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Cat’s face is ghostly white, and she stands stock-still. “Jay,” she chokes out. “I’ll walk you out.” To Chloe, she says, “Here, Bug. You can have your snacks. I’ll be back in a minute.” She drops the Twizzlers onto the desk and follows me out of the office.
I stomp down the hall, desperate to get as far away from the room as possible. I don’t want Chloe to hear me lose it.
“Jay, wait,” Cat whisper-shouts, trailing behind me.
I spin. The roses I’m still clutching whip in the air, and a few petals fall to the ground. “Is she my daughter?”
Cat’s eyes plead with me to understand. But I don’t even know what I’m supposed to understand.
“Answer me,” I demand.
“Yes,” she whispers, tears filling her eyes. “Yes, she’s our daughter.”
My heart beats wildly in my chest and my vision tunnels. Cat reaches out for me, but I yank my arm back.
“Don’t touch me,” I hiss. “Were you ever going to tell me?”
Tears fall down Cat’s face. I don’t reach to wipe them away. I’m too blinded by my anger to comfort her.
We have a child. A daughter. I’ve missed out on everything.
“Tonight. I was going to tell you tonight,” she sobs.
I nod. That’s all the information I need. I push the flowers toward her, unable to bear looking at them.
They’re too happy. Too bright.Too her.
And then I run.
* * *
It takes me over an hour,but I don’t remember a minute of the drive. My mind blanked the second I pulled out of the lot, and I relived every moment of my time with Cat thirteen years ago.
The first time I laid eyes on her in the coffee shop. Our train rides. The day she punched me in the face. Our first kiss, when the world simply stopped around us, and I knew that nothing would ever matter more to me than her.
Teaching her how to give a blowjob in the library, where she literally schooled me.
The first time we made love. The first time I’devermade love to anyone.
Since that first day, she’s been it. My constant. The only thing that mattered…until now.
I have a daughter.
My head spins.
I asked Theo for one thing when he came to the hospital. One thing only.
“You’ll let me know if she ever needs me, though, right? If she’s in danger, or…” I don’t even know what I’m asking. The only danger she’d face would come from being with me. If I let her go, if I let her believe it was all a lie, she’ll be safe.
Theo watches me for a long time, taking in my deteriorated state. The atrophied muscles and the sallow skin. Spending a month in a coma can wreak havoc on even the strongest people. His jaw is tight, but his eyes are filled with the pain he knows we’re both going to inflict on his granddaughter, the woman I love. But I force him to agree. I force him to promise that he’ll keep her from me. That he’ll keep her safe.
He places his hand on my forearm and squeezes lightly. “You’re nothing like your father,” he says, his eyes glossy with tears. “Nothing. And one day”—his voice cracks—“one day, son, I hope she knows that.”
I bang on the front door like I have a right to be here. Like I have a right to my anger.
The only person to blame for this mess is me. But that doesn’t stop me from banging.From screaming.From yelling at the top of my lungs. Catherine’s grandmother opens the door with a glare that could cut ice. “Jonathan Hanson, calm the hell down!” she scolds.
“Where’s the phone?” I shout, darting past her into the house, my focus trained on one thing and one thing only.
