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What? My father had been forced toleaveme? To give me to that crazy woman who sold me and Hope to Walid? No. There are laws— Fuck. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change things. “He could’ve taken us. He could’ve run to the reservation. He knew what she was.”
Tony shakes his weary head. “Did what he could. Drugged as he was, found his way to Momma, a woman he knew adopted kids. Told her and Leland about youse.”
“Cooper? Cooper was the one who told Momma about me and Hope?”
Tony nods. His eyes tell a thousand things, a thousand secrets I’d never have guessed. The Guild, the Fab Five, busting into the basement that night, it seemed… I never questioned how they knew, how they found me. I had too much guilt that they’d gotten there too late for Hope.
I’ve had it all wrong this whole time.
Tony shudders, coughs. “Cooper told me that he hung outside Momma’s office for three days, begging her and Leland to help. They finally listened. A day too late for Hope. But not for you. My Justice. My best friend.” He taps his chest. “This tattoo, ‘All for one,’ is for you.You’rethe one. You with the good heart. You really want to save people. Not Momma. Never her.”
I have to force my throat to swallow past the root of growing panic. “She rescued us. She rescued you from that alley.”
“No,youdid. They set it up. They took even that from me, but you didn’t know it. You did what they knew you would.”
“What? Who set it up? Took what from you?”
My throat is going into lockdown. Alarms sound in my head; doors close in my heart; prisons spring to life in my soul. I lower my gun, tasting the salt of tears on my lips. “Tone, why are you shaking?”
His glazed eyes roam up to me. He blinks, jerks his head. “Oh. The patch.” He waves a hand. “Smeared it. Got no reason to live now anyhows.”
Tony falls over.
I hear my own screaming even as I’m running to him, dropping to him, grabbing him. “What did you do?” I shake him by his shoulders. “What did you do? You stupid idiot!”
Sandesh is there, reaching across Tony. He pulls my hands away. “Careful. Don’t touch.”
It hurts so badly, I can’t breathe.
“He’s got your back.” Tony tucks his hands into his armpits. He gasps for breath.
I want to move him, make him comfortable because he landed oddly, his right leg bent back, caught under his ass.
He begins to convulse, his teeth chattering.
How do I fix this? How do I stop it?
Tony is staring at me. “I did good, too? Right, J? Not all bad.” His hazel eyes, the haunted eyes that once looked out from the face of a starving twelve-year-old boy, pin me. Beg me.
My heart breaks into a thousand irreparable pieces. It will never be whole again. “Yeah, Tone.” I speak over my sobs. “You did a lot of good. You were my best friend. I love you. I will always love you.”
He closes his eyes. “Don’t cry, J.”
A smile crosses his lips. A smile that twitches at the edges, then… goes flat.
61
SANDESH
During the last month, the energy in my apartment has changed, and not subtly either. I can’t think of the perfect word for it—this shift in atmosphere since Justice has been staying here.
There’s probably a French word for the buzz of warmth, the charged peace, the surge of contentment, the electric joy of waking up every morning beside the person I love, but I don’t know it.
All I can call it is…blessed.
That fits but doesn’t cover the thrill of falling asleep with her in my arms, knowing she’s safe. Or the jolt of awareness I feel upon waking, like right now, with her warm and asleep beside me.
Or the way my heart lifts every morning when she rolls over and kisses me then makes love to me and I fall back to sleep in a satiated heap.
