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Surprisingly, her BFF was still awake and so was her sister, Andrea.
ANDY: What the hell? It’s three in the morning. This better be good.
SAM: Hey! Just got home from this amazing new club. OMG, I met the HOTTEST guy. Picture attached of said guy.
Lexi grinned. She blew up the picture but then grimaced. The guy kind of looked like a baboon. Just a little. And she wasn’t one of those mean girls. She tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. It was the only reason she could handle TFB at all.
LEXI: Did you take him home?
She was really hoping that Sam hadn’t. She might be her best friend since they’d met in college years ago, but she had the worst drunk goggles. She needed a wingman and it wasn’t Lexi’s game to go to clubs anymore. Not really. It never really had been.
SAM: You bet! He passed out though. On the floor. Didn’t even make it to the couch. I don’t know what to do. Should I just leave him like that?
LEXI: Is he on his side?
SAM: No. Jesus. God. Could he choke on his own puke?
LEXI: It’s possible. Can you move him?
It was more than a few minutes before Sam responded, so Lexi fired off a text to her sister.
LEXI: Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you up. Okay, maybe I did. I’m stuck at TFB’s house. You know that. I’m in his room.
She hit send before she could recall that back and re-type it. She panicked and fired off another text.
LEXI: I didn’t mean in his room. I’m in his guest room right next to his room. It’s terrible. I can’t sleep.
Andrea was two years younger, but they were close. Closer than most sisters were. They always had been. They never hit that mean girls’ sister stage where they hated each other or were crazy jealous of the other one. Andy knew all about her having to go to Curtis’ house to help him babysit. They’d had a good laugh about it. Andy and Sam both knew all about the evils of Curtis James. She’d shared so many stories about him over the years. He was a bit of a punching bag for the brunt of their jokes, she was ashamed to say. Unfortunately, both Andy and Sam thought TFB was also hot AF. She’d never told them that she thought he was too. She’d only ever said, with the force of a thousand burning suns, that he wasn’t her type.
ANDY: Can you hear him snoring?
LEXI: No. It’s silent in here. You couldn’t even hear a mouse fart.
ANDY: Do mice actually fart? I thought I read somewhere that they couldn’t.
LEXI: I have no idea.
ANDY: What’s he doing in there? If he isn’t sleeping? Do you think he’s using you as his secretary spank bank material? Fanaticizing about you being in his house? Finally? So he can sink his talons into you?
LEXI: Disgusted for life over here. Why would you say something like that?
SAM: Okay, I flipped him over onto his side. I propped pillows all around him so he couldn’t roll back. Do you think he’s going to be okay?
LEXI: Yeah. Should be. Are you okay? I’m not going to get a panicked text at like five in the morning where you’re hiding in your bathroom again with the door locked, am I?
SAM: That was a one off. I was extra drunk that night. I woke up and had no idea what was going on or who that guy was. He was freaking drooling all over me. I had to lock myself in the bathroom.
LEXI: And you called me to kick him out. At five. In. The. Morning.
SAM: I’m sorry. No, I won’t this time. I know you’re babysitting for Mr. Hotshot Hot Stuff this weekend. How’s it going, by the way? Why are you awake? The kids are up?
LEXI: I wish. No, I just can’t sleep. He’s in the room next to me. The house is weird. Too quiet. I think that’s what’s wrong.
SAM: Or maybe all that hotness is seeping through the walls and you’re thinking about him in there, sleeping. Do you think he sleeps in the nude?
LEXI: Gross and grosser. I wouldn’t know. I don’t want to know.
SAM: It would still be really hot if he just slept in his boxers. I bet he’s stacked. I mean… down there.
LEXI: Also, gross.
ANDY: I don’t know why I said that. Sorry. But I don’t know. He’s super-hot. Would it really be that bad? I mean, a few nights of pleasure.
LEXI: Oh no, not you too. We work together. Jesus! He’s already threatened me with firing. Actually, I threatened to quit.
ANDY: Going that well, huh?
LEXI: Well, the nephew did take off his diaper and smear poop all over the wall and TFB had a mini-meltdown and it was pretty entertaining. I think I’ll remember the abject horror on his face for years. It’s a promising start. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow holds.
