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I lift my gaze to look at her. But she’s looking over my shoulder, eyebrows pulled together. “Yeah, why?” I ask, but as I do, I’m already turning to follow her gaze and when I do, a disbelieving scoff sharply escapes me.
Because instead of being out of town like he told me he would be, Logan is sitting at a table on the other side of the café, enjoying a meal with a brunette woman he can’t seem to take his eyes off of. My lips part in incredulity, tongue pressing to the back of my teeth as my grip on my fork tightens, fighting the urge to launch it across the café and take out his Goddamn eye. A violent reaction, I know, but it lives up to the anger that currently boils my blood.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I breathe out as I watch him grin widely at whatever the pretty woman he’s with says.
What in the hell is this? Did he just make up the trip, so he didn’t have to take Elaine for the weekend? So he could focus his attention on the woman he’s with? He cannot be fucking serious.
What’s even more sad is that this, at the core of it all, doesn’t really surprise me. I just wish he didn’t prove himself to be such a shitty dad to skip out on a weekend with his only kid and make up some excuse about it. How low do you have to be to do something like this?
“Fuck this,” I mutter before getting up to my feet. Tina doesn’t even stop me as I storm across the café to where Logan is sitting, and I’m only a few feet away when his gaze flickers and catches mine. I see the way his expression falls, annoyance flickering across, and it only fuels the rage simmering in my veins. “Didn’t know you were back from your trip already, Logan,” is how I greet him when I come to a stop next to the table. I see the woman look up at me, confused, while I fix my heated gaze and tight smile at my daughter’s father. “Elaine really missed out on being with her dad last weekend.”
I don’t know if that’s true, really. When I told her she would be with me for the weekend instead of Logan, she had been perfectly fine. We hung out with Tina and Bianca, got frozen yogurt despite the cold weather, watched movies all weekend long—it had been fun. She didn’t even mention Logan once, which just goes to show that whenever she goes to be with him for a weekend, it’s not memorable. It makes my heart ache for her and right now, I’m ready to skewer Logan alive for her.
“Uh, who are you?” the woman asks. “And who’s Elaine?” She glances back and forth between Logan and me. Her tone isn’t rude or unkind, and instead is riddled with confusion and curiosity. Oh, this poor girl.
I see some alarm flash across Logan’s eyes, can practically hear the gears in his head turning as he tries to come up with a lie. I beat him to it. I shoot the girl a smile. “I’m Daria, the mother ofourdaughter,” I inform the woman, gesturing between Logan and I with my index finger. I tilt my head at Logan, who is glaring heatedly at me. “Though, I’m not sure if I can say you’re much of a dad, given that you made up a bullshit trip just so you didn’t have to take Elaine for the weekend.”
The woman gapes at Logan and petty satisfaction warms me at the disgust that pulls her eyebrows together that is directed towards him. Logan, the fumbling idiot, scrambles to get himself out of this. “That’s not true,” he says hastily to the woman, who looks seconds away from bolting.Good. Run away, sister—save yourself. Logan scowls up at me. “The trip got canceled at the last second—”
I scoff with a roll of my eyes. “Oh, I’m sure,” I say, sarcasm heavy in my voice. I don’t believe him for a second.
The woman gets up, shrugging on her coat as Logan stares at her in bewilderment. “I’m gonna go,” she says, the disapproval heavy in her voice as she frowns at Logan. “You’ve got bigger problems to handle.”
As she moves past me, she shoots me an apologetic look, which I appreciate, before heading out the door. My gaze catches Tina, who is watching with rapt attention from our table, with her phone to her ear. No doubt Bianca’s on the other line.
“What the fuck is your problem?”
Logan’s icy voice has me dragging my gaze back to him. He’s on his feet now, a fierce scowl on his face. I cross my arms over my chest, not intimidated in the least. “What’smyproblem?” I ask incredulously. I shake my head, exasperation and anger lacing my words. “Jesus Christ, Logan, if you don’t want to be a fucking dad, just come out and say it.”
“I did, didn’t I?” he snaps, silencing me. “When you first told me that you were pregnant, I fucking told you I wasn’t ready to be a dad. That I didn’t want any part of it. The only reason I stuck around was because my parents forced me to. But I’m done worrying about what they think, especially when they’re not even here to keep my hands tied.” His parents live in Amsterdam now, having moved there after we graduated college. Logan shakes his head as I stare at him, a little surprised and a lot angry. “I’m done, Daria. I never wanted to have kids. I don’t like being a dad. I can’t fucking do it anymore.”
It doesn’t surprise me. None of what he said surprises me. Yet, my anger still simmers and I hate that I feel my eyes burn. But I know it’s only because of Elaine, as her sweet face flashes through my mind. “So, you’re okay with just. . . Walking away? Never seeing Elaine again? You’re fine with that?”
The merethoughtof me never seeing Elaine again is suffocating. It’s unimaginable. I could never, ever in a million years walk away from my sweet little girl. And, fuck me, I understand not everyone wants to be a parent. I get it. But it took three years for Logan to man up and say this, after letting Elaine into his life, after letting her form a relationship with him. Now he wants to cut it off, cold turkey, without any regard as to what it will do to her. To have her father walk out on her? How the hell do I protect her from this kind of rejection and pain?
I can’t. I fucking can’t.
Logan lets out a rough breath. Some of the heat in his eyes falters. His jaw clenches before he says, “She’s better off not having a dad at all than having one who never wanted the job in the first place.”
His words pierce my heart on behalf of Elaine. A job—that’s what fatherhood is to him? And now he wants to just quit. Right now, my anger numbs me. For so long, selfishly, I hated when he would have Elaine for the weekend, even if it gave me time for myself, because I knew he would just dump her in front of a TV or iPad instead of truly spending time with her—according to what she would tell me, anyway. It pissed me off that he wouldn’t take time with her seriously; but this. . . It hurts.
“So, you’re just done,” I say a little numbly.
He is silent for a few moments, and I wait for the regret to flash across his face. It never does. The muscle in his jaw feathers as he takes a breath. “Yeah.”
Thoughts of Elaine flood my brain, as always, as I swallow the tightness in my throat. “You don’t want just one more weekend—hell, one more day—with her? Just as, I don’t know, a goodbye before you fucking disappear from her life?”
He doesn’t deserve another minute with her, but all I can think of is Elaine, and how she will eventually ask where her dad is. She didn’t know the last time she was with her dad would be the last time. And I want to give them one more day together if Logan is willing to step up at least once.
Surprise flashes across his face, and I know he wasn’t expecting my offer. “You’re still willing to give me that after what I just told you?” he asks, trying to keep his tone dry, but I can hear the surprise clear as day.
I give a stiff nod. “Don’t screw it up. Just make it count.”
* * *
“Holy shit, I can’t get over this insane view.”
I chuckle at the awe in Bianca’s voice as she sits next to me, a can of beer in her hand and Tina sitting on the other side of her. We are currently at Soldier Field, sitting in a box for the Rebels game—my very first one. And, in true Caden fashion, instead of getting me tickets out in the open seats, he got me tickets in one of the fancy boxes that is filled with food, snacks, and TVs for a closer view of the field—which we can see the entirety of from up here.
