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Lillian
Ididn’t sleep the night before. I was lost, confused. Unsure of what to do with myself.
I hadn’t wanted what Amadeus did to me last night. He violated me—raped me, sexually assaulted me. And despite me knowing I didn’t want it, my body responded to his touch. I was wet before he even got my panties off of me. My body had already begun responding to him when he tied me up.
He took me out to an abandoned shack full of spiders—one of my biggest fears—and he’d made me somehow forget all of that as soon as he touched me.
And for some reason, I wanted more. Why was I so screwed up? Why did I want his depravity?
My face heated in mortification. I needed to go to the church. I needed to beg for God’s forgiveness, not only for what I’d allowed to happen last night, but to also plead that he forgive me for not controlling my body’s responses better.
I’d sinned in one of the worst ways possible in His eyes. I’d allowed a man to touch me out of wedlock, to take something from me that should have belonged to my future husband. How could He ever forgive me for that?
Or was He punishing me for something I was unaware of?
I had no idea, but I was going to try to figure all of this out. I needed God’s forgiveness first, and then I needed to figure out how to control the way my body responded to Amadeus and his sinful ways so easily.
That was all I could do—just try. Trying meant something, right? Ithadto.
“Father,” I said softly, stepping into the living room where he was reading his Bible. He glanced up at me, clenching his jaw. It took everything in me not to cower in fear. He’d been looking at me with nothing but contempt since I’d come home last night. It was like he could sense something had happened between me and Amadeus. But if he suspected something, why didn’t he say anything? Why was he being silent?
Or was he angry with me because of whatever Amadeus said to him?
And that was another thing… Why was Amadeus going out of his way to try to protect me from my father? It didn’t make sense when he was just hurting me in private. Violating me. Terrifying me.
“Can I please go to the church?”
Father grunted and waved his hand at me, looking back to his Bible. “Go. And be back in time for dinner.”
I respectfully bowed my head at him. “Thank you, Father.”
I quickly left the living room and headed to the front door, only breathing somewhat normally when I was outside, the front door closed back behind me. With slightly shaking hands, I tucked my blonde hair behind my ears and then began walking down the sidewalk, heading toward the church.
* * *
Amadeus
I stared up at the cross behind my father’s desk with a scowl on my face. The urge to destroy this entire office thrummed through my veins, but I tamped it down. Solomon needed me, and I wouldn’t risk leaving him with my father. Which meant there would be no criminal destruction of property happening today. Police officers and getting arrested did not factor into any of my plans.
But fuck, I really wanted to just destroy the entire fucking room. Break his computer. Tear down his bookshelves. Light the fucking Bibles on fire.
Fuck, at this point, I wanted to destroy this whole fucking church and everything it stood for and represented.
We’d started our morning off with a shouting match because hestillwanted me to marry Lillian sooner rather than later, and I refused to fucking back down. I wasn’t one of the men that followed his word like it was law.
I made my own laws. My own rules.
And all of my rules and laws clashed with his. He fuckinghatedit.
I’d escaped from the house as soon as Ezra came to pick Solomon up to take him to school, saying I needed to grab something from the church before I left to go to campus. I’d come here with the intention of destroying his office, but now that I was in here and thinking mostly straight again, I knew I just needed to get to fucking class. I could work out later with Ezra and get some of this agitation out of me.
I couldn’t do a single fucking thing to jeopardize Solomon’s freedom.
I turned on my heel and strode out of the office, leaving it wide open just because I knew it annoyed the fuck out of him. And he would know I was the one that did it. Childish move, but what the fuck ever.
Blowing out a soft breath, I headed for the front of the church. The sound of Lillian’s soft voice reached my ears, making me pause. I cocked my head the slightest bit, straining my ears to make out what she was saying.
“Father, I’m here to beg for Your forgiveness. I know I don’t deserve it after what I allowed to happen last night and for responding like I did. I promise I’ll learn to control my body better the next time he touches me without my consent. Please, Father, I’m begging You.”
