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“She said there was an anomaly in my blood work. But then, you already knew that, didn’t you? She said she’s had the paperwork for weeks, and you asked her not to share it with me. Why, Carter? Why would you do that to me? Why would you keep something like that from me?”
He looks so lost, so heartbroken, but I have no sympathy for him. I shake my head and get out of bed, throwing my robe on as quickly as I can. Carter grabs me from behind and holds on tightly, his chin on my shoulder.
“Emilia,” he whispers. He wraps his arms around me tightly, as though he’s scared to let me go, to let me walk away.
He’s got his hands wrapped around my waist, and I grab them tightly, holding on for just a second before forcibly removing them. I can’t tell if I’m in shock, if I’m just angry or if I’m sad. I push away from Carter and grit my teeth, forcing back my tears.
“How could you?” I ask him, my voice breaking. “How could you keep something like this from me? How long have you known?”
Carter sits down on his bed and turns me so that I’m facing him. I look at him, and a tear drops down my cheek. He’s the one person I always thought would have my back. The one person that would never lie to me, that would never betray me.
He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, looking just as devastated as I do. “Emilia, this is something you father intended to take to his grave with him. He didn’t want you to know. I only found out when he first got sick, and at the time you and I hadn’t even spoken in years.”
He raises his hand to my face and swipes my tears away with his thumbs, his expression anguished. “What about when I came back? How could you have taken me to bed knowing you were keeping something like this from me?”
Carter pulls his hands away and sighs. “Minx, it wasn’t my place to tell you.”
I stare at him in disbelief. “So, if I hadn’t found out, you would’ve kept this from me for the rest of our lives?”
Carter looks away and shakes his head. “I don’t know, Emilia. I don’t know.”
I sniff and clutch my robe tightly. I don’t even know how to feel. I have a million questions that I’m not even sure I want the answers to.
When Dad first told me about his diagnosis, I thought I’d be able to save his life. I thought it was only a matter of time until all tests came back positive. Would I have been able to save him if I were his real daughter?
I inhale deeply, shakily, and walk out of Carter’s room. For the first time in forever, he isn’t who I need right now. He isn’t the person I can turn to when my world falls apart, because he had a hand in it.
Chapter 51
Emilia
I walk into my own bedroom, my entire body trembling. I can’t get myself to stop. I can’t get my heart to stop racing, to stop hurting. Breathing feels hard, and every few seconds I choke on another sob. My eyes fall closed, and yet another tear drops down my cheeks as I sink down to the floor, my knees hitting the cold marble floors.
I think back to my childhood, to the resentment my dad so clearly felt for my mother, the way he could barely look at me for the first couple of years after my mother left, even though he clearly loved me. I think back to all the times he took care of me when I was sick, all the times he held me when I cried. I still remember how distraught he was when I contacted my mother years ago, how upset he was when she told him I was stalking her, when all I really did was email her. Why did he keep me if I’m not even his? Why did he raise me? How long has he known? I don’t understand why he never told me.
I inhale as best as I can, a sob tearing through my throat. I raise my hands to my face and allow myself to burst into tears. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to be weak, but my heart feels so broken.
I feel arms wrap around me, and I look up, expecting to find Carter, but instead it’s my Dad that looks into my eyes. He looks worried and pained, as though finding me crying hurts him more than it does me, and I start to cry even harder. Dad hugs me tightly, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
“Emilia, what happened?” he asks, sounding incredibly worried.
“Daddy,” I murmur, my tears falling endlessly. I tighten my grip on him. He feels so thin, so frail. I thought I’d be able to donate my kidney to him, but that’s never going to happen now. Whatever is left of my heart shatters. “I can’t save you,” I whisper. I never told him I got the tests done, because I was scared he’d lose hope. But now… I can’t hold it in anymore. If I’d been his real daughter, I might have had a chance to save him.
Dad tenses and pulls away, grabbing my shoulders. “What?” he asks, and I see fear flash through his eyes. The door opens behind him, and Carter walks in. The two of them exchange a look, and dad looks down in resignation.
“Why…why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, my voice breaking.
Dad cups my cheeks and wipes away my tears. He inhales deeply and shakes his head. “Because there was nothing to tell you. You’re my daughter, Emilia. You’re my little girl, my princess. I was there on the day you were born, I was there when you took your first steps, and I will be there to walk you down the aisle. You’re mine in every way that matters.”
I sniff, and Dad tucks my hair behind my ear gently. He smiles at me and shakes his head. “Stop crying, Princess,” he says, and I pout, knowing he’s about to tease me. “It’s not a good look on you, sweetheart.”
The edges of my lips tug up, and I try my best to stop my tears. Dad throws his arms back around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder. “This changes nothing, Emilia. You’re still my daughter. You’ll always be my daughter, and I’ll always love you.”
I try my hardest to swallow down a sob, but it escapes my lips nonetheless. “I love you, Daddy,” I cry, a fresh bout of tears running down my cheeks.
Dad sighs and rubs my back gently. “I know, honey. I love you, too.”
He holds me until I’ve somewhat calmed down, and I pull away reluctantly. I almost don’t even want to ask the questions I need an answer to. Maybe if I don’t ask, I can remain in denial a bit longer.
