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“Kathy,” Sarah wrapped me in a hug. “That’s amazing. I am so happy for you. Wow, all this time I thought that the two of you were just hooking up, but you’re actually in love.”
“I know,” I bit down on my lip. We were moving fast. “I think this is the fastest I’ve ever said those words to anyone… and really meant them, too.”
“Wow,” Sarah took a moment to soak it all in. “Are you sure, Kathy?”
“What are you talking about?” I laughed.
I feltsohappy.Happier and more complete than I had ever been.
“I don’t want to dampen your mood, but…” she trailed off. “You’re sure he’s serious about you, right?”
“Yes,” I shrugged. “I mean, we said I love to each other. That’s got to mean something.”
“Men say anything when they are horny,” Sarah said with a small eyeroll. “How do you know he actually meansit?”
“He’s not the sort of person who says things without meaning them,” I defended him, feeling perturbed at Sarah’s skepticism.
“Okay, if you say so,” she nodded but still seemed unsure. “I just know that you went through a breakup before you moved out here, and seeing you torn up from that was awful. I hope that doesn’t happen again.”
“I hope so too,” I replied, but my voice was smaller this time. Less sure.
When Sarah finally left my house after catching up for a few hours, I found myself suddenly second-guessing things. Overthinking had always been my forte, and all it took was a little skepticism from Sarah to set my anxious thoughts in motion.
Sarah was right. My last relationship had been toxic to the core. And even though Dylan was nothing like my ex-boyfriend, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was going to end up in heartbreak as well.
I quickly tried to push the thoughts out of my head.
“You’re being silly,” I tried to assure myself. But it was no use.
I had gone down a dangerous rabbit hole with my thoughts and all my insecurities were beginning to rear their ugly head.
Suddenly, I was imagining what my life would look like with Dylan as our relationship progressed. By all standards, Dylan was acatch.There was no shortage of women interested in him. Right now, our relationship was in its honeymoon stage. He was head over heels for me. I wished there was a way to guarantee a relationship to last forever.
Just then my phone began to ring. It was Dylan.
My fingers hovered over the accept call button but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Instead, I just turned my phone to silent and decided I was going to call it an early night. I knew I should not just ignore his call but my mood was completely destroyed. All I could think of was the possibility of Dylan eventually leaving me, fall out of love with me, or find someone more attractive. I would be left alone, helpless and heartbroken. Dylan was my man now but the future was unpredictable as always.
By midnight, I was still lying awake in my bed, struggling with my thoughts. Sometimes, my mind could be in a terrible place and it felt impossible to get out of it by myself. I was startled by the sound of the doorbell.
I was wary but the bell ringing did not stop so I decided to check it out. Just then, Dylan called out from outside the door.
“Kathy! Open the door right now.”
A sigh of relief escaped my lips and I opened the door for him immediately.
“Dylan, what the hell are you doing at this hour?” I asked, wiping my forehead.
He made his way inside my home.
“What, did you think a serial killer was on to you?” he said, coming up to hug me.
I wriggled myself out of his arms. “Dylan, you scared me for a bit. Did you just leave work?”
I started to walk away from him, but he grabbed my hand and pull me back towards him.
“Are you going to tell me why you have not been in touch all day?” he asked, his face inches away from mine.
