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“Okay.” Depleted, I swallow my pride and remain on the threshold. Glad that each floor only has three doors—fewer people to eavesdrop—I push myself to reveal the entire truth. My eyes don’t falter. “Years ago, Silas Sanchez owned me... Literally.” As much as I stalled sharing my past with Alex, the words tumble from my mouth in front of a closed-off Nino. Still, talking about Silas reopens hidden scars that must heal for good.
Hence, I don’t spare any embarrassing details. Nino has to comprehend how Silas shaped me, used me, and betrayed my trust.
Yeah, Silas and I were like fire and ice, but we could have created fireworks if he hadn’t pushed too far or too fast, like he did the other night.Some people never learn.
“Then Silas barged into my life again, and I was startled.” Nino hasn’t budged. Blocking the entrance with his tall frame, he grunts, zooming in on me. For once, my nerves aren’t causing me to babble, and I focus on pleading my desperate case. “Silas said that time had passed and that we should talk like grown-ups.” I reluctantly admit how gullible I was and confess how things turned out the way that they did. “When I saw him again, I wrongly believed that he wanted to make amends. The mysterious sender of my surfing gifts… I should have realized they were hints announcing his comeback...”
“What gift? The sex wax?”
I nod, embarrassed yet relieved that he hasn’t shut the door in my face and is the one asking questions. “I told you I thought the anonymous gifts were Alex’s doing…” Alex, who I won’t see anytime soon. Alex, who calls on occasion. Alex, who found a new job in London. Nino grumbles something I can’t decipher; I can’t stop. “Well, when you were in Paris and saw your—” I pause, unsure how to label Jean-Baptiste Toussaint, considering how he depicted their painful reunion.
Sensing my hesitation as well as the fact that I don’t want to rub salt in his wound, he offers, “Yeah,him… Go on…”
I rub the back of my neck, gathering the courage to divulge what I’m ashamed of in retrospect. “I forgot to mention receiving another mysterious gift: a surfing leash.”
“Youforgot, huh? How convenient!”
“It wasn’t meant to be a secret. I should have picked up on the double entendre. Silas always had a sick sense of humor. Those are surfing items that I use on a regular basis. I should have paid more attention…” I bite the middle of my lower lip.
“Exactly! Dubious anonymous gifts left on your doorstep when I wasn’t around… Gifts that you accused your latest ex of sending. That should have been your first clue that something wasn’t right.”
Shifting my weight from one foot to the other, I raise my voice to counter, “Silas was supposed to be living in Australia, for Christ’s sake! Uncle Brad mentioned it in front of us… The guy was domineering but never a stalker!” My muscles ache from the pent-up tension. I break eye contact, alternatively staring at my shoes, then at him. It takes all my willpower to carry on with my humiliating confession. What made me freeze at the diner, when Silas’s overbearing possessiveness overruled my common sense.
“You sure have a taste for mercurial men…” Nino eventually concludes, closing the door a bit more. “What does that say about me?” he whispers to himself, tapping his foot.
The rhetorical question doesn’t require an answer. Who cares? It may not be a game, but today, he’s listening, so I have to make myself heard.
“It says that you’re different, and that’s what attracted me to you. It says that I’m done with the past and that I need you in my present and future. It says that we have so many beautiful things to accomplish together if you give us a chance. Please, don’t stomp on what we have—”
“Had,” he corrects me.
“Have,” I reiterate. “Don’t let Silas win.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I didn’t do shit…” He points an accusatory index finger at me, and my heart lurches. “You did this to us!”
“It’s true.” The smirk on his face guts me. “I didn’t push Silas away when he forced himself on me as soon as we left the diner that night.Ourdinner that I had picked because I felt safe there.”
“What?” Nino shakes his head in denial. “What do you mean ‘he forced himself on you’? I know what I saw. You weren’t resisting.”
I continue to explain, “Silas is brilliant at gaining trust. I let my guard down when I should have known better. Maybe I was expecting some kind of redemption or self-awareness about how much he hurt me back then.” I fidget and worry the corner of my lower lip. “Trust me, when he grabbed me, I tried to escape his clutches. I’d told him about you, but all in all, he didn’t care because, after all of these years, he was convinced that I still belonged to him. Next thing I knew, he was manhandling me with his tongue down my throat. I was too stunned to react at first.” Blinking, I fight the tears that threaten to make an appearance. “That’s what you walked in on. That’s what you mistook for consent. That’s what I should have fought harder… I have no excuse… I’m so embarrassed. Because I let Silas have his way with me and also because you saw me at my weakest. I panicked. I was paralyzed, freaked out thinking about what it all looked like to you. I’m so sorry. I should have protested… or at least cried for help.”
At last, my words trigger his reaction. The door swings open, and he takes a step into the hall, bridging the distance between us.
His impossibly pale honey eyes burn into mine. “Why should I believe you?”
“Because trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship and that’s what I want with you. That’s what we have. I don’t want Silas. I want you. It’s always been you. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
His palm lands on my cheek, then moves to tangle his fingers in my hair, mirroring my reaction to his lack of dreads when he showed up on my doorstep months ago. “You’re right… My mind can’t stop replaying the scene, but my foolish heart believes you. I believe you. There’s no need to apologize. He’s the one to blame, not you. And here I thought consent was a thing in”—he hesitates—“ourworld. He crossed so many boundaries and took advantage of you. He called you a dog, for Christ’s sake.”
I shrug. “I’m at fault for foolishly letting him mislead me. I should have seen he was hiding less than honorable intentions.”
“No, no, no, don’t blame yourself or brush off his conniving ways. It fucking matters! No one should get away with acting like that. You should press charges.”Mmm, I never considered that. “I’m sorry that I disappeared and left you to deal with that scumbag alone.”
Now, I snort. “Yeah, you actually missed the best part. I slapped him so hard that he was staggering when I left.”
“Wow, look at you!” He high-fives me.
“What’s all this rauc—” A feminine voice interjects, and the woman it belongs to remains inside the foyer. Her hair’s wrapped in a towel. “I’ll leave you two alone and go dry my hair.” With that, she winks at me from behind Nino and shouts as she vanishes, “Is there a reason you aren’t inside?”
