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Putting my empty mug on the patio table in Pemuteran, on the other side of the island, I exhale, satisfied, and take in the breathtaking morning view. A striking contrast to the skyscrapers that I’ll face tomorrow.
I don’t want to go back!
Don’t get me wrong, waking up to the Manhattan skyline that’s visible from my tiny Brooklyn apartment is a blast, but waves always calm me. Even when malicious ones managed to play a sick joke by sending Poseidon to save my sorry—but toned!—ass.
I suppress a grin at the memory of my recent texts with him. Nino initiated our virtual convo by thanking me for dinner. Upon his departure, we exchanged short weather reports with pics as evidence. As I admitted during my last video chat with Tom, my accident created a deeply-rooted connection, not quite a friendship. More of agemeinschaft; Nino’s instant understanding, thanks to his German skills, and agreement, made my heart swell with pride, as did the fact that he didn’t mock my word-smart mouth.
How pathetic is it that the person I’m closest to is my cousin?Admittedly, Michael Clayton, who started out as a client, quickly became a good friend, too, and unlike Tom, he lives on my side of the country.
The caffeine finally kicks in and inspires me; today’s sunrise beach pic is paired with a merman emoji. I won’t wait for my rescuer’s reply with bated breath. He’s off to his next assignment in London.
Strong arms reach around the lounge chair and drape over my shoulders. Alex’s sultry voice wrenches me from my reverie. “I can’t believe how late I slept.”
His nearness causes a smile to form on my face, but it doesn’t reach my eyes when I detect irritation. My hand covers his. “You know that it’s okay to rest when you’re on vacation, right?”
He finds my lack of knowledge about his occupation endearing. I find his dedication to his financial world overwhelming. We find our common ground satisfying enough to overlook our differences… that we settle in the bedroom, if need be.
He grabs the other seat and arranges it so that it’s parallel to mine, then sits down on its edge, his minty breath a caress on my unshaven skin. “I wish,” he eventually says. His manicured fingers creep under his pristine white T-shirt, then fumble to tighten and knot the drawstring of his PJ pants. God forbid he faces me with morning breath! As bothersome as I found some of his idiosyncrasies at first, their familiarity is comforting. I wouldn’t want to change him. He’s under thirty and is so much more mature than me.
A wicked grin flashes on his angular face as his hand slides behind my head to fist my wavy hair, tugging until I wince; his satisfied smile widens. My scalp stings. Stiffening, I welcome the jolt of warmth that instantly sparks my dick’s interest.
Easy, buddy.
This man knows what makes me tick! “You woke me up last night.” Despite his casual tone, the crease between his brows reveals that he blames me for his late start. “Again.”
“I had another nightmare.”
“So I heard!” His free hand travels up my upper thigh and under my shorts, bunching the material while his nails grate my skin. His brown eyes bore into my blues. “Who’s Silas?”
I cringe at the mention ofhisname that Alex shouldn’t be privy to. Biting my lip, I redirect my gaze to the sea to suppress my sudden queasiness. “I’m not ready,” I utter between clenched teeth.
Why does this feel likedéjà vu?
“Will you ever be?” His question irks me, drawing forth unsolicited memories. His voice is a mix of disappointment and anger. “Your reaction tells me everything I need to know.” His face comes so close that my heart hammers in my chest, and I part my lips for a much-needed kiss. He betrays me by running the tip of his tongue across the seam of my mouth, then hisses under his breath, “You never mentioned the name before, let alone told me that a guy was responsible for the nightmares you had two years ago. They’re back on, full throttle. I’m making an appointment with a therapist as soon as we get back.” I’m tempted to tell him to go fuck himself, but he’ll take my offer literally and put on a show; that sounds appealing, but I keep quiet. Honestly, I don’t recall the nightmares being so vivid back then. “This can’t last. I needed my beauty sleep after last night’s activities.” He chuckles. “Damn, you’re hornier than ever… Not that I’m complaining about the sex part, mind you!” Lifting my head, we’re almost touching.
My burning hair roots sent the wrong signal to my eager cock that’s craving sex; of course, my body associates hair-pulling with sex! “So, let me get this straight…” Alex detests this expression, which reminds him of when he came out to his mom and stepfather whom he doesn’t talk about much; needless to say, it didn’t go smoothly. For once, I don’t feel bad for being an asshole. With that, his fist releases its hold, letting my head rest on the cushion. “I’mmessing withyourbeauty sleep and ability to function.” I pause for effect. “Looks like I’m right. It’s too soon to move in together.”
I’m not ready to discuss the revival of the long-forgotten nightmares that he unfortunately witnessed on occasion; I evade spending the night whenever possible. I’m not ready to share anything about my traumatic past: the death of my parents or my troubled relationship with Silas… I’m not ready to wear Alex’s collar either, a surprise that he offered as an anniversary present.
Lucky me! To say that he was displeased by my reluctance is the understatement of the century. At least, it didn’t show in the pain he inflicted that day; I wouldn’t have complained though, because pain heightens my pleasure—and definitely his—and that’s what I crave.
My lover grunts at my observation. “Too soon to move in together? Don’t you want a future together?” I nod. “Is this because you’re still upset about the collar?” I shake my head, securing my poker face. “I thought you’d enjoy showing that you belong to me.” I blink and hold my breath. “Anyway… you’re being unfair, Ashton.” My face falls. “You’re the one keeping secrets.” No need to share Nino’s sexual orientation; that’s none of Alex’s business... Adding insult to injury would be pointless.
Oh well… Who cut the conversation short and gave me the silent treatment when I mentioned my accident? You know, I’d rather feel the tingle of your strong hand on my bare butt after you spank me, of my own accord, than be ignored. And yet, you ghosted me.
Once again, instead of voicing the words, I rein in my frustration and say in an even voice, “I’m definitely not. I can’t control my nightmares. Silas is part of my past and he’s—”
“Haunting your present and disturbing mine.” Alex’s collected façade crumbles. “You don’t trust me enough to share your past. If that’s not a clear indication that we haveanotherproblem, I don’t know what is.”
Problem… I despise that word. But then... “What exactly do you mean by ‘another’? Did I do something wrong?”
I offer a sheepish smile, although part of me refuses to feel guilty about my nightmares. It’s not like I can control them! That’s why I press, “What’s thisotherproblem that I’m obviously causing?”
He means well, but his imperious manners can be unsettling. That’s one of the reasons why I haven’t given in and left Brooklyn for his Manhattan brownstone. My brows knit as my heart drops at the implication of Alex’s words.
He goes inside and comes back with a smile on his face. Java must appease his troubled mind. He sits, facing me on his own lounge chair with one leg bent under the other. “My other problem is your newfriend.” I don’t miss his spiteful tone as he stares at me.
A shiver runs down my spine, and I let out a heavy sigh. Now isn’t the time to discuss the concept of friendship. “Are you jealous?” I inquire dumbfounded, reaching for his hand. My thumb caresses his knuckles. “Who’s not trusting the other now? We’ve established trust in the bedroom, but maybe we need a safe word outside of it.”
