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“I want your pleasure!” He snarls at me. When I flinch backward, he sighs, the sound one of pure irritation. “And now you’re crawling like you’re terrified.”
“You asked for submission. I’m giving you submission,” I whisper. “I can’t give you emotion unless it’s earned…unless you want me to fake it.”
Neska’s lip curls. “The thought of you faking it is more offensive than the thought of mounting you right now. Why is this so unpleasant for me and so pleasant for Zaroun? What is the difference between us?”
He sounds genuinely bewildered, some of the anger leaving his tone. I pause, and then get to my feet, feeling as if I’m about to poke the beast. “The difference is emotion.”
“You have said that before. I want your emotion if it makes such a difference.” Neska’s cold eyes burn into mine. “Give me your pleasure.”
For a moment, I consider faking it and seeing if he notices the difference. His displeasure is a little terrifying to see, and the submissive slave I once was is far too used to doing anything to appease an angry master. “You can’t turn it off and on like a faucet. Emotion has to be won. It has to be pulled forth.”
“How do I pull it forth, then?” Neska’s tone is no longer that of a spoiled child, but full of genuine curiosity.
“Well.” I shake my skirts out, ignoring the rumble in my stomach. “You could spend time with me. Get to know me. Perhaps you could court me.”
The moment the words leave my throat, they feel like too much.Courtme? When I’m here to serve him? It’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever said.
But he seems intrigued. “Court you? How does one court a mortal?”
“By doing things that will please me. Things that will make me feel affection for you. It’s the affection that brings the emotion.”
His eyes narrow with cunning. “What sorts of things?”
I eye him, and the scent of dust continues to tickle my nose. “For starters, I think you should take a bath.”
He regards me. “A bath.”
“Yes.”
“I am a god-aspect. I do not sweat. I do not have the bodily functions that a mortal does.”
You still come like one, I want to point out, but even that isn’t quite the same. How many times have I cleaned spiderweb out from my cunt instead of seed drippings? “Nevertheless, I would like it.”
“Why?”
“Because it would make me happy.”
This time, his lip curls. “Why does my bathing have anything to do with your contentment?”
I shrug. “Why is it so important that I show real pleasure in your touch? I can fake it, like I said.” I bite my lip and let my eyes go half-closed, my breathing hitching. I let it stutter as if I’ve just been caressed by a lover, and make a soft sound in my throat. It’s the same thing I used to do with Liar Aron, who probably knew that I was faking it and liked it anyhow.
But the look on Neska’s face is one of utter disgust. “That’s worse than no emotion at all.”
“Tell me what you want, then. I’m trying to please you.” The worry starts to return. If he’s not happy with me, what then? If only one of the aspects likes me, do I get sent away? Replaced? I’ve nowhere to go.
He pinches the spot between his brows and for a moment, seems completely and wholly human in his annoyance. “I know you are trying to please me. That is what makes this so very frustrating. I do not understand any of this. I do not understand why dunking myself in water will make you full of soft noises and real smiles. I do not understand why mad Zaroun pleases you more than myself. I do not understand this ‘courting’ or why it is required.”
“Well…” I consider for a moment. “You are master of the threads. You said they show you everything, right? Can you not watch other human lives and see what they do when they court?”
It seems logical to me, but he turns the suggestion away with a shake of his head and begins to pace. “Watching without understanding has been the problem all along. I can watch a carpenter make a house and not know how to build one myself. I can watch a weaver make a tapestry and not have the skills myself. Just because I see something play out in front of me does not mean anything other than the fact that I have simply seen it.Thatis the problem. I see all and understandnothing.”
“And you don’t know how to be human,” I point out softly. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? To help them figure out how to touch their humanity. It’s more out of reach than I realized.
The arrogant look returns to Neska’s face and he straightens his shoulders, gazing down at me with an imperious look. “I have never wanted to be human.”
“What about your brothers?” At his puzzled look, I add, “The other aspects? Zaroun? Ossev?”
“Dawn. Hmm. Fitting.” He pauses for a moment at the names I’ve given them, then shakes his head. “They are not my brothers. They are me, split into three pieces, just as Aron was not quite whole when he was split into his different aspects. We are connected more than Aron was with his aspects—I can feel what Zaroun feels. I can feel Ossev’s thoughts and they can feel mine. We are connected…and so I know what I am missing when you spread your legs for me and your mind is distant.” The look he gives me is accusing, as if this is somehow my fault.
