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“I’m sorry.”
“Why?” She looks confused.
“I’m sorry I fucked up and told you I loved you. I know you didn’t want to hear that. You’ve told me from the beginning of whatever this is that you had no intention of falling in love.”
“Don’t apologize for falling in love, Maddox.” She sighs and turns her full attention to me. “You can’t help that shit. I’m just sorry that you fell in love with someone like me.”
“Why is it that you don’t feel like you deserve love? Why don’t you believe in love?”
“Maddox,” she warns. I know I’m in dangerous territory. She could bolt at any moment.
“What? Those are legitimate questions. Why can’t you answer them?”
“It’s not that I don’t feel like I deserve love, or that I don’t believe in love. I don’t want to fall in love. I have no desire to be so wrapped up in someone that they have the power to destroy me at any moment. I would never give someone that kind of power.” Her voice rises, and I can tell she’s getting angry.
I put my hands up in defense. “Okay. I get it.”
I watch her throw her legs over the side of the bed as she moves to stand up. “We shouldn’t even be having this conversation. You told me you weren’t the kind of guy that fell in love. You fucked this up.”
“I know I did. It was never my intention to catch feelings for you, believe me. I know how you are. I know you’ll never return my feelings. I guess when they say you can’t help who you love, they weren’t lying.” I shrug.
“Well, try to lose the feelings. You’re going to make this weird.” I watch her walk into the bathroom and I hear the shower turn on. I guess the conversation is over.
She emerges from the bathroom, steam bellowing behind her about fifteen minutes later. “What would you do if I met someone else and fell in love?” I don’t know where the question comes from. It doesn’t matter if Belle will never return my feelings, I’m still not going to go out looking for someone else.
“I’ll fucking kill her.” She shrugs, walking towards the closet.
“How is that fair?” I follow her across the room.
“Who said anything about fair? You asked me what I would do, and I told you. I don’t give a shit if you think it’s fair or not.”
This woman is unbelievable. She doesn’t want me, but she isn’t going to let anyone else have me either.
“You’re fucking crazy.”
“You knew that when you got involved with me.” She gives me a look.
She’s not wrong. I did know she was a special kind of crazy. What does it say about me if I love her crazy?
“Why is it okay for you to fuck around with your boss, but I can’t fuck around with someone else?”
“If you wanna pick up some guy and have some fun, go right ahead, but you won’t be fucking any other females. Just like I won’t be fucking any other males.” Her logic is so messed up.
“Plus, I only mess around with my boss so I get the good time slots at the club. It doesn’t hurt that she might throw a couple of hundred extra bucks on my paycheck every once in a while too.” She shrugs, like it’s no big deal.
“I’d like to meet this boss of yours.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“No boyfriends at the club. You’ll just get pissed and jealous. You’ll ruin my tips for the night,” she points out. I can’t focus on anything other than the fact that she called me her boyfriend. Progress.
“Don’t say shit about me calling you my boyfriend either. Don’t get excited like that means shit. We live together and we sleep together. I’d be stupid If I didn’t realize that means you’re my boyfriend. Don’t get it twisted though. That’s all you’ll ever be.” I watch her towel drop to the floor as she decides on what to wear to work.
“I wasn’t going to say anything.”
“I saw how excited you were,” she says flatly.
