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“He paid. It’s his rule.” The innkeeper hurried away, clearly not wanting to get into something with his latest guests.
Aspen slammed his door again.
Chapter Fifteen
Oriel came from the bathing room down the hall, glad to be truly clean after so long. Roth was combing his long hair as he sat on the bed, and Oriel sank into the chair at the table by the open window.
“I don’t like the way he treats you,” said Roth.
“He’s been through…stuff,” said Oriel. “Far worse than me.”
“I thought it wasn’t a competition.”
“It’s not, but…how’s he supposed to cope with that? Especially when it’s my fault.”
“I told you it’s not,” said Roth.
They’d had plenty of time to talk in the past two weeks, and Oriel had opened up about things with Aspen and what happened that night and on the ship to both of them. He leaned forward on the table and covered his eyes. “I fucked it all up.”
“How were you supposed to know what the future held? You were both eighteen, and eighteens-year-olds don’t always handle stuff so well.”
“I still did what I did.”
“And Aspen did what he did. He didn’t deserve later, but neither did you. I just don’t like seeing you both so miserable with each other. It’s not helping either of you.”
“What else am I supposed to do? I can’t fix the past or what happened to him. I can’t let go of him either.”
He didn’t dare tell Aspen certain things after that nasty comment two weeks ago. He had Roth to talk to during the day, but the nights had been growing difficult. In the dark, it was hard to push away thoughts like how that man had raped him in his bedroom, or how the sailors had nearly made him throw up while they grunted away over him.
Sleep had mostly been like lights out and pure nothing from that night until recently. He didn’t remember any dreams. Maybe it was his brain’s way of keeping together while he’d been tortured in the room and terrified of Roth. A week ago, he had seen his beautiful, delicate Mother hanging in one of the sitting rooms at home with blood on her torn skirts, her eyes dark, the rope digging in.
He’d woken in a cold sweat and hadn’t slept for the rest of the night. The urge to crawl into Roth’s bedroll and be held had been strong.
“Do you want me to sleep on the floor?” asked Roth.
“No. I can do that.”
“I don’t want you sleeping on the floor.”
“I’ve slept in a cage. The floor is fine.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not you. The floor won’t kill me, okay?”
“Or we could sleep in the same bed.” Roth picked up his tail and started combing it. “I don’t mind, but I’m not sure where I stand with you.”
“Huh?”
“You fucked me quite willingly a second time that night, but…you seem to love Aspen.”
“I do.”
“That’s why.”
“He hates my guts, so it hardly matters if I love him, and he doesn’t give a fuck where I sleep.”
Oriel didn’t even know what to do with him later, and he could barely think past getting to his cousin. That alone was their main issue at the moment, but they’d certainly never have a relationship again. Not like before.
