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Surprisingly, Alex doesn’t respond. Ending the call wouldn’t be polite, so I opt for another approach.
“I shouldn’t have picked up.” A strangled noise on his end follows my statement. I can’t do this while driving. I clarify in a clipped tone, “Let me put you on hold. Be back in five minutes, tops.”
“No problem.” He’s uncharacteristically agreeable, but then again, he’s the one who called…
“You’re such a disappointment…”Alex’s words from months ago resurface, and I shudder. Per usual, his belittling words were poised to remind me of my supposed place in our relationship.
The parking garage is mostly empty. I easily find a spot and kill the engine.
Focus, focus, focus…
Clearing my throat, I remain in the car to get my bearings. Out of reflex, I glance at the rearview mirror, as if Alex would catch me by surprise yet again and appear in the blink of an eye. Annoyed by my reaction, I take a deep breath and unmute myself … Who would have thought that he wouldn’t hang up?
“You know, unless I missed the memo, trampling a submissive’s cut-off point isn’t how things work.” I’m fuming, which my voice can’t conceal. “I’ll never deny that I enjoy the role, but you went too far, Alex.” I spit out my truth and then some. “How dare you contact me after treating me that way. If you ask me, you’re the one who needs training: to be a better dom and a better person!”
What is happening to me? Why am I so enraged?Why am I lashing out at him? Oh, right… He trampled my boundaries once again.
Same goes for Silas. It’s definitely a common pattern. They’re two sides of the same coin.
Looking back, I now understand that moving back to California was the catalyst for breaking an established pattern. My parents’ death unsettled me and propelled me into a life where I never felt completely adequate. No matter how hard Uncle Brad and Aunt Marta tried to make me feel welcome, I remained an outsider.
Silas was one of the few things that I chose. Through Silas’s eyes, I felt stronger and began to build my new self. Succumbing to him had been my own decision. Alex’s ways had been more subtle and seemed like a better fit for me… until he betrayed me and insisted on living together and wearing his collar. As much as Silas crushed me, I resent Alex more. After all, Silas was in his early twenties with boiling hormones and limited experience as a dom. Alex was old enough to know better, and what I shared with him was of another nature… or so I thought.
“Please, hear me out. I called to make amends and apologize for my behavior. I was actually hoping to tell you in person, but from my understanding, you moved back to California and I’m still on the East Coast.” Contemplating his sincerity, I grunt. “Give me two minutes of your time… please. I should have been more respectful and—” His dictatorial tone hasn’t wavered, but his unlikely words somehow knock the wind out of me.
I quickly recover, but my previous anger has subsided. “Make amends? Apologize? Please?” Squirming in the driver’s seat, I look at the time on my phone. Traffic was light, so I have a few minutes to spare before my 8 o’clock appointment. My curiosity is piqued. “Who are you and what have you done to Alex?”
I hear a muffled chuckle. Ohhh! So he does remember that he used to have a sense of humor! “That’s precisely my point, Ashton.” His voice is a notch softer. He heaves a loud sigh at the other end of the line, no doubt relieved that I didn’t end the call. “Listen, can I ask for another favor I don’t deserve? Can we continue on video chat?”
Facing him, my chest constricts at the conflicted feelings rushing through my veins; excitement and irritation must be written all over my face. I control my breathing to pace myself. He greets me again with a gentle smile. “I promise I won’t keep you for long.”
“Why are you wearing a three-piece suit?” He looks dashing, but I won’t give him the satisfaction to admit it to his face. “Don’t tell me you’re heading to work. It’s the weekend!” How quickly I forgot his workaholic habits! He opens his mouth to speak, but I carry on, shaking my head. “Forget I said that… It’s not my place to say anything… anymore. Please, go on.”
“Okay.” His dark chocolate eyes flutter shut for a second, then shoot straight at me and strip me bare. “First, I want to clear something up. I’ve never sent you anything. I’ve learned my lesson and would never play with you. I tried to call a couple of times before, though, but didn’t leave a message. Truth is, I wanted to talk to you in person. I’m not trying to win you back; I know that ship has sailed.”
“I’m listening.”
“Let’s see… Where to begin?” I can’t believe the self-assured Alexander Dennett is hesitant. I wince as I pinch myself to check if this is real or if I’ve been propelled to an alternate universe. “I was an asshole to you, and I’m sorry. You’re right, I should have been a better dom. We were good together when we started out. I guess I took you for granted and…” The corner of his lip quirks up. “You were spot-on when you said that I was lost in translation.” His gaze doesn’t falter. “You deserve more respect than I gave you. I should have listened to your needs instead of forcing my desires on you, Ashton. I deeply regret that.” Out of habit, his fingers run through his jet-black hair that’s trimmed so short that it renders the gesture useless.
The hairs on my forearms stand under my classic dress shirt. I shiver. “Why are you telling me this? Why now?”
“I’ve put a lot of thought into what you said when you sent me packing… After you left that night, I had a long talk with Jason.”
“Who’s Jason?”
“The man I hired to train you… who ended up training me.”
I can’t help but snort at his statement. “You’ve got to be kidding me, right?”
“I’m dead serious, Ashton. The work I did with him was cathartic in a way, but let’s not get into that right now. After talking to my good friend, Noah, I thought this through… What I meant to say is that I should have shared more about my previous relationship so you’d understand where I was coming from. It’s a little too late for that; I get it. To sum it up, let’s just say that the first man I fell for helped me thrive.”
“James?”
“Yes, him. He fought for us, stood his ground with his controlling parents, and taught me so much… James was a good person. He made me the man I was when we met. I want to be that person again. Despite our chemistry, we parted ways because the uptight world he was brought up in made him stay in the closet. I had to make a decision that hurt like hell. I don’t think I ever fully recovered. I shouldn’t have engaged in a relationship when I still wasn’t over him. It wasn’t fair to you, although I genuinely loved you. That’s no excuse, but I thought you should know… and I’d like if we could stay in touch… once in a while. Touch base, you know…”
I’ve never seen Alex’s vulnerable side. It’s unsettling. “Thank you for your honesty. We can try this ‘touch base’ thing, although I can’t guarantee anything.”
He nods. “Thank you… Oh, one more thing…” My brows knit. “California agrees with you.” He’s right. “I’m happy that you got your life back on track. Don’t be a stranger!”
