Page 80 of Extra Dirty


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But here’s the thing about me. When I’m told I can’t do something, that’s when I dig in. So I stare down my brother, determined to make this right. “It’s done.”

Cash swipes a stack of papers off his desk and growls. “Stop acting like you can decide this.”

I’ve had enough of his anger for today. “I’m not an idiot, Cash. I can see it written all over your face. You told Grace about Chase, didn’t you? You’re the loose lip. So don’t fucking tell me what I can and can’t do.” I plant both feet on the floor and drag myself to the edge of my chair. “I told you to stay away from her, and you didn’t listen. Now we have to clean up this mess. I won’t let this information come to light. It will destroy Chase if this is made public. Let alone Carter’s unidentified child. Jesus Christ, we’re a fucking disaster of a family; it’s pathetic. What will Pa say? I’m doing what has to be done,” I grit out, pointing a finger at him, “and you’ll let me, because it’s your fucking fault we’re in this mess.”

Cash’s silence confirms my theory. The devastated look on his face brings my anger down a few notches, but before I can apologize for jumping down his throat, he stalks out of the office, and I’m left staring at my hands, wondering what the hell I’ve done.

37

ATLANTIS BY SEAFRET

JAY

Frank is the last person I thought I’d hear from after the fallout. But he didn’t know who else to call, and after what I did to Grace, I have no choice but to show up.

Cash didn’t even give her a chance to explain. He tore her apart and left her, crying and confused, in a puddle on the floor.

Riding the elevator up to the penthouse for the first time in thirteen years hurts more than I expected it would. So many things that happened today were set in motion the first time Cat brought me here. When she told me who she was. When she begged me not to walk away. When I almost did just that.

But then I won her back and fell so fucking hard for her. And I’ll never regret a moment of it. Because being loved by Cat is the only thing I want out of this life. She’s the reason behind everything I’ve done since the day I put her on a plane to Paris and told her I’d meet her there.

It’s the reason I destroyed this woman. The one curled into a ball on the floor in front of me.

I recognize her symptoms. I know them well. The haunted eyes. The distress.

Heartbreak.

There is no cure.

Time doesn’t heal.

Words won’t help.

Losing a love like what she and Cash shared, like Cat and I share, doesn’t just destroy a person. It eviscerates every fiber of their being. It makes it so that merely standing hurts. Living is a chore. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on my worst enemy, yet I did it to someone as undeserving as Grace Kensington.

I snake my arms under her and pull her against my body. “Shh, Grace, I got you. I’ll make this all better, I promise,” I say as her tears soak my shirt.

Frank watches on, his fists clenched and his jaw tight. Pure hatred radiates from him. He has no idea. What he knows doesn’t even come close to scratching the surface.

I hate myself for what I’m doing, but in the end, my girls are all that matter. And one day, Cat will understand. One day, she’ll love me again.

I hope.

With Grace in my arms, I pass the security guards in the lobby and the tourists on the street who turn and stare. Frank holds open the SUV door, and I climb inside and silently settle Grace on my lap, knowing nothing I say will make this better.

38

YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL BY LANA DEL REY

Cat

Idon’t take the car back to my office. Instead, I aimlessly wander around the city for hours. Turning down streets I don’t recognize, getting lost in the crowds of people who go about their days happily, or distractedly, or without their hearts shattered into a million pieces.

Somehow, hours later, I end up back at the James building, with my finger pressed on the elevator button for the roof. Because of course that’s where my body takes me. Where my soul leads me. Back to the start.

I shouldn’t be here. This is Cash’s place now. But I need the space. I need to return to the place where I spent so many nights falling in love with Jay. I need to somehow make sense of how we got to where we are now.

But there’s no making sense of it.

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