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First, I head upstairs to Emma’s room, but before I knock, I glance down the hallway toward Eva’s old room. The door is kept locked, and no one enters anymore. My stomach feels nauseous, recalling how everything changed so quickly that night.
Her guard is away from the door. Emma hardly leaves her room anymore, so what’s the purpose? I knock on the door and wait for her to answer.
“Come in.”
I sigh when I see her sitting by the windowsill in her pajamas. She’s given up, but I have the perfect distraction. Something we both need and that will change everything.
“Hey, Em,” I sit down next to her. “Guess what?”
She lifts her gaze to meet mine and gives me a questioning look. Emma was less than happy when she found out about going to private school. I try to make it sound positive and not a punishment. What did she say again? “Yeah, I can learn how to match my handgun to my purse at Bratva High School.”
“I saw something that might cheer you up,” I rub her back as she pouts harder. “Come on, get dressed. We’re going out.”
“Where?” she asks, dragging her feet toward her bed.
“Back home to look around,” I whisper. “We should get Dad’s laptop before someone else takes it.”
Her face lights up with a devious glint, and she immediately jumps off her bed and runs to her closet. After changing into comfortable jeans, we sneak downstairs and hurry outside to the garage.
***
Despite our best efforts to sneak out, two Rovers escort us to our dad’s house that afternoon. And instead of talking about a new plan of escape, we discuss my difficult relationship as the guards tail us. Once again, Emma becomes my confidante because she really wants to know what the attraction is.
“I admire him tremendously,” I tell her. “I really think we could be happy together if things were different. Andrei loves me very much, I think. I know he has an intimidating personality … But love can change that.”Or else I’ll run again.
Emma sighs but doesn’t judge too harshly. “But that’s the mistake—trying to change someone. You don’t like him trying to change you.”
She has a point. “True. I was just a part of his plan when we first met. But since then, Andrei sees me as his wife.”Or will that change too?
Emma sighs as she stares out the window to avoid looking me in the eye. “He equates money with love. He is obsessively jealous and is constantly watching your every move.
“But he’s willing to try once this is all over,” I add.
It’s a relief to share a little, but I can’t help feeling like I’m trying to find reasons for why I should stay. I scolded myself for staying with him once. But he does have good qualities, like his determination. He knows exactly what he wants and will put in the time to get it.
But is that enough?
The thought in the back of my mind from that night returns again, unbidden.You swore to leave him, and now you’re making excuses again. How long will you keep doing this before you see reason?
Emma’s voice breaks into my overthinking. “How can I help today?”
It is time to tell Emma the ugly truth about the hidden money. How Dad stole money from all the Bratvas with the intention of giving it to us until Kenney got involved. I spare her the details on Mom, for both their sakes.
“We have to search every corner, drawer, and closet,” I tell her. “We have to find what Kenney wants before he does.”
“We are Bratva,” Emma mumbles. “Fuck Kenney.”
I shake my head as I glance into the mirror and eye the stern faces in the Rover behind us. “No, we’ll aways be outsiders, Emma.”
She looks at my belly. “We might be now, but that will change after a few kids. Are you really going to stay with Andrei? You sound like you have doubts.”
Emma rarely calls Andrei by his first name anymore. “You picked up on that?” I ask her. She doesn’t say anything and when I stop my car in front of the house, we sit there in silence, trying to figure out what else needs to be said.
Emma speaks first. “We have to be honest with each other if we’re going to help one another.” She glances over sternly. “You want to leave. Don’t you?”
I nod my head. “For the baby,” I whisper.
“I hope you can convince yourself better than that.” Emma shoves the car door open.
