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The words don’t hurt as much as they once did. A slight sting still comes, but it isn’t as sharp, and I roll my eyes as I rejoin the others on the ground. Willow and Daria, unsurprisingly, are both eyeing me with various levels of curiosity and surprise. “Let me guess,” Daria says a little dryly. “An ex?”
I huff, cheeks a little warm from them witnessing that. “Unfortunately,” I say. Lilah shifts off Willow’s lap and comes to sit on mine, which warms my chest with delight.
Daria hums knowingly. “Don’t worry. I know a thing or two about s-h-i-t-t-y exes,” she says. She then points to Elaine on her lap before mouthing to me,her bio dad.
Willow throws me a reassuring smile. “It’s okay. Everybody makes mistakes.”
That gets a laugh out of me. “I was thinking the exact same thing.”
* * *
There’s a knock at my room door sometime after the girls and I get back to the hotel. When I take a look through the peephole, my heart flips in my chest when I see Leo standing on the other side of it. Opening the door, I shoot him a small smile and whisper, “Hey, she’s asleep.”
Leo walks in, gaze cutting to the bed, where Lilah is taking a nap. I see him smile at the sight of his daughter, shutting the door behind him. “I’ll take her in a minute,” Leo says quietly, turning to face me. His eyebrows crease as he asks, “Why didn’t you tell me you ran into your ex?”
I blink, a little surprised. No doubt Willow or Daria mentioned it to him—or maybe they mentioned it to Reed or Caden and one of them passed it onto Leo simply because I’m his nanny here, in the city, under his charge, basically. So, in a way, he is responsible for me.
“I—” I shrug, a breathless and helpless sort of laugh escaping me. “When would I have told you, Leo?”
“I don’t know. Maybe when you texted me to tell me you were back at the hotel?” he suggests, looking all sorts of put off that I didn’t mention this to him.
Shaking my head, I make sure to keep my voice low for Lilah’s sake as I respond, “You were in the middle of practice, Leo. And it’s not important, anyway.”
“The hell it’s not important,” he says, his frown deepening as he takes a step towards me. I watch him approach me, and I desperately want him to close the gap between us. No matter the circumstances, it seems my body always craves his. “This is the same ex that you were hiding from in the club that night, isn’t it?” Leo asks, and I nod, biting my bottom lip for a second. “There are obviously issues with him. So, if you ran into him, I want to know about it.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, feeling a little guilty. “Look, I know Lilah was there with me when he approached. I’m sorry about that—”
“You think that’s my issue with this?” Leo interrupts, and I’m a little surprised by the hurt that flashes in his eyes, briefly taking over the exasperation. “Alex, of course I don’t want my daughter around that. But that’s not all this is. I don’t wantyouaround him if he makes you uncomfortable. I know we’re still figuring shit out, but I—” He lets out a breath, shaking his head as his light brown eyes pin on me. “I care about you. Making sure you’re okay is a top priority for me, whether we’re together or not.”
His words, though simple, are spoken earnestly and honestly, and that’s what does me in, I think. I see it reflected in his eyes, this unadulterated desire for me to be okay, just like he said, without any expectations in return. And I don’t doubt it for a second, because if there is one thing I know about Leo, it’s that he is honest in everything he says or does. I see it in his eyes, how much he cares about me, and it is overwhelming in the best way. To be cared for like that, to be wanted the way he wants me—it’s the kind of thing people spend their entire lives looking for. And I have it, right in front of me.
I would be fucking insane to say no to it—to him. To walk away from someone, I want just as much.
It’s scary—no fucking doubt about it. The risks that come with being with Leo concerning my job. . .
But I’ve been working towards having a family of my own, haven’t I? I tell myself that looking after kids whose parents don’t have the time for them is so I can make sure they don’t feel neglected the way I had been when I was growing up—by my parents, at least. And that is true. But what’s also true is that, with every kid I look after, I am learning the kind of mom I want to be—as well as the kind of partner I want when it comes to raising kids. Starting my own family would mean not spending so much time with other families, because I need to give my focus to my own family.
And what if. . . What if I find that with Leo and Lilah?
It’s a big fucking leap, I know. It’s crazy to think so far ahead into the future when the present is only just beginning. But, if Leo and I are careful, we can keep things on the down low until we find out if this thing between us—this electric, wonderful, desirable thing—is permanent or not.
Is it so bad to already think that I feel like it is permanent? I look at him, and no other future seems as bright, as fulfilling, as one with Leo and Lilah does. Because that little girl? I love her. I can honestly say I love her more than any other kid I have nannied for, and a part of me thinks it’s because I know, deep down, this is different.
That this family might just be my last one. That it could, one day, bemine.
It is a gigantic leap of faith. But as Leo stands before me, always honest about what and who he wants, it’s a leap I want to take. Especially knowing that it would be with him.
“I want to be.” The words blurt out of me, a reply to what Leo said and a conclusion drawn from my spinning thoughts. Leo blinks into an expression of realization, and a smile tugs at my mouth as I take a step towards him. “I want us to be together.” Reaching forward, I take his hands in mine, and revel in how perfect my hands feel with his. His fingers tighten around mine, holding me just as much as I am holding him as I keep my gaze fixed up on his. “It’s—It’s a little scary, but I have never wanted someone more. I’ve neverlikedanyone the way I like you, Leo. And I do. So fucking much. I want to give us a try, because I know it will be worth it. Because you and Lilah are.”
I hear the breath Leo releases, can see the way it makes his body shudder in relief, and I can only begin to form a smile when he closes the remaining gap between us to crush his lips to mine. I don’t fight it; I let the heat spread through me, allow myself to enjoy the electricity charging the air as Leo’s hands cup my cheeks as he kisses me. He holds me like he never wants to let go, and I cling onto him all the same. I have spent so many years taking care of others, spent my childhood being taken care of by others as well.
But this—this is different. This isn’t out of obligation—it’s pure desire and want. And I won’t be letting it go anytime soon.
15
LEO
Six months later. . .
