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“Knox…” she starts, her mind already coming up with a million reasons why this was a mistake.
“Don’t say anything. Let me talk,” I tell her.
Her eyes roam my face, most likely trying to figure out if she can trust me or not. I can’t blame her. I’ve been nothing but an asshole since she came crashing back into my life.
“Just let me get this out,” I beg.
She nods for me to go on but doesn’t say anything.
“I don’t know why I acted the way I did tonight. Or any of the other nights I’ve been around you. You make me crazy. It’s like the sane part of me snaps when you’re around. I can’t think clearly.”
“I get that,” she says, pulling away from me to walk completely down the stairs.
“Seeing you with that guy made me furious,” I admit.
“You don’t own me Knox,” she says, but something tells me even she doesn’t believe that’s true.
“But I do. I own you, just like you own me. The two of us will always have this draw to one another. This chemistry we can’t explain,” I say.
She frowns at my words, still in denial over the fact that no matter what she wants to believe the two of us are connected to one another.
“We’ve never even been anything, Knox.”
Her words sting, but she’s right. I wanted her all those years ago but never did anything about it. I can’t blame anyone but myself for that.
“You’ve always been something to me,” I whisper, half hoping she didn’t hear me.
“What?” She walks closer to me, putting her hand on my arm, bringing my attention to her.
“I said, you’ve always been something to me.”
“How long?” she asks, just above a whisper. “How long have you felt this way?”
“Since the day we met.”
I watch her hand fly to her mouth, tears filling her eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me this years ago?”
“Because I’m a fucking coward. Because I was on my way to finally tell you and found you in bed with my fucking brother! I don’t know…” I throw my hands up before grabbing a handful of my hair.
“Is this why you’ve been so angry with me all these years?”
“Yes.”
“Knox, I slept with Kai because I was drunk. It was a mistake. I’ve wanted you for so long and thought you hated me all this time. I overheard some girls talking about how you liked experienced girls, and I was so desperate to be that girl you wanted. I got completely wasted and told Kai that I needed to lose my virginity to get some experience. I wanted it to be with someone I trusted because I was so terrified. I didn’t feel anything for him. I never have. I never told him it was because of you. I never told anyone how I felt about you,” she says, her voice strained as she walks around me, pacing the room.
“I do hate you. Make no mistake about that. I can’t get images of you and Kai out of my head, no matter how hard I fucking try,” I say angrily, ignoring everything she just told me, because hearing her talk about that night feels like a punch to the gut.
She looks at me like I’ve slapped her. “Are you kidding me? I was a kid,” she says, wrapping her arms around herself.
“I’ve tried. I’ve tried everything and it’s all I can see, but the thought of someone else touching you makes me want to set the entire world on fire,” I yell, making her flinch.
“You can’t have me and hate me at the same time,” she yells back, her chest rising up and down.
“I realize that, Sophie. It’s part of what torments me so much.” I start to reach out to her but change my mind.
Have you ever hated someone with every fiber of your being but wanted them even more?
