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“I know, but I think it’s for the best.”
“Maybe.” I said, staring off into the distance. “Make sure she has the best time of her life Maddie.” I sniffled as tears started pooling, “God knows she deserves it.”
“Mom, can we eat cake for dinner tonight?” Penelope asked me on the way home from school the next afternoon.
“Uh-.” I paused and then shrugged my shoulders, “Why not.”
“Yes!” She hissed pumping her fist in the air and I smiled at her in the review mirror.
I’d slept through the entire night last night, something I hadn’t done in years. And I tried to pretend that it had nothing to do with a certain level of peace settling in my troubled heart from finding out that Fox didn’t kill my brother.
Regardless of its cause, it had left me in a good mood, and I was feeling generous to her ridiculous ploys.
Maybe it was stupid, it probably was, but it made me feel a bit less guilty for longing for him still.
The second I let myself feel that relief, I was assaulted by the fear I felt knowing I’d hidden a big secret from him for five years. And he was going to be pissed when he found out.
Regardless of my motive behind it, Maddie was right. I was in a hole, and every day that passed now that I had knowledge of his innocence, I dug myself deeper into it as I kept my own secrets.
I just didn’t want to admit the wrong I’d done based solely off the wrongs I’d thought had been done to me. Only there was no avoiding it any longer, for when we got back from school, Maddie had both of their suitcases by the door.
Penelope eyed them curiously as she tossed her backpack in the closet, “Mama, are we going somewhere?” She asked.
I took a deep breath and put on my best brave face. “You and Aunt Maddie are going on a special vacation!” I said excitedly, “Do you want to know where?”
“Yes!” Penny jumped up and down eagerly.
“You’re going to see Aunt Suzie on her ranch in Kansas. You get to stay there and help her with her horses and goats and chickens and all the other fun animals I’m sure she’s collected since we talked to her last.”
“Do I get to ride on a horse?” She clasped her hands together under her chin like she was begging for it.
“I’m sure she has all of it set up for you baby.” I ran my hand over her hair, “You’re going to have a great time. And Aunt Maddie will be with you the whole time, doesn’t that sound like so much fun?”
She tilted her head to the side and dropped her hands. “You’re not going?”
I shook my head but smiled, “No, I must stay home and work. But I promise you’ll have so much fun even without me. You can call me every day and we can video chat and everything. You won’t miss me a bit, I swear.”
She hesitated, chewing on her little bottom lip as Maddie walked into the room. “We’re going to have so much fun Juney Bug, Aunt Suzie said she bought a whole bushel of carrots so you could feed her horses.”
“That sounds fun.” She said hesitantly. “If you’re sure…” She asked looking up at me.
“I’m sure baby.” I hugged her tight and held on much longer than necessary. “I miss you already, but you’ll be back before you know it. I promise.”
“Okay, Mama.” She said, and then jumped down to check over her suitcase in excitement. I sat back and watched her, letting her joy fill my aching heart with anything other than despair. Being away from her for a whole week while also facing down the painful conversations I was going to have to have with Fox were both daunting tasks.
Compelling myself to put my big girl panties on and do it, as I had with everything else in life.
I made dinner, grilled cheeses to go with the cake I promised her, and we ate in the living room around the TV like we didn’t have a care in the world. When it was all done, she jumped into the back seat of Maddie’s car and waved out the window as they pulled away down the street.
I wanted nothing more than to call in sick from my shift and lay in bed sobbing for my little girl and all the wrongs that were done to her without her knowledge, but I forced myself to go to work anyway.
I had to stay busy and figure out a way to tell Fox of my deception because if I didn’t have a plan in place, I’d fuck it up.
When I parked in my spot along the edge of Cherry’s full parking lot, I scanned the pavement for trouble like I’d been doing for years.
And found it leaned against his motorcycle seat smoking a cigarette.
Taz.
