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“That’s amazing, Mitch. I’m so happy for you.”
“The first project is going to be for me. I’ve been looking for three-bedroom homes, because I want to make sure there’s a room for you to stay in when you visit, and a room for Clark, because I know he’s bound to end up there eventually.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, when this thing he’s got going on with Riley is finally finished, he’s going to need a place to stay.” He sighs, getting up from his seat to rinse out his cup.
“You’re a good friend,” I tell him, joining him at the sink.
“He’s not just a friend. He’s family.”
“What are your plans today?” I ask him, ignoring the guilt I feel for the interactions I’ve been having with Clark lately.
“I’ve got some paperwork to do and a couple of houses to look at. I also plan to hit the gym at some point this evening.”
“Can I join?” I ask him, leaning against the counter.
“Absolutely. What are you planning to do until then?”
“I’m going through Mal’s room,” I tell him, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“Do you want me to blow everything off and help?” he asks, concern evident on his face.
“No, I appreciate the offer, but I think it’s something I need to do myself.”
“Well, I’ll be in my room until at least noon if you need me,” he says, putting his hand on my shoulder.
“Thanks, Mitch. I love you,” I tell him, putting my hand on top of his.
“Love you too, Mar.” He kisses the top of my head before heading out of the room.
I allow myself a couple of minutes to take a deep breath, before I make my way upstairs. If I continue to put this off, I’ll never do it. I promised myself that this was something I would do while I was here, and I’m trying to do better.
I pull the ponytail off my wrist and twist my hair into a messy bun on top of my head, before heading up the stairs towards her bedroom. It’s now or never.
Taking a deep breath, I turn the knob and walk inside. I haven’t stepped foot in my sister’s old bedroom since before she died. It still smells like her.
My heart falls to my stomach, because everything looks exactly the same. It’s remained untouched after all these years. Almost as if it’s a time capsule of sorts.
I walk around the room, running my fingers over everything. I’m trembling, and tears are falling down my face, but I need to do this. I will never get over losing my sister. She was a piece of me, and that void can never be filled, but this might allow me some sort of closure that I’ve never let myself have.
“I miss you so much, Mal.” I cry, wiping the tears from my eyes with the back of my hand.
Walking over to her vanity, I sit down and pull open the top drawer. It’s full of her makeup. Mallory loved doing makeup. She studied YouTube videos like it was her religion, and she perfected every look.
She was beautiful from the inside out. Unlike me, she carried herself well and turned heads everywhere we went. Sure, we were twins, but there was just something about her presence that stopped people in their tracks.
I miss her so deeply that sometimes it physically hurts me to even think about her. I try not to imagine what it would be like standing next to her when she got married, holding her kids, growing old together. I’ve worked so hard to get to a place where I don’t think about the what-ifs anymore, but it’s hard when I fall asleep every night thinking about her and wake up in the morning wishing her being gone was all just a bad dream.
I close the top drawer and pull open the next. This one is full of all her body sprays and lotions. Mallory was the queen of Bath and Body Works. I swear she owned every scent. I open a bottle of Warm Vanilla Sugar and immediately think about her, tears falling from my eyes again.
Closing that drawer, I open the top drawer on the opposite side. There’s a lot of junk in this one. At the bottom, I find a fancy black notebook. It’s velvet. I run my hands over the material. What is this?
I flip it open and immediately see her handwriting. It looks like it’s some kind of diary. My heart rate picks up. I wonder what she could have possibly written in here…
Dear Diary,
Is that how I’m supposed to start this? It feels weird. I bought this journal at a second-hand store yesterday. I wasn’t sure what to do with it, but then I thought it might be a good place to write down my thoughts. I had my first date with Beau yesterday. He’s such a gentleman. He opened all the doors for me, pulled out my chair, and he even asked to kiss me before he did, when he dropped me off.
