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“I actually felt pretty in them,” I whispered after a long stretch of silence between us, with only the noise of me shredding the clothing to fill the space. “Stupid, huh?”
“No,” Molly replied gently, walking into the room to stand on the other side of the counter where I mutilated thousands of dollars of apparel that she had painstakingly folded and arranged by color for me. “I think you’re justified in your anger right now.”
“Hmm,” I huffed and then paused when she handed me a new pair of lace panties to shred. “Doesn’t this piss you off?” I nodded to the pile of chaos before me. “The mess of it all?”
She smiled and shrugged her shoulders, “If I know Mr. Capasso at all, he’ll simply buy you more. And I’ll arrange those pieces the same as these. If it makes you feel better to take your anger out on something, then I’ll help.” She sighed, “Because I’m unable to help you in a way that matters.”
I dropped my hands to the counter and looked at her across the marble top and felt my shoulders deflate. “I don’t want to be a mom,” I whispered, voicing my feelings out loud for the first time in my life.
“For what it matters, I think you’d be a great one.” She smiled gently at me.
That only made me sadder. “I have no idea how to be a good mom to someone.” I put the scissors down on the counter and pushed the lace away. “I’ve never even seen what a good one looks like.”
She pursed her lips and picked up the scissors, sliding them into the pocket of her dress like she was afraid I’d pick them back up and hurt someone with them.
Or maybe she was afraid I’d hurt myself.
It was anyone’s guess.
“There’s a centuries-long debate about motherhood and human nature.” She said, busying herself with piling up the destroyed lingerie. “Some people, like yourself, think that you need to be taught how to be a mother. That the lessons need to be learned before you know what to do in situations.”
“But you don’t think that.” I twisted the drawstrings from my sweater around my fingers as she simply shrugged her shoulders.
“I don’t. I’m from the side of the debate that thinks knowing how to be a mother is merely engrained in our DNA through biology. I believe that creatures, human and animal alike, were put on this earth to create life.” She looked up at me, “I think that nature will take hold of someone when they’re faced with the challenges that creating life will bring up. Then our bodies will simply know what to do, or at the very least, be equipped with the problem-solving techniques to figure it out. Sure there’s going to be a lot of free will encompassed in the equation, but you don’t strike me as the kind of person to let an innocent child suffer because of circumstances they didn’t have a say in.”
I chewed on my bottom lip and looked out of the closet door to where Dr. Travis walked out of the bathroom with my urine sample and a bunch of used test strips.
“You have a good mom, don’t you, Molly?” I looked back over at her.
A knowing smile graced her sweet face. “I do.” She nodded and chuckled gently, “She’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met before.” She stepped around the island and stood close, “And you’d never know by looking at her or watching her parent, that she was the product of a broken and abusive household. She’s kind, gentle, and patient. She loves everyone first and gives them chance after chance to get things right.”
I chuckled sadly and looked away from her penetrating blue eyes. “I wonder how different my life would have turned out if I had a mother like yours.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what,” She took my hand and patted it gently, “I’ll ask her if she’ll adopt you. We do Sunday dinners every week and you’re always welcome to come get a taste of her kindness, whenever you want.”
I laughed and smiled at her absurd offer. “I’ll see you there someday.”
“Good.” She smiled back, proud of herself for pulling me out of my manic rage. “Now.” She grimaced. “I should probably pick this mess up before Mr. Capasso retires for the evening.”
“Ach,” I tossed my shoulder carelessly, “Leave it. And go home for the night.”
“I don’t mind,” She started to argue but I held my hand up.
“I don’t think you’ll want to be around when he retires, Molly.” I said firmly, “Take your out when I give you one. Because while you came from a loving and sweet home, I came from one that really knows how to throw a temper tantrum. And that’s exactly what I plan on doing.” I winked at her. “And I don’t want you to witness another one of my falls from grace.” I eyed the pile of lingerie still thrown around the room. “One a day is plenty.”
She chuckled and nodded her head, “As you wish.”
“Have a good night.” I walked with her out of the closet and then gave my attention to the doctor who was doing a whole ass science experiment on our coffee table. “Let’s finish this exam, shall we.”
She nodded dutifully and motioned for me to sit in the chair as she pulled on a fresh pair of gloves.
Molly left silently and the doctor carefully wrapped the tourniquet around my upper arm after sliding my baggy sweater sleeve up. “When was your last period?” She asked as she worked.
“Three weeks ago,” I answered, having already done the math while I was having a breakdown in the bathroom. “Which means it’s too late for me already isn’t it?” I eyed the different colored test strips on the sterile barrier she laid on the table.
She swallowed and tapped my arm, looking for my vein, “Judging off your urine tests alone it looks like you’ve recently ovulated.” She grabbed the needle and I looked away, “Little pinch.” She placed the test tubes one by one, collecting my blood. “When was the first time you were intimate with Mr. Capasso?”
“Almost a week ago,” I whispered.
