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“Damn, as soon as we get back Mom and Kate are going to want all of your attention again. Who knows when I’ll next get to have you to myself? It’s so cold we can’t even sneak into the treehouse.”
Emilia sighs. “My dad works during the day, babe. I can find excuses to go back to my own house during the day.”
I nod and kiss her neck and then her cheek, before finally kissing her lips. I can’t get enough of her.
Chapter 25
Carter
I can’t believe how quickly the holidays have gone by. In just a few days, we’ll be heading back to LA.
Kate, Emilia and I are lying on the sofa, watching Home Alone like we do every year. I’m pretty sure we have at least five blankets stacked on top of each other. Emilia is sitting in the middle, between Kate and me, and I reach for her hand sneakily. She smiles when I intertwine our fingers. I wish I could raise them to my lips and kiss the back of her hand. I’ve really missed her. I miss lying in bed with her after sex, talking about anything and everything. I miss holding her in my arms and I miss her lips on mine.
Contrary to what we planned, we haven’t managed to get together much. Every time Emilia tried to sneak out to go back to her own house during the day, Kate would either want to go with her, or Mom would find a reason for her to stay. It’s not just her body I want, I just want to spend some alone time with her. It’s ridiculous that we’re so close, yet we’re texting and calling to stay in touch.
Kate glances at Emilia and chuckles. “My God, will you get off your phone, girl? Mason won’t freaking die if you don’t text him back for an hour or so.”
I freeze at the same time Emilia does. She locks her phone screen and hides it underneath the blankets nervously, letting go of my hand.
“Mason?” I repeat, my tone harsh.
Emilia stares at the TV while Kate giggles. “Yeah, Mason,” she says. “Emilia is seeing him. They’ve been texting non-stop. It’s so sickeningly sweet.”
“I’m not seeing him,” she snaps, glaring at Kate. Kate bursts out laughing and wiggles her eyebrows.
“Don’t lie, I bet you’re seeing a lot more of him than anyone else ever does. I guess seeing him is too tame of an expression though.” She looks at me and grins. “She’s totally banging him.”
“Shut up,” Emilia says through gritted teeth, and Kate laughs again.
She shakes her head at me amusedly. “She’s trying to keep it a secret, but she’s always on her phone.”
Emilia groans. “I told you… Mason and I — ugh, never mind. Besides, I told you it was low key. Why would you tell Carter?”
Kate looks contrite and bites down on her lip. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I wasn’t thinking. It just seemed like you and Carter are a lot closer again, so I figured he probably knew. I was just teasing you, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
Kate looks at me apologetically and sends me a pleading look. I try my best to act like I don’t care and shrug at her before turning back to the TV. I stare at it, but I can’t focus on what’s happening in the movie at all. She’s been texting Mason? And what is this shit about her sleeping with him?
Emilia is tense beside me and carefully reaches out underneath the blankets to grab my hand again. Her fingers snake around mine and she entwines our fingers, squeezing tightly. I shake her off and grit my teeth as I cross my arms.
I think back to how she was flirting with Mason at Noah’s house party. She wanted to go home with him that night. If I hadn’t been there, she probably would have. That was the first time we slept with each other in years. Yet the very next day she was with Mason again, the two of them holding hands at the library. Was it him she really wanted that night?
I bite down on my lip in an attempt to keep my emotions in check. I can’t believe she’s been texting him all this time. She’s been all I can think about, but it seems like that feeling isn’t mutual. While I’ve been trying to devise ways to spend more time with her, she’s been texting Mason. How the hell did I miss that? I can’t even be mad about it. I’m the one that told her I didn’t want to be anything but friends with benefits. I definitely don’t have a say over who she dates or who she texts. All I can call mine is her body — and that’s only because she insisted on exclusivity. I thought that’s what I wanted and that’s what we needed, so why am I so pissed off? This is exactly what I wanted to prevent. This fucking insecurity and all these damn emotions.
Emilia places her hand on my thigh, but I ignore her. She sighs and strokes my leg. I close my eyes and inhale deeply before grabbing her wrist and removing her hand. I get up and walk into the kitchen, needing some space. When did I start to care so much again? I don’t want this. I don’t want to feel this way.
“You okay, honey?” Mom asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. I blink at her and nod as I take a seat on one of the high chairs. Mom pushes a slice of pie my way and I take a bite. It’s chocolate — Emilia’s favorite.
“What’s on your mind?”
I shake my head. “It’s nothing, Mom.”
She leans against the counter and smiles at me sweetly. I don’t know what to say to her. I know she wants to help, but I can’t tell her about Emilia.
“Is it a girl?” she asks. I look away and Mom chuckles. “That’s a yes, then,” she murmurs. She makes me a cup of tea and pushes it toward me. We both sip our tea in silence and I push my cake toward the middle so Mom can have a few bites too.
“It’s nothing, really,” I say eventually. “She — I don’t know. She hasn’t done anything wrong, but I…”
I sigh and take another sip of my tea. “I don’t know, Mom. I guess things are just moving in a somewhat unexpected direction? I was so clear on what I wanted at the start, and I was so convinced I wouldn’t be swayed. But now… now I’m finding myself in a position I really didn’t want to be in. I promised myself I’d walk away the second it happened, but now I just can’t make myself do that.”
