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The monster peeks out at me from the darkness. Andrei has been angry before, but this is an unspeakable rage. Natasha wraps her hand around my upper arm, warning me to stay back, and Vanya bravely stands beside me.
Fear makes us bond quickly. We find solidarity in this moment as we put a safe distance between ourselves and my husband.
Andrei staggers toward us, his eyes narrowing as I stand frozen. “What happened here tonight?”
“I was worried about you, that’s all,” I reply, my voice squeaking as I lie. “I was waiting up until you came home.”
Natasha and Vanya stick to my lie by keeping their mouths shut. Now isn’t the time to tell Andrei that Talia was here. Or to ask why he’s alone. Where are the others? Where are Dmitri and Viktor?
Oh God, will we see them again?
I hold my breath, hoping Andrei won’t stay like this and turn into someone I will hate forever. He doesn’t, but I hold off asking about the others. I’m willing to ask about Viktor for Emma’s sake, but I keep my mouth shut.
Breathing heavily, Andrei lowers his head and looks as if he’s about to collapse to the floor. Suddenly, I realize I’m not scared of Andrei. I’m afraid that one day, Talia will be right.
I pull out of Natasha’s grasp and move to reach my husband quickly. My emotions draw me to him, and I place my arms around him. He holds me tight, and I cannot move in his firm grip. Andrei wavers, and his body is unsteady as he staggers back and forth. I hold onto him as he lays his heavy head on my shoulder. I remain completely still, scared to ruin the moment he proves he needs me.
“Andrei?” I whisper.
He lifts his face, and the expression in his eyes shows me what he’s been through.
I place my hand gently on his cheek. “Let’s go up to bed.”
Chapter 37
Paige
Two weeks later
That night two weeks ago still puts a hard lump of anxiety in my throat.
I continue to play my part, keeping busy with responsibilities in the house. And I try hard not to lose ground on the respect I earned that night. My attempt to appear like I belong has become easier.
Little by little, I stop acting like a guest who has overstayed her welcome. I’m the pakhan’s wife, after all—the lion tamer. But it’s a facade, and they must know it. My inner critic comes back with a vengeance, taunting me.
Andrei allows you to tame him; you don’t have him tamed. Do I really look like a wannabe in diamonds?When I leave a room, the staff whispers in Russian. They think I can’t hear them. But I know they’re talking about me when the conversation ends with laughter.
And though I eventually ask about that night, I’m kept in the dark. “What happened that night?” I ask Andrei. “Where did you go?”
We stand in a spare bedroom that’s being converted into a playroom. Paint chips are taped to a wall, and a new beige carpet is on the floor. The theme is a garden for either a boy or a girl, and a ridiculously large teddy bear sits in a new wooden crib designed to look like an antique.
Andrei slips behind me and pulls me into his arms. His hand touches my belly, and his lips touch my cheek. “Don’t think about it, Paige.”
“I try not to, but …”
“Don’t,” he says sternly.
He kisses my neck again and again until I feel that flutter in my stomach. My plan to leave has been put off again. It’s only easy to be determined when Andrei isn’t around, when he’s not touching me, when he’s not looking at me in that way that makes my heart flip.
“I have something for you.” Andrei pulls a box out of his jacket box. I don’t know much about jewelry, but I do recognize a blue box from Tiffany’s. I can’t help gasping as I grab it out of his hand and smile, admiring the diamond and pearl earrings inside. I put them on as Andrei grins, pleased with my flighty reaction. My hand touches his cheek, and I fall deeply into his gaze, my heart dancing in my chest, convinced that he must love me.
I wait, staring at him. He must love me. Then why won’t he say it?
Why won’t he reveal the secrets that I know he’s holding?
Tears come to my eyes, and I press my face against his chest to hide them. “Are you staying home today?” I ask.
I feel him nod and swallow back my tears. Why did Talia have to come here?You know why, Paige. She hates you.
