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Jay
The only time my brain shuts down and allows me a reprieve from the guilt and planning and scheming I’ve been consumed with for years is when I’m gliding across the ice. As my stick connects with the puck and sends it flying into the net, I can’t stop the cocky smile that spreads across my face. “Take that, motherfuckers!”
My brother Hayden grumbles from the net, “Next time, it’s Hansons against the rest of you. I’m tired of having Kevin on my team.”
Kevin skates up next to me and glares. “That was a cheap shot you took back there.”
I laugh it off as Gavin Langfield, the owner of this rink, skates up and claps me on the back. “No way, Hanson. We’re keeping this one. Maybe if you stayed on this side of the pond more often, you wouldn’t be out of practice, and you could block your brother’s shots.”
Hayden grumbles again. To be fair, he’s running on only a few hours of sleep. He flew in from London late last night. He runs the European operation of Hanson Liquors, while Garreth and I handle business here in Boston.
Garreth, being the grumpy bastard he is, didn’t show up this morning. He rarely joins us for our Thursday morning skates, but I don’t miss a single one. My time with the guys on the ice is the only thing that’s helped me get through the past decade.
Beckett Langfield, Gavin’s brother, offers me a fist bump. “This has been fun, but I have to get to the office. Drinks tonight?”
“Can’t. I’m heading to Bristol this afternoon. Not sure what time I’ll be back,” I reply, skating back to the bench.
Gavin whistles in surprise behind me. “It’s time, then, huh?”
“Time for what?” Kevin asks, as if I haven’t been counting down to this moment for the last few years.
Hayden laughs as he drops to the bench and snags his water bottle. “Time for my baby brother to get his girl back.”
* * *
The driveto Bristol doesn’t bother me as much as it normally does. My phone is connected to Bluetooth and shuffling through Kitten’s Songs, and for once, I find myself smiling as I listen to the soundtrack of the early part of our relationship.
For years, I beat myself up over how we met. Stewed in the what-ifs.
What if I’d been open with Cat when she first told me who she was? Would things have gone differently? Would she have accepted my truth? That I had started out hating her family. That her father and my mother had an affair that cost my mother her life. That because of their indiscretions, I set out for revenge. But that when I met her, I was willing to give all that up.
No. She probably wouldn’t have believed me. Would have hated me. Even if she hadn’t, keeping that secret from her family, from her brothers, would have eaten at her.
Instead, I’ve watched her from a distance for years. Pined for the woman whose heart I broke. But I had to keep my distance. The Mob knew I wasn’t responsible for the stolen money. They knew I was protecting someone. I couldn’t let them see me even talking to Cat. There was no way I’d be able to hide my love for her if we were face to face, and the men who were watching me wouldn’t hesitate to dig into our relationship if they knew one existed.
She was my weakness.Ismy weakness. The only person I’ve ever truly cared about. The one person I’d give up everything for.
By staying away from her—by hurting her—I protected her.
And now that the last of the two men who were present when my father uttered her name is dead and the debt is paid in full, I’m taking back what’s mine.
I pull into the circular driveway and turn off my music, allowing the car to settle, along with my heart rate. I’ve been coming to meet with Theo James in secret for the last thirteen years. He’s like the father I never had. Or maybe who my father was before my mother cheated and his sole purpose in life became revenge. With a long exhale, I let go of the comparison.
Theo stands on the front porch waiting for me. Just like he did all those years ago when he finally told me the dirty truths that changed everything.
I step out of the car and suck in the warm spring air. Birds chirp, and the sun beams down on me. Even though Bristol is just over an hour from the city skyscrapers in Boston, it’s like a completely different world.
“Jay,” the old man says as he strolls up to greet me with his hand extended. When I put my hand in his, he pulls me in for a hug. I don’t get the feeling that Theo James is a big hugger. I think he just knows that I’m starved for affection. “It’s good to see you,” he says in his gruff tone as he pulls away and leads me toward the house.
“Is Carolyn home?” I ask.
He shakes his head. His wife is never home when I’m here. We’ve always kept our meetings between the two of us. But after today, that will change. “She’s in Nashville visiting with Cash. I swear that woman has more energy than any of her grandkids. She’s been like a mother hen worrying over Carter and Chase these last few weeks, wishing she could get Carter to settle down. Flew straight to Nashville from Boston, since she made a stop to visit with Cat too.” He winces as he says her name. But it’s not a sore subject anymore. In fact, all I want is to know more. How is she? Is she happy?
Is she…seeing anyone?
I have no right to the twisting that occurs in my stomach when I imagine Cat with someone else, but I can’t change my body’s reaction to the idea of another man touching her.
Or a woman.
