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And I do. My dad makes me feel the same way.
“What are you doing tonight?” I ask her.
“I have to go in and work for a few hours. Becca needs to take her daughter to the doctor, and I told her I’d come in and cover for her,” she says.
“Let’s have dinner tonight,” I suggest.
“Really?” she asks, grabbing her shoes from the closet.
“Yeah, really. I meant what I said. I’m trying here,” I tell her.
She smiles at me before walking over and kissing me deeply.
It’s on the tip of my tongue––again––to tell her I love her. I need to put some space between us before I scare her away.
“I’ll call you when I’m on my way home,” I tell her, coughing and pulling away.
“Sounds good.” If she notices my change in behavior, she doesn’t say anything.
Thirty minutes later, I find myself sitting in my dad’s office. I’m already done with his shit today, and I know he can tell.
“Knox. Have you heard anything I’ve said?” he asks.
“Yes. You need me to look over the Oliver case and see if everything looks ready for court. I got it.”
“Try to seem a little more interested in the things happening here.”
“Why? You know I don’t care about anything involving the firm. I never have.”
“Well, one of you needs to be ready to take over when I’m gone. I’m expecting it to be you,” he says, handing me a stack of paperwork.
“Let’s be real. You’re never going to leave this place… unless you die.” I roll my eyes.
“This is why I brought Bradley in. He’s already taking things more seriously than you ever have.”
“He wants to be a lawyer, Dad, so that makes sense. I don’t.”
“It wouldn’t bother you if I eventually handed it all over to him?” he asks, studying my face.
“As long as you let me continue working with the University, I couldn’t care less what you do with this place,” I tell him, getting up from my seat.
“What is it about that place? The school is shit. We aren’t even a top tier university,” he says, turning his attention back to something on his computer.
“You haven’t stepped foot in the place in like five years. You wouldn’t know anything about what’s happening there,” I tell him, walking towards the door.
“One day you’ll regret all this. When you’re alone and you have nothing, you’ll remember how you turned down the opportunity of a lifetime,” he says, not even paying any attention to me.
“If this is the opportunity of a lifetime, I don't want it. I have no desire to end up like you.” I grab the handle on the door, but not before he gets in a final word.
“You’re already more like me than you realize. Work takes over your life, and you don’t have relationships. Your idiot brothers are out there falling in love and starting families. Where are you? You’re here with me. Just like I always knew you would be. You were made to fill this role, Knox. You’ll figure it out eventually… and hopefully it won’t be too late.”
I close the door without responding. The truth is, he isn’t wrong. I am exactly like him. I put work above everything else. I always have, and I’m afraid I always will. Just like today. There wasn’t any reason I couldn’t have just told him no and stayed in bed with Sophia, but here I am. Always at his beck and call. Training to end up just like him.
The King of Kings, alone in the castle he built.
I try calling Sophia on my way home, but I get her voicemail. I’m sure she’s still working, she said she’d be there for a few hours, and I only ended up staying at the office for two.
Nobody is home when I pull up at the house. It looks ominous when the lights are off and no one is home. What does that say about me that I enjoy being here when there isn’t anyone around?
