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“What just happened?” he asks, his smile fading.
“It’s nothing.” I lie, but truthfully, it’s everything. The past few days have been difficult, to say the least. My brothers hiring hunters to kill me, the fight with Lucian, and finally my dad turning his back on me. But the worst were the hours that I thought I was going to die and never see Xavier again.
To distract myself from these thoughts, I run my fingers over Xavier’s toned abdomen. The muscles beneath his skin ripple with each touch, and I can’t resist the temptation to brush my fingers through that dark trail of hair that mesmerizes me. With a mischievous smile, I slip my hand beneath the covers, eager to indulge in my desire.
However, my actions are short-lived as Xavier quickly intercepts my wandering fingers. He firmly grasps my hand and brings it back to his chest, interrupting my exploration. “Do you want to talk about today?” he asks.
“Not really,” I pout. I mean, how am I supposed to think straight when I’m in bed with Xavier, the man who could make a nun break her vows? Xavier’s gaze fixes on my lips, and I swear I can feel them tingle under his intense stare.
“You’re too bloody distracting,” Xavier growls, his voice low and rough, sending shivers down my spine. He pulls me in until our lips almost touch, and I have to bite my lip to stop myself from devouring him. “But we can’t ignore everything that has happened.” His words are serious, but his tone is still gruff and sexy, making me want to throw all caution to the wind and attack him.
I know he’s right, and we can’t avoid the conversation any longer. So I press my lips against his for a quick kiss and say, “I don’t think I have had enough time to process it. All my life, I wanted to turn into my wolf form, and now I’m turning into some beast. It’s scary and confusing, and I don’t even remember everything that happened at the trailer park, but I know it was bad. The worst part is that I am too afraid to ask you what I did because I’m scared of what the answer might be.”
“It’s natural to feel scared and lost in this new skin. But remember, you did what you had to do. Given the way you’ve been treated, your actions are understandable.” Xavier’s hand moves from my hip to my lower back, and he traces a line up my spine with his fingers. If he’s going to keep touching me like that, I don’t see how much talking I’ll be able to do. When he touches me, I need to really concentrate to keep my mind from wandering to more pleasurable thoughts.
In this room with Xavier, I feel safe and protected. It’s as if nothing bad can touch me when I’m with him. But I know I can’t hide from reality forever. The events of the night swirl around in my mind like a never-ending storm. “Why did I transform into this beast and not a wolf?”
“Marcus thinks that the beast has always been inside you, and when he and Amara tried to heal you with their powers and you ingested blood from another vampire and me, the magic gave your beast the power it needed to fully emerge. That’s why you transform into a unique creature instead of a traditional wolf. It’s also possible that your transformation is linked to your ancestry or some other unknown factor.”
“I can feel the beast inside, but I have your vampiric powers. So, am I a vampire, a beast, or some mixed-up hybrid of the two?”
“Does it truly matter what you are?” Xavier interjects, his grip on me tightening. “Why do we have to define it? You are you, a unique combination of strength, emotions, and power. The labels we assign ourselves can sometimes confine us, trapping us within preconceived notions and expectations. What truly matters is how you navigate this newfound existence, embracing the complexities and the essence of who you are.”
“Will I be able to control the transformation, or does the beast have control now? It’s not the same as when I felt my wolf, but the beast is my wolf, only she’s stronger and more dangerous.”
“You’re never alone, love.” Xavier’s voice is low, almost a growl. “We’ll face the challenges together, supporting each other every step of the way. I have no doubt that you will, with time, learn how to master your transformation.”
I gaze at him, my mind clouded with uncertainty as I struggle to find the right words to express the fears that grip me. He’s articulating every reassuring thought I long to hear, yet I don’t know how to reconcile myself with the idea of transforming into a beast. I fear losing myself in the process and not recognizing who I am becoming. I vocalize the turmoil within me: “I’ve been an outcast all my life for being different, and now I’m more of a freak than ever before.”
“You will always have a place with me, little wolf. When I look at you, I see strength and resilience. You have the power to embrace your differences and turn them into something beautiful.”
My dad never saw that, and I know he never will. A single tear escapes the corner of my eye; it trails down my cheek, leaving a trail of vulnerability in its wake before dripping onto Xavier’s skin. I notice that my tears are now tears of blood, like Xavier’s are.
“Thank you for stopping me before I killed my dad.” My voice wavers. “I know I should feel remorse for my brothers, but I have none. I don’t care about the pack either. But my dad... he’s different. He was the only one who showed me any kindness, despite being the one who hurt me the most. I still love him.” I wonder if I will ever see my dad again. What would I even say to him?
I’ve made my choice, and it’s Xavier, and I need to move on from the past. But a part of me will always hold onto the memories of my dad and the love I had for him, even if it’s complicated and painful. It’s a difficult journey, but I know I’ll find my way.
“I know you do,” he says, his thumb rubbing the tear track from my cheek. And although it angers me because he doesn’t deserve even an ounce of your devotion, I understand. I don’t remember my parents or how it feels to have a family, but I can see the depth of your emotions towards him. I admire your strength in still being able to love despite the pain he caused.” Xavier moves his hand to the base of my neck, his grip firm, so I can’t look away. “I’m just glad that you are here; I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“I feel the same way.”
I lean down and kiss him softly on the lips, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. Despite everything, I know that our love is strong enough to overcome any obstacle that comes our way.
“There’s so much more to worry about, though,” I say as I break the kiss. “Like the fact that I turn into a beast. A beast, Xavier!”
Xavier laughs softly and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my cheek. “You’ll get over it.”
“It’s such bullshit; the universe has been screwing me even since before I was born.” I flop down onto my back beside Xavier. “I don’t even know if I want to change into the beast again; that shit hurts. All the other supernatural creatures have their powers at their fingertips; they don’t have to go through the agony of every bone and muscle snapping and reforming just to tap into their abilities. I mean, take you, for instance. You simply drop your fangs, make your eyes go all red and glowy, and voila! While I have to grow fur, ears, and a tail. I swear if I had thought this through properly, I would never have been so disappointed at not being able to transform into my wolf.”
The bed sheets rustle as Xavier lifts himself onto his elbows, his eyes capturing my attention with their intense darkness. Almost black, they hold a mesmerizing blend of warm, earthy tones that seem to draw me in.
A smirk forms on Xavier’s lips, hinting at his confidence and a touch of mischief. “It’s a magnificent tail, love, so lustrous and glossy.”
What?
Oh no, he did not just go there...
“Fuck off, you garlic-phobic goth,” I curse, but even I can hear the smile in my voice.
