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“Yeah, it was a shitty day. Especially the end.”
We’re picking up speed, and I’m already out of breath and wishing that I’d stayed in bed a little longer. Still, it’s not often that he’s willing to talk like this—to apologize, even—and to give me his undivided attention at the same time, so I’m going to take full advantage of this run. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”
“No.”
Okay, so much for that willingness to talk.
“Do you want to talk about why you’re so hot and cold with me, then?”
It’s a question I probably shouldn’t be asking right now, given his dark mood. But dammit, it’s also a question that’s been on my mind for a while, and I think I deserve an answer.
Judging by the way he’s pressing his lips together into a thin line, I’m guessing he thinks differently.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, his accent making each word sound even more clipped than normal. “I feel I’ve been pretty straightforward with you this entire time.”
“Do you?” A bitter laugh tries to escape my throat but it sounds more like I’m panting for air as I struggle to keep up with him. “Because it feels like we make progress and take one step forward together just to take two steps back the very next day. And it keeps happening. It happened in New York. It happened in L.A.” I have to stop running because I can’t keep yelling at him and keep exercising at the same time. “It happened yesterday, Keir.”
He stops a few feet in front of me and shoots an annoyed look back over his shoulder in my direction. “Are we really going to have this conversation right now? Out here in public?”
I open my arms, gesturing to the street on one side of us and the park coming up on the other. “Look around, Keir. We’re basically the only two people in Glasgow who are foolish enough to be outside right now. So yes, I do want to have this conversation right now. Right here.”
“Fine. Here’s the truth. I like you, Ella. Sometimes I think I might like you a little too much. But then I remember all the reasons why you and I can’t ever work as a couple. Aside from the fact that you’re too young—which is still an important factor, by the way—I need to know that my partner, my girlfriend, my wife, is going to put Isla and me first in her life. Not just until something better comes along or some talent scout in Hollywood starts sniffing around.”
I take a step back, feeling like I’ve just been punched in the stomach. I can’t believe he’s throwing that talent scout thing in my face right now. Is he really going to hold that against me?
“You know how I feel about Isla,” I say, keeping my voice low so he doesn’t hear it start to tremble. “For you to suggest that I don’t put her first in my life when I spend every day with her isn’t just ignorant, it’s hurtful.”
He opens his mouth but I stop him, jabbing a finger at his chest as I start to raise my voice again in spite of my best efforts.
“And even if I did put you first in my life, can you promise you’ll give me the stability and safety and security I need? Not just money, Keir, but real stability? Emotional stability? Because that sure as hell doesn’t seem to be something you place a lot of value on.”
“You talk about emotional stability when you’re one of the most unpredictable, emotion-driven people I’ve ever met.” He shoves a hand back through his hair and shakes his head. “I swear to God, Ella—I wish you could hear yourself right now. I don’t want to call you a hypocrite, but damn. You guilt trip me into writing a check yesterday and then wake up this morning to tell me you’re after more than just my money.”
Every word out of his mouth is making me angrier and angrier. Who does he think he is? Does he really think I’m going to stand here and let him call me a hypocrite? And a gold digger on top of everything else?
“Fuck you, Keir,” I say, hating that I can feel a wave of angry, frustrated tears welling up in my eyes. I don’t want him to see me cry. I don’t want him to think he has that kind of power over me. “If I’m a hypocrite, then you’re an asshole. An asshole who only thinks about himself and his own selfish needs.”
“I’m done.” He holds his hands up as he backs away from me. “This conversation is over. You’re way out of line and I’m going to leave now before I say something I might regret.”
“I’m out of line?” I shout after him as he jogs away. “You’reout of line, Keir.” Tears are streaming down my face, but I don’t care. I don’t care who sees me or hears me. “Go on and run away. Run away instead of fixing this… whatever this is between us. Go on and—and go to hell.”
He doesn’t turn back, but I’m not sure whether it’s because he’s out of earshot or because he just doesn’t care.
I’m not sure it even matters anymore.
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
KEIRAN
I can’t get Ella out of my head.
I’ve been angry with her since our fight this morning, but I’m not ready to bury the hatchet yet. I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual.
We both said some shitty, hurtful things that I doubt either of us will forget for a while. Even though I’m sure this fight will blow over eventually—probably ending with apologies and some hot make-up sex—right now it feels different from the arguments we’ve had before.
The words were a little more reckless. The cuts went a little deeper.
Now I have to prepare for another tedious board meeting when all I want to do is take off and get as far away from this building and this city as possible.
