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I’m nervous. It’s not something I can hide. It’s uncontrollable, really. I may have forced Catherine to agree to this marriage, and I know she’ll go through with it for her family, but ultimately, I don’t want her to recite her vows out of obligation.
Pacing the length of the roof, I wonder if I made a mistake. The fact that there were only two rooms in her apartment meant she would eventually be forced to share a bed with me. Now, she’ll have all the space in the world.
If she even agrees to my plan.
Fuck, what if she doesn’t agree?
What if she isn’t ready to move Chloe again?
What if she says no toeverything?
I press my hand to my heart and take a steadying breath. Cat cannot see me squirming like this. But the sweat dotting my forehead is a clear giveaway to my current state. It’s almost November, and I’m on a rooftop in Boston. Even with the space heaters set up to warm the area, it’s still chilly.
Butfuck, I’m nervous.
Today, Catherine’s dreams came true. She’s wanted to be editor in chief ofJoliesince well before the moment I first set eyes on her.
The only thing I’ve ever wanted is for her to be mine.
And today, I hope I can make both our dreams come true.
I check the time on my phone again and frown. She’s late. I scroll the list of songs on the playlist to distract myself from the panic bubbling up inside me. Years’ worth of music. It’s been a while since I’ve pulled it up. For a long time, the only way I could get through the day was by listening to the songs from the beginning of our relationship. Those were the moments where I didn’t know if I could go on breathing if we weren’t sharing the same air.
I survived on these songs and hope.
Hope that one day I’d do exactly this.
Hope that Catherine James would one day willingly become my wife.
58
MARRY ME BY TRAIN
Cat
By some kind of miracle, Sienna Langfield happened to be in Boston today and agreed to meet me at her brother’s brownstone. I had to cancel my plans with Jay, but I couldn’t miss this opportunity. And if anyone knows that business waits for no one, it’s him.
Standing on the sidewalk in front of the tall red-brick building, I’m taken aback by just how gorgeous it is. It sits across from a park dotted with trees whose leaves are every shade of fall. And its proximity to the water means there must be one hell of a view from the rooftop.
Like most brownstones, this one has almost no yard, so I imagine it has a decorated roof.
A place like this would be incredible for Chloe. The wide-open park we’d enjoy for at least three of the seasons, with running trails that would help ease my anxiety.
I can almost picture it. Walking hand in hand with Jay on the meandering paths while Chloe fills us in on her day. Maybe pushing a stroller or teaching a child to ride a bike.
I’ve never given myself the permission to think like this. Never wondered what it would be like to have more children. To have a partner to share my life with.
There was no point, because I never allowed myself to consider a life with anyone but Jay.
But standing in front of this brownstone has all those thoughts flooding my mind.
I dig through my bag and pull out my phone.
“Aren’t you supposed to be in a meeting?” Sophie answers.
“Do you think Jay will want more kids?” I rush out, my breath uneven.
“Cat,” she says softly.
