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“No. She just wanted you to accept it and allow it, no matter how it hurt you. I remember well. We often argued because she wasn’t willing to change in even the slightest way. She is who she is, and to hell with everyone else.” His anger rose again, sending the approaching waiter in another direction.
“That’s the motto she lives by. And she’s paying for it now. Though I’m sure she thinks she’ll come out of this unscathed. I’ve always been quick to hide my anger and disappointment by acting like nothing happened. I can’t do that this time. This isn’t the same as not showing up for a ballet recital or a swim competition.”
Nate perked up with interest. “You took ballet lessons?”
“From about the age of three to ten. It was fun, but it didn’t satisfy my drive or competitive nature. I started swimming when I was nine. By the time I was ten, ballet was too tame. I started winning, and that was it for me. I loved it. The power, the accomplishment, the freedom. I swam all four years of college. Grandfather pushed college despite the fact I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do. It was always expected I would go into business and work beside him. Eventually the company will come to me. I inherited the real estate. I have my trust fund on top of my salary. If I wanted, I could travel and never work a day of my life. Despite all I have, I still felt like I was sliding through life like it was a frozen lake and I couldn’t get my feet under me. Every time I tried to stand on my own, family expectations slid me right back to doing what Grandfather and Mom wanted. Swimming was the one thing I had that was mine.”
“Were you alone at those swim meets?”
“Not always. Mom came sometimes. Though she was more interested in the fathers and being seen and envied by the other mothers.” Giving Nate a wicked smile, she said, “Grandfather would come wearing his suit and tie and looking so out of place. He always seemed to show up just in time to see me swim. Sitting on the bleachers, his fists clenched, waiting for me to come off the block. He never cheered, but when I’d win, he’d pound his fists on his knees once and yell, ‘That’s my girl.’”
Giggling, she saw her father’s smile falter. “It wasn’t so bad, Dad.”
“I should have been there.”
“You would have been. I know that, and it makes it easier. As furious as I am with Grandfather for keeping the secret, and especially for knowing who and where you were all these years and never telling either of us, I can’t discount the fact that whenever I needed him, he was there for me. Whether he would have been the same if you were there, I can’t say. Maybe it was his guilty conscience. Whatever. All I know is he tried to be the best father figure to me he could be. Where he spoiled and indulged my mother because he was so focused on work, he learned the error of his ways and pushed me to be better than her. I’ve officially worked at the company since I was sixteen. I learned how the business works from the ground up and how to stand on my own thanks to him. I learned there are more important things in life than getting a man to love you and making sure you never leave empty-handed.”
“I won’t thank Charles for keeping the secret and what it’s cost us.” One side of Nate’s mouth pinched with his next words. “But I’m glad you at least had him.”
“I am what I am because of them.” Reaching out, she took his hand again. “I’m also who I am because of you. DNA aside, I spent all those growing-up years trying to be the best I could be, hoping to make you proud.”
“For the wrong reasons,” he said, not giving an inch on his anger toward her mother. “I am so proud of you.” That pride turned to pain in his eyes. “Every time I look at you, I think of something else I don’t know, or I missed. I can’t get that back. Holding you on my chest as you slept as a baby, or taking you to your first day of school. All the birthdays I missed, cuts and scrapes I didn’t get to kiss better, boys I didn’t get to run off from the house.”
“You could run Cody off if you like,” she said, teasing.
“We both know you don’t want me to do that.”
“Not right now, anyway.” She hoped to lighten his mood.
The waiter arrived to take their order. Funny, they ordered the same thing, even though they hadn’t discussed what they wanted beforehand.
“Honey, are you not feeling well?” Nate asked.
Realizing she was rubbing at her head again, she answered, “It’s just a headache. I get them sometimes when I’m under a great deal of stress.”
“If you’d rather go home and rest, we could...”
“No. I’m fine.” It touched her that he was concerned about her well-being. “Hey, Dad. There’s another way to think about all this.”
“How’s that, sweetheart?”
“There’s still a lot for us to look forward to. One day, you’ll walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. You’ll come to the hospital when your grandchildren are born. As young as we both are, there’s still a lot of life left to live for both of us.”
“If not for your grandfather’s meddling, I might not have ever known you existed.” Sighing heavily, he gave in to the moment. “But, yes, we have lots of time to make memories. I’ll try to focus on that, rather than everything we’ve missed. Better?”
“Better.”
He eyed her. “So your mother hasn’t soured you on the idea of marriage and children?”
“No. I just don’t want a marriage that looks like hers. Or that’s just a business arrangement. I want it to be real. Like yours and Miranda’s seems to be.”
“I still look at her sometimes and can’t believe how lucky I am that she loves me.”
“It shows when you two look at each other.”
“Sometimes it’s just there between two people.”
She immediately thought of her reaction and connection to Cody.
