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And what the hell am I supposed to do with that?
Chapter 10
Reed
“Quitdickingaroundandhit the fucking ball already, JJ,” Caden grouses as I enter the game room of my house, the two of them in the middle of a game of pool.
“Hey, watch yourfudginglanguage,” Leo snaps from the couch where he’s busy on his phone, throwing our friends a glare. He nods toward his two-year-old daughter who sits on the ground, playing with toys Leo brought from their home and the ones that I’ve had in my own home for her and my sister Holly’s kids.
Caden grumbles out an apology, glaring at JJ who merely snickers before taking his shot. I roll my eyes at them as I head toward the L-shaped couch that faces the flat screen TV, which playsTop Gunat a low volume. I don’t mind nights like these, when the three of them come over—four, occasionally, when Leo brings Lilah—and we hole up in my game room just to hang out. I don’t get much use out of this room otherwise, sadly.
When I sit down on one end of the couch, Leo towards the middle, he looks up from his phone and arches an eyebrow at me. “Gotta say, I’m surprised you wanted us to come over tonight. You’ve been in a real crabby mood since Miami.”
I don’t miss how easy it is for him to replace curse words with child-friendly alternatives. It’s like second nature for him at this point. “Yeah, well,” I grunt as I kick my feet up to rest on the wooden table in front of me. “Dumb decisions were made.”
He’s not lying about my mood. Ever since that conversation with Willow in the elevator of the hotel the morning after we kissed, there’s been a storm cloud of shit looming over my head. That night—the night we kissed—I could barely fucking sleep because my mind wouldn’t quiet the hell down. All I could think of was that kiss; how soft her lips had been, how sweet she had tasted. Willow had kissed me back, full fervor, before kicking me out.
It had been risky to kiss her, I know. But I couldn’t fucking stop myself—not after seeing her spend hours with the guy who turned out to be her cousin. At the time, though, I didn’t know they had been related. All I saw was Willow having dinner and drinks with some guy and laughing and showing off her dimples, and I couldn’t think straight. She had unknowingly messed with my head, and it’s no one’s fault but my own. After she had left, I lasted only five minutes with Leo before excusing myself and finding out her room number through one of the members of the managing team that travels with us.
I hadn’t planned on kissing her. But she had been standing there, her strawberry blonde hair falling around her shoulders like soft flames, green eyes bright, and the impulse took over. I had never felt such a strong desire before in my life, and I couldn’t stop myself. I was lucky as hell she kissed me back—until she didn’t. Until she told me to leave, and I had no choice but to comply.
But, fuck, that kiss. She had been more delicious than I could have ever imagined, and one taste isn’t enough. That night, all I did was think of that kiss, then think of how she had told me to leave. I realized that she probably regretted giving into the tension that had been wrapped around us for weeks. And then that conversation in the elevator the morning after was the final blow to the gut.
“Is that what you think of me?”
I hadn’t even looked at her face when she asked me that, but I could hear the emotion in her voice, even though she tried to mask it. I’m a fucking master at masking emotions, so when someone else attempts to do it, it’s pretty damn easy for me to pick it apart. And I know my comment about her potentially filing a complaint against me because of that kiss had hurt her because of the insult to her character.
I screwed up. Even I can see that.
“What’d you do?” JJ asks from where he and Caden are still standing by the pool table, apparently having heard me.
I work my jaw a couple of times, my gaze going to Lilah. She’s in her own world, playing with a stuffed dog, and I let out an exhale. Growling, I confess, “I kissed Willow.”
“Youwhat?” JJ’s exclamation is dramatized by him screwing up his next shot, sending the cue ball bouncing off the table and up in the air, before landing with a sharpthudon the carpeted floor. Caden takes a half step to the side to avoid getting hit by the ball, and JJ ignores the glare Caden directs at him.
“What happened after?” Leo asks.
Caden arches a brow. “How’d you screw it up?”
I throw him a scowl, even though his question isn’t that far off. “She told me to leave, and the next morning I—” I almost don’t want to admit it as I tilt my head and rub my jaw. “I told her if she filed a complaint, I wouldn’t blame her.”
Caden looks at me like I’m an idiot, his expression flat, while JJ is the opposite and openly gapes at me in disbelief. Leo’s eyes fall shut and he shakes his head in obvious disappointment. “It’s like one step forward, a hundred steps back with you and Willow,” he says.
I lean back on the couch, eyebrows furrowing into a frown and arms crossing tightly over my chest. “I didn’t realize it was the wrong thing to say until after it had already slipped out. I wasn’t thinking,” I reluctantly admit.
Leo scoffs and JJ splutters. “You didn’t think of how insulting it would sound for you to say to Willow’s face that she could basically come after you with a lawsuit for kissing her?” JJ walks around the table, pool stick still in hand, and stands behind Leo as he stares at me, wide eyed. “I admit that it does sound like you’re sorry for what you did, but it also makes it sound like you’re trying to get some pity and protect your image, dude.”
My lips curl in aggravation, knowing that JJ is right. That’s the same conclusion I came to on the flight home. “Yeah, I know,” I grunt.
Leo narrows his eyes at me. “What else happened?”
I exhale sharply once more before just telling them all the conversation between Willow and I in the elevator. When I’m done, Caden leans against the pool table, arms crossed. The guy might be more emotionally closed off when it comes to romantic relationships than I am, but he surprises me next by asking, “Well Romeo, whatdoyou want from her?”
My teeth press together as I mull over the question. The three of them watch me expectantly, and what I end up saying is, “I’m no good at relationships.”
I haven’t been in one in years, had no interest in them. But I know whatever this is with Willow, it’s more than the desire to hookup with her, like she claimed. I haven’t felt this way with any other woman I’ve had a passing attraction to, which always goes away after I get them in my bed. It feels different with Willow, and that’s what’s messing with my head.
“You can’t say that when you haven’t even really tried,” Leo tells me as Lilah crawls over to him. He sits up when she uses his legs to stand up, and reaches his hands out to pick her up and settle her on his lap.
