Page 95 of Extra Dirty


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“That was my father? In your office last week?” Her brows knit together and she nibbles on her lip nervously as she puts the pieces together.

I explained how her father came back into my life recently. That we’ve reconnected, but that’s as far as we’ve gotten.

Gulping down my fears, I nod. “That was your father.”

She picks at an invisible speck on the couch beside her leg and peers up at me. “That day…in your office…did he leave because of me?”

“No, Bug, absolutely not,” I rush to assure her. “He left because ofme.” I squeeze my hands into fists to fight off the way they shake.

“Because he didn’t know about me?” Her voice cracks on the last word.

I take another deep breath. “He didn’t know about you, no. But not because I didn’t want to tell him. I was going to tell him that night.”

In my periphery, Cynthia shifts and folds her hands in her lap, but I keep my focus on Chloe.

“And he was upset?” she asks in the tiniest voice.

“He was upset that he didn’t know you. He wasnotupset about you being here. Only that he’s missed out on so much of your life.”

“But I thought he didn’t want to be part of my life,” she says in a rush. She looks from me to Cynthia and then back again, wearing a frown. “Don’t take the blame for him.”

I glance at Cynthia. “There’s no easy way to explain it. Yes, I told him about you, but he never got my messages. He had been in an accident, and when he recovered, he didn’t have access to his phone. All this time, I thought he just left me. No one is to blame, Bug. It’s just…a bad situation.”

“And now? Does he want to know me?”

The crack in her voice has me dropping to my knees in front of her and resting my palms on her thighs. “Yes. He wants to know you and be a parent to you. How we go about this is up to you, and we can take it at whatever speed you want. But he absolutely wants to be a part of your life.”

She inspects me for a moment, then lifts her gaze to Cynthia for reassurance.

“Chlo,” she says in a soothing tone, “your father is a good man. Bad things happen sometimes, and people make mistakes, but I would never let you stay with him if I had even the slightest inkling that he would hurt you. You know that.”

My girl nods, but she tucks her chin to her chest and twists the pendant that hangs around her neck, just like she always does when she’s uncertain. We sit for a few moments in silence, and when she looks up, her blue eyes are swimming with tears. “I always wanted to meet him. I don’t know why, but I just always did. Is that wrong?”

I have to blink the tears from my eyes and clear my throat before I can respond. “Not at all. It’s natural to be curious about him, and I’m so relieved that the two of you have the chance to meet.”

“And you’ll be there?” Her eyes are huge. The unshed tears still shining in them make the blue of her irises glimmer more brightly. Her expression is a perfect mix of hope and fear. In this moment, she looks so young.

“Bug, you won’t be able to get rid of me.” I laugh, swiping at the tears that spill from my eyes.

“And you?” she asks Cynthia, who’s moved to her side.

She squeezes Chloe’s hand. “If you want me there, then yes. But I really think you and Cat should do this together.”

With a nod, she glances at me, then focuses on Cynthia again. “You’re still my mom, right?”

Cynthia wraps her arms around Chloe tightly and pulls her in for a hug. Tears shine in her eyes now too.

I drop to the floor and watch the interaction. Years ago, I made an impossible decision. One that has only grown more difficult with each passing year. But I’d make it again in a heartbeat. Because what Cynthia gave my daughter, what she continues to give her, is something so utterly beautiful in its complexity that it makes all of this worth it.

“Always, Chlo, always.”

* * *

Hours later,I tuck Chloe in for the night. As I shuffle to her bedroom door, she calls for me. “Can you tell me about him?”

I take a minute to compose myself, sucking in a breath and fixing a smile to my face, then I turn back to her. “Of course. What do you wanna know?” I settle on the bed next to her and stroke her hair.

“How did you meet?”

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