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I nod at Sam and force a smile onto my face. “Fine. Let’s go.”
He looks relieved and smiles at me. Somehow, in his mind, my anger towards Kate and Helen is related to lingering feelings I might have for Carter, but it isn’t. Carter is probably the only person in this that I don’t blame. He was as helpless as I was, and he might very well have been hurt more than I was.
I follow Sam to the door, and Carter looks up at me in surprise. He glances at Dad, concern flashing through his eyes. “You’re coming with us?” he asks, his voice soft.
I hesitate and then nod. We haven’t spoken in days now. I haven’t even seen him in what feels like forever. My eyes roam over his face hungrily, my heart twisting painfully. Relief washes over me when I realize Layla won’t be joining us.
“Don’t,” Carter says, placing his hand my shoulder. “Kate is going to be there, Minx. I don’t want to see you hurting. I don’t want to see you force a smile onto your face. Don’t do this if you don’t want to.”
Sam pulls me away from Carter with such force that it hurts, and I flinch. “Don’t touch her,” Sam warns. “And her name is Emilia.”
Carter tenses, and the look in his eyes tells me that he’s close to losing it. I wrap my arms around myself and shake my head. “It’s fine, Carter,” I murmur. “I’m fine. Let’s just go.”
He glances from me to Sam, his expression tense. Whatever he’s seeing in my eyes must set him at ease, because he nods and gestures for us to walk to the car. He follows close behind us, as though he’s trying to keep an eye on me and Sam, and Sam grabs my hand. He holds on so tightly that my hand hurts, but no matter how hard I try to pull my hand out of his, he won’t let go. I hate seeing him like this. I hate that I’ve made him so insecure. So angry.
Sam holds my hand throughout the journey, but rather than set me at ease, it just stresses me out even more. By the time we arrive I’m trembling. I feel helpless and hurt, and I don’t want to be here. Carter looks at me with such concern that I force myself to put up a brave front. He looks worried and just as helpless as I feel, and I force myself to smile at him. I want to set him at ease. The last thing I want is for him to worry about me. Carter inhales deeply and walks into the house, and Sam and I follow behind him.
Sam lets go of my hand to shake William’s and I breathe a sigh of relief. His tight grip hurt my hand, and I didn’t want to agitate him further by pulling my hand out of his. He’s starting to feel like a stranger to me, and I’m starting to feel guilty for causing the change in him. I don’t want to, but part of me wonders if sleeping with him might make things better. The thought makes me feel uncomfortable, but I’ll get over that. I must.
I’m so focused on my thoughts about Sam and my aching hand, that I don’t even see her standing there. Kate. The girl who was once my best friend. I freeze, and so does she. I guess she didn’t expect me to be here today. Helen recovers from her shock quicker than Kate does, and she smiles at me.
“Emilia, I’m so glad you decided to come after all.”
I nod at her, but it’s all too much. Being here, seeing Kate and Helen together. It hurts. It’s all too much. The pain of losing Carter, of losing Kate and Helen, it all comes rushing back. Every memory that has plagued me throughout the years assaults me at once, and I almost burst into tears right then and there.
Chapter 36
Carter
I’m only barely remaining in control of my rage as I sit opposite Emilia. She’s trembling, and I can see the hurt in her eyes. I can see her visibly shrink as she sits there, her shoulders hunched and her eyes on her plate. Sam keeps touching her, and she keeps recoiling. It’s so subtle that I don’t think he even notices, but I do. I notice everything about her. I notice the way she avoids looking at Mom and Kate. The way she stares at her food as though she’s sorry for even existing. I knew this would happen. I knew just being here would make her feel the way she did back then. Like everything that happened was her fault. Like the love she gave out so freely was destructive. Like her presence is ruining things for everyone. None of that is true, but I know my Minx, and I know she won’t be able to stop those thoughts, those doubts. I can see her holding onto her anger as best as she can, but failing nonetheless.
I watch as Sam extends his hand underneath the table, probably to touch her thigh, and she tenses. She rises from her seat and keeps her head down as she excuses herself. She’s shaking so hard that I have to grip the table to keep from following her.
Sam hesitates, and then he rises too. I shake my head and stand up. I don’t know what Emilia needs right now, but I know it’s not for Sam to follow her. He walks into the direction Emilia disappeared to, and I cut him off in the hallway. I grip him by his shirt, hard, and pin him down with a stare. “She needs space, and you’re going to give it to her,” I tell him, trying my best to be polite, and failing miserably.
Sam tenses and tries to pull himself out of my hold, but he can’t. “What my girlfriend needs right now is me. Who the hell do you think you are to decide for her? Maybe us being here has made you all nostalgic, but you’d better remember that Emilia is mine. You don’t have the right to tell me to stay away.”
I grit my teeth and laugh humorlessly. “You might be right, Samuel. She’s yours, but I’m still very much hers. And if I see you touch her in a way she doesn’t like, if I see you hold her hand even just a little too tightly ever again, I’m going to break every fucking bone in your hand. If you make her uncomfortable even the slightest or force her to do something she either doesn’t want or isn’t ready for, the way you did today... then I will know, and I will fucking kill you. I’ll make you disappear so quick they’ll call me Houdini. I’ve been playing nice, but don’t forget who I am. I’m Carter fucking Clarke. And you? You’re no one. You’ll just be another statistic.”
Sam blinks, his eyes wide, and then he looks away, a shudder running through him. I let go of his shirt and take a step back before tipping my head towards the dining room. “Get back into your fucking seat, and don’t fucking move until Emilia gets back.”
I see a flash of defiance in his eyes, and I fucking hope he won’t listen. I need an excuse to punch him in his fucking face, and I’d love for him to give me one. Unfortunately, he nods and turns to walk back, his hands balled into fists.
I sigh and lean back against the wall. If he tells Emilia what I just said to him she’ll never forgive me. Me and my fucking temper. She’s been distant all week. If this gets back to her, I’m done for.
“I had no idea you could be so terrifying,” Kate says, and I turn to find her standing in the corner, a smile on her face.
I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. “How long have you been standing there?”
Kate hesitates and looks away. “I just wanted to make sure Emilia was okay. I wasn’t going to speak to her or anything, but I just wanted to see where she ran off to. I just wanted to know if she was okay.”
I look at her, trying to assess her sincerity. I’m fucking horrible, because my first thought is that she might take anything she just heard me say, and use it to drive a bigger wedge between Emilia and me.
“Stay away from her,” I tell her, unable to contain my anger. I’m tired of everything today. I’m tired of being unable to protect Emilia. Of being unable to keep her from getting hurt. I’m tired of hurting, of wanting her and knowing I’ll never have her.
Kate nods and smiles bittersweetly. “I will. I promise. I’m going up to my room now, and I’ll stay there for the rest of the evening. It’s the least I can do, anyway.” She walks up the stairs and stops mid-way. “Emilia is in the treehouse, by the way,” she says, her voice soft and insecure.
I nod. Where else could my Minx have gone? The treehouse has always been her safe haven. I hesitate only slightly before walking out the door. I know I told Sam that she needs space, yet I’m unable to heed my own warning.
