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I check my phone. I’ll never make her appointment now. I close my eyes and take a deep breath and let it out. Somewhere out there, Paige is living her life without me. She walked out, and if she wants us to be together, she must walk back in. It’s up to her.
I sit there, my mind spinning with thoughts. I wish I had gone to Paige’s appointment. I wanted to show her I care. I don’t know what really possessed me to not go. Maybe it was fear—fear of failing her. Whatever the reason, my fear of an ordinary existence won out.
The shop is a blur as I hurry out to my car. It’s time to make a move if I ever want a chance at happiness with Paige again. I have to focus on what I can control—my actions and decisions. I have to focus on going clean if I want to be a father to my baby.
Chapter 55
Andrei
It was a disaster. It was supposed to be a simple skirmish between our men and some punks who were better at shooting off their mouths than shooting a gun. But in the end, we lost five good men. It was a disgrace for us, and it put my new life in jeopardy.
Sonya watches me from the corner of the couch as I pace in front of the desk. I’ve struggled between my obligations as a husband and a leader of a powerful Bratva. It was a difficult decision to leave the Bratva for Paige, but I realize with bitterness I can’t abandon them yet.
“I’m sorry, Andrei,” she whispers. “You make it look so easy. I messed up.”
I turn on her. “Shopping for wedding dresses when you should’ve been with your men. If I was still in charge, there would be no wedding.”
Sonya lowers her gaze. “You still could be in charge. I’m sure she’ll understand.”
“She won’t,” I answer harshly. “I didn’t understand when it was she who needed it.”
I think back with shame at how Paige pleaded to see her family, and I denied her. What if someone tries to stop me from seeing my baby? I slam my fists into the desk and remain motionless.
Sonya steps forward and embraces me tightly, despite knowing that I hurt her deeply. Just like Paige—she shows strength and courage rather than retreat. Sonya also refuses to back down.
“You don’t have to be the pakhan forever, Andrei. But I’ll always want my big brother. I love and admire you. You may not talk about it, but I know how hard your life has been. Vasily was evil, and it’s taken a lot to purge him. The Bratva has brought chaos into our lives. The violence, the betrayals, the kidnappings—it’s too much for her.”
I release my grip from the desk. “It feels like he’s still here, watching us,” I confess. “He destroyed so much of our lives.”
“Mom wanted us both to get away from him,” Sonya whispers as if Vasily can still hear us. “I can walk away on my own, but you need Paige to pull you away.”
I’ve controlled the most important relationship in my life, just to lose it. I focused so much on the Bratva that I forgot my other emotions and pushed Paige away when she wanted to save me. Save us.
“I’m overwhelmed,” I reply. “And I don’t know what to do. Caring is your specialty, not mine.”
Sonya smiles confidently. “Your pakhan commands you to go make up with your wife. Have you even apologized to her?”
“For what?” I ask.
“So many things!” Sonya gawks at me, amazed by my bold ignorance. “For kidnapping her. For forcing her to marry you. For kidnapping her father and her little sister. For introducing her to your crazy ex-girlfriend who wanted her dead …”
I hold up my hand. “Enough. I’m ashamed to admit this, but no. I haven’t apologized. I’ve treated her well since then.”
“The jewelry is stunning, but you have to say the word, Andrushka.” Sonya lowers her voice to a comforting purr. “Our mother wanted us to be loved, and no matter what you do, the Bratva will never love you as much as Paige does.”
Taking a deep breath, I pull Sonya into a warm hug. I let my guard down as she comforts my pain. “I’m going to make things right,” I tell her. “Do you forgive me, Sonichka?”
Sonya smiles and hugs me even tighter. “I do.”
“I want one thing, Sonichka.”
“What?” she asks.
“To be pakhan again.”
The smile drops off Sonya’s face as she pulls herself out of my grasp. “Very well. If that’s what you truly want, then you are pakhan.” She snorts. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
