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Looking over my shoulder at him, I say, “Maybe I should give it a try—this whole not sleeping not eating thing. It would be great to have more waking hours. Plus, I’d save money on breakfast.”
“Oh no.” Grigory comes up behind me and gathers my hair behind my neck. “That won’t work for you.” He leans down to press his lips to my shoulder, and I shudder as goose bumps erupt down my arm.
“How do you know before I try it?” I already know he’s right, of course, but I enjoy this banter.
“Don’t try what the grown-ups do,devochka.” He snakes a hand around my waist, under my blouse, and my breathing becomes a little louder as he presses his warm palm against my stomach. “You need your eight hours and a good meal to start the day.”
“I’m a grown-up too.” I roll my eyes even as I smile. “And either way, most grown-ups couldn’t do what you do.”
I feel him shrug against my back. “Probably not. I’m not like most people.”
He most certainly isn’t. If not just for his sleep and eating habits—and extreme work mentality—then because of his dominant authority and his uncanny ability to spark the need to obey within me.
We continue the easy conversation as we eat. Afterward, Grigory takes me back to bed, where we sit against the headboard, reading.
Somehow, I feel more comfortable around him today than I have before. I’m not sure if it’s the light banter or if it’s knowing he came back. The latter seems to have relieved me of a burden I barely realized weighed me down until it was gone. I’m still not entirely confident that he won’t suddenly back out, but I’m as sure as I think is possible at this point.
He seems more comfortable and approachable too, and it gives me the confidence to do something I’ve wanted to do for a while—something that is crucial if I want to feel fully secure in this new dynamic.
Burrowing my head against his chest, I steel myself for the topic I’m about to launch into. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” He gently strokes my hair, and it gives me the needed boost of courage to dive into the difficult topic.
“How long were you with your ex?” It’s not a very personal question as such, but simply touching upon the subject seems risky. So I ease my way in.
Grigory’s arm tenses around me, and I get the feeling that his “of course” was more polite than genuine. I wait a minute, and I’m starting to think he won’t answer when he breathes a resigned sigh and says, “Two years. The only two years of my life I regret.”
I’m a bit taken aback. His short answer holds more honesty than I expected. I take it as an opening.
“What happened between the two of you?”
Again, a long pause before he speaks. “Magdalena was a very volatile woman.” He wraps his other arm around me too, holding me tight as if needing the closeness to steady himself. “One moment, she’d be sweetly submissive. The next, she’d act out like a lunatic. It was emotionally exhausting to be around her—like walking in a minefield. Everything would be great for days, then suddenly, out of the blue, it was all falling apart.”
“Was she bipolar or something?”
“Most likely. But I never knew for sure. She’d act like I’d slapped her whenever I suggested she’d get help. Once, she even threatened to show people the bruises on her neck if I brought it up again.” He adds in a somber tone, “She loved getting those bruises.”
I realize I’m fisting his shirt when he nudges his fingers into mine. The idea of someone making such a threat, no matter how empty, is horrifying. It’s easy to think the sub is the only vulnerable one in a D/s dynamic, but a Dom puts himself in a vulnerable position too when he takes control.
“I’d never do something like that,” I say, leaning up on my elbow to let him see the sincerity in my eyes. “Never.”
“I know,devochka. I know.” He pulls me back down and presses a long kiss to the top of my head, and I shudder as the horrible threat lingers in my mind.
“Why did you stay with her so long?” I ask to break my mind free.
“Bipolar people can go long stretches of time without showing any signs of illness. I guess Magdalena was in such a phase when I met her. It took months before I saw the other side of her. By then, I was in too deep to call it quits.”
I remember Markus telling me how Grigory has always been tenacious, never giving up on his relationship with Magdalena, not even when it was at its worst. It makes sense. Reaching a status like Grigory’s takes tremendous effort. Grigory knows what he wants and goes after it, so if he wanted this Magdalena, I’m not surprised he’d suffer through the volatility in the hopes he could make it work.
A heavy feeling washes over me.He never tried to keep me.On the contrary, he seemed adamant to gain distance. “Is that why... you know... you didn’t want me.” God, it hurts to say it, and I start pulling away from him.
Grigory tips my chin up, locking our eyes together. “Clara, I was convinced I was never going to have a sub again. It simply hurt too much. Then you came along and thoroughly messed with that notion. It took me some time to accept I might not be able to shut off my feelings for you. But now I have, and I’m not going anywhere.”
My breath halts as I stare at him.Grigory has feelings for me?
Of course, I knew there was attraction, chemistry, and sexual lust. But feelings? That’s an entirely different level. My heart beats away as it tries to grasp this new information.
God, I have so many feelings for this man too that I can’t even name half of them.
