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"But it's Sunday," he said. "I'm sure you don't have to be anywhere right at this moment."
"Do you want me to stay?" I asked, looking at him directly now.
My hazel brown eyes pierced directly into his. Sometimes, words were not enough to convey all that was inside of you and I hoped that he would pick up how I was feeling just by looking at me.
But to my disappointment, he just shrugged his shoulders casually."It's up to you," he said, oblivious to what I was feeling.
"Right," I resumed packing my stuff.
"Or you could stay, I mean," he sounded nervous now as he rubbed the back of his head with his hands. "We can eat together. Making sure you're fed is the least I can do for all your efforts."
"Efforts?" I couldn’t hide the hurt in my voice.
"Yes," he pressed. "I understand it can’t be easy to do what I’ve asked of you. It's not every day that your boss asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend," he chuckled.
I felt a lump form in my throat. Nothing he was saying seemed funny to me. Instead, it just felt like a blow to the stomach to be reminded once again that I meant nothing more to him than just a playdate.
"Is that all this means to you?" I asked, trying hard to keep my own voice from shaking.
"Is that not the case?" He raised an eyebrow at me.
"I thought.... that maybe you might have felt differently these past couple days," I said. "It felt so real, sometimes I forgot I was acting."
"Kathy…" Dylan said softly. "I thought you understood that whatever is between us was just for the show. Did I give you the wrong idea somehow?"
Yeah. You did. I must have forgotten that you were pretending when you held me in your arms the last couple of nights.
That's what I wanted to say to him. But I knew better than to be so blunt to the man who was still officially my boss, despite whatever messed up agreement we had between us.
"Do you really not feel anything? Nothing at all?" I asked.
I felt so stupid for demanding an answer like this. After all, I was always told by mom that if a man truly liked you, you would never have to second-guess anything.Dylan seemed blatantly taken aback by my question. He cleared his throat awkwardly and seemed to be struggling with his choice of words.
"I am a practical guy," he said finally, causing my frown to deepen. "I try not to waste too much time on figuring out how I 'feel'."
"Oh, right," my voice was small and suddenly tired. "You think that it's a waste of time thinking about feelings."
"Kathy," he said, "You have to understand that I haven't had the best luck when it comes to relationships. Frankly, I gave up on them a long time ago. It just doesn't seem very worthwhile to me to put myself in such a vulnerable position."
Suddenly, I felt like I was in a meeting discussing the pros and cons of a potential investment. It certainly did not sound like we were discussing our relationship.
"Then what am I to you?" I demanded, feeling scorned by his words.
He was quiet for a moment. I knew that if I didn't confront him now, the thought of ‘what if’ would consume me forever.
"Kathy," he started, an apologetic expression spread across his face, "I think that it was clear you are my employee."
"Do you usually go to bed with your employees?" I fired back.
"No," he shook his head. "Our situation is a bit... unique."
"Dylan, the first night that we slept together... we had no idea. But as soon as I stepped foot into your office, I was willing to put it all behind me. But this... this thing that we keep doing confuses me," I told him earnestly.
A knot had formed itself in the pit of my stomach and I felt like Iwas hanging by his every word. Inside me, there was still a small ray of hope.
"I had no intention of confusing you," he replied, evasively.
"So you really feel nothing?" I asked for a final time. It was stupid and redundant, but I just wanted to hear him say the words.
