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“What? No, she doesn’t have the flu. I mean the actual plague.”
“Are you drunk?”
I ran a hand through my hair. “Fuck, Theo. Get to Lindy’s house. I’m driving there now.”
I slammed on my brakes and honked my horn at a car that cut me off.
“Because she might have the plague,” he repeated, as if saying it again would make me realize I meant plaque. But her fucking dentist date could take care of that, not Theo.
“Yes!” I yelled, death gripping the steering wheel. I was losing my mind. “She needs medical help.”
“The plague.”
“How many times are you going to say that?”
“Once more. The plague? It’s not 1350. Why the hell do you think she has the plague?”
“She was attacked by a squirrel.”
“Say that again.”
“A squirrel. They carry the plague, don’t they?”
He paused. “It’s possible. Around here, Yersinia pestis is more likely in prairie dogs.”
Had it been a prairie dog in her closet? Fuck!
“She said it was a squirrel, but maybe she didn’t see it right. Maybe it was a prairie dog in her closet.”
“Her closet.”
“Are you a doctor or a parrot? Get to Lindy’s house. Stat, or whatever you doctors say.”
Mav hovered beside me, watching with less concern and more amusement. Theo had been with him and Bridget and they’d all driven over together. Stat.
Bridget was on the arm of the couch since the coffee table was still turned over the main part of it, wiping her eyes because she’d been laughing so hard.
“I’m fine, Dex,” Lindy said, reaching out and taking my hand in a motherly squeeze.
“You can see the fucker’s little nail marks,” I said, pointing to her forearm and biceps. Four little red lines cut along her skin.
“They’re called scratches,” Theo clarified in his usual deadpan voice. “You watched me clean them with soap and water and this antibiotic ointment will help.”
“Help? Why would it need to help?”
Theo glanced at Lindy. “You sure you want this one? I think he got hit by a slapshot or two in Finland.”
Lindy squeezed my hand again. Sighed. “Now that the exterior’s closed up, I was going to stay here. But I know what I don’t want as a roommate. A squirrel.”
What the fuck? She was going to move out of my little rental? Why? When did she decide this? Why didn’t we talk about it?
“You’re staying with me until it’s found,” I said, putting my proverbial foot down. I didn’t give a shit about a fucking squirrel, but he was my new best friend for giving her a reason not to come back to her house. I’d make him a little nest. Track down some acorns and shit. He could move his furry ass right on in if that kept Lindy out.
And scratch free.
“The front and back doors are open,” Mav said, pointing to the front door. “The little guy will run out on his own.”
“She can’t keep the doors open all night! A bear could walk in. Mountain lion. Raccoon.”
