-shirts, and I’m pretty sure Jay knew more of the words to Taylor’s songs than Chloe and Del, which he scream-sang out of the top of the limo down the streets of Boston after the concert. Chloe’s smile was wider than anything I’d ever seen, and her joy was blinding. Sophie kept squeezing my hand and pointing at her and Jay. It really was beautiful watching how quickly they had bonded.
We ended it with ice cream cones. We stuck a candle in Chloe’s, then broke out in a rowdy rendition of “Happy Birthday.”
It wasn’t just the best night of Chloe’s life. It was one of the greatest of mine.
Since then, every day like clockwork, Jay sends a song to Chloe, and then he and I share a cup of coffee while we listen to the one he’s selected for me for the day. We talk about business. About the merger. Ideas I have for the whiskey company as well as the magazine. Jay listens thoughtfully to every word. He advises when something is too far-fetched, and stares at me in awe when I come up with something he hadn’t thought of yet.
And I do the same when he points out something that would be good for the magazine. Ideas Cynthia and I never came close to even dreaming of.
We’re good for one another. At work and personally.
And slowly, he joins Chloe and me for dinner a few times a week. We don’t want to push it all on her too quickly, but I’m impressed by how well she’s handled the changes. Every time I watch her chatter with Jay over dinner, I fall a little more in love with him.
Which is probably dangerous.
But I can’t seem to make myself care.
I haven’t spoken to any of my brothers since the encounter with Carter in my office. Cash has been a complete tyrant since losing Grace. He refuses to listen to anyone when we tell him she’s not to blame for what happened. And until Carter gets on his damn knees and apologizes, I won’t be speaking to him. As for Chase, he’s been missing for weeks. I love them all, but every one of them is acting like a child these days. I’ve spent my life worrying about them, but for once, I’m focusing on me.
“Cat, you need to hear the song Jay sent today,” Chloe says as she settles herself on the counter while I do my hair. This is another new normal. She comes in while I’m getting ready, and we listen to Jay’s song. When it’s over, we chat about what she has going on for the day.
I never thought I’d care about what Lyla is wearing to the school dance or why Alana shouldn’t wear white when she has her period.
I never thought I’d be discussing periods with Chloe at all.
But here we are. And my daughter opens up to me more every day. Our relationship grows in an organic way. It almost feels easy. Normal. How it was meant to be.
“What song, Bug?”
She rolls her eyes and laughs, then she hits Play. Taylor Swift’s “Never Grow Up” comes on, making me blink back the prickle of tears. “He’s so embarrassing, Cat. But I can’t wait to hear him sing this one tonight.”
I clear my throat. “You’re actually going to Sophie’s tonight. I have that date.”
Her face falls. “Oh, I thought Jay mentioned Chinese food and watchingAmerica’s Got Talent.”
Swallowing hard, I busy myself putting my makeup away. “I’ll record it, and we can watch it tomorrow, okay?”
“Yeah,” Chloe says, but her tone is full of disappointment. She slides off the counter and heads for the door but stops when she reaches it. Looking back, she meets my eyes in the mirror. “Do you like Jay?”
I can’t help the laugh that escapes. We are so past like. Turning around and giving her my full attention, I reply, “Of course I do.”
“Then why are you dating other people?” she asks, her frown marring her face.
I sigh. “That’s not an easy answer, Chlo.”
While I believe in honesty, there are things I just can’t share with her. I’ll never tell her all the details about what happened between Jay and me because I would never want to jeopardize her relationship with her father.
“He likes you,” she counters.
“I know.” Scanning her face, I sigh. “It’s complicated.”
She bites at her nail, still watching me in the mirror. She’s working through her thoughts, and all I can do is be patient. None of this is easy for any of us. “I like it when he’s here.”
“He’s not going anywhere.”
