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“Is that a question? Are you asking me?” I chew on my lip, anxious.
“Will it be well?” Zaroun touches my cheek. “Yulenna is happy. All well.”
He doesn’t know the answer, then. He doesn’t know what this is about, and that worries me. Zaroun’s words get confusing when he tries to explain things he can’t see clearly. Whatever this is, though, it’s about me. Have I done something to offend Neska, I wonder. I think of last night, when I sat at his feet and he fed me tidbits, and then he lapped at my pussy until I came three times. Then he had Ossev fuck me while I had my head in Neska’s lap and sucked his cock. I had a lovely time and we’d curled up in bed together afterward, so I thought he’d enjoyed that, too. I don’t think he left upset, but perhaps something else is wrong?
“I’ll return shortly, I promise,” I tell Zaroun.
“All well,” he says softly, a sad look on his face.
Tears prick at my eyes and I blink them away, frustrated and worried. It makes no sense to weep when I don’t even know what’s wrong. But I don’t like the sadness and concern in Ossev and now Zaroun. I all but race up the ramp towards Neska’s chambers, my heart pounding in my breast.
He’s there, standing apart from his strands and staring at them thoughtfully. When I enter the room, he turns toward me, and his expression is typical Neska—completely unreadable.
“What’s going on?” I ask, storming in, my rustling skirts catching around my legs as I rush forward. “Ossev told me to come here and Zaroun is being distant. Why is everyone acting so strange? You’re worrying me.”
Neska gazes down at me for a long moment. Normally when he stares down at me like that, he reaches out and touches my face or strokes my mouth. He loves to stroke my mouth. Today, though, he doesn’t reach for me, and that worries me as much as anything.
“I—wehave been conferring with the High Father.”
My eyes go wide. The High Father?
Neska’s silver eyes are slitted, emotionless. “He feels we are sufficiently connected with humanity again and have learned a great deal. Your presence is no longer required. You can leave at any time.”
I stare up at him in surprise. I thought anchors to gods served for life? I thought they enjoyed me being their anchor? I thought… “Oh.”
His face is unreadable. “Tell me where you wish to be dropped—andwhen—and it shall be done.”
“Oh…” I fight back another sudden rush of tears. I’ve had this before—getting settled and comfortable only for my life to be turned upside down once more. For the man (or men) that I serve to grow tired of me. So why does it hurt so much this time? Why does it feel as if my heart has turned to ice?
I’ve grown fond of the three Spidae. I adore them and love how they treat me. I love my home here in the tower. I love my garden. I love Apple, my strange, playful spider. I love the mirror I have that allows me to spy on everyone, and I love having an endless supply of cloth for pretty dresses. I love being safely tucked away from the cruel world with them and not having to worry about where my next food—or my next client—might be.
Most of all, I love the Spidae. I love Ossev for his curiosity and eagerness. I love Zaroun for his sweetness and spending quiet time with him. I love Neska in his controlling, intense ways and how he demands and acts as if he wants to conquer me…and if I have so much as a splinter, he’s the first to fuss and get upset over my pain. They make me feel special and cherished, and I love each one of them individually and also as a whole.
I can’t see my life without them in it. I can’t see myself going back to Rastana, or Aventine, or even the eastern kingdoms. I want to stay right here.
But I might not have that option. “I…see.”
“You are very quiet.”
“I don’t know what to think,” I answer honestly. Dropping my gaze, I notice his hand twitches at his side, then flexes. It’s like he wants to touch me but doesn’t trust himself.
That small move makes me pause. I think about Ossev, and Zaroun’s disjointed words about me being happy. Are they doing this for me? Giving me the choice so I can be free?
I glance up at Neska. “Do you want me to stay?”
He swallows, the movement strangely human. His gaze flicks over me. “I…will not influence you.”
But there’s a hitch in his voice that betrays him. I know him well enough to recognize that. When Neska is in his element, he is all sharp words and cutting statements. For him to hesitate tells me everything.
So I take his hand and bring it to my cheek, and I feel his fingers twitch against my skin. “Do you want me to stay, my lord? Yes or no?”
“I want what will bring you happiness.” His fingers tremble and then smooth over my cheek. “The choice should be entirely yours.”
“But you’re upset. All three of you are. I can tell.” I turn my face, pressing into his palm and kissing him there. “It’s a very human thing, to be upset at a time like this. The High Father was right. You have learned a lot.”
“If you want your freedom, we would not keep you. Your misery would not bring us happiness.” His hard mouth draws up at the corners in a tiny smile. “I hate that I realize that now.”
“Because you care for me? It’s not a bad thing to care. It makes you better at your work. It makes you sympathize with mortals. I’m glad of it, even if it troubles you.” I smile up at him, touched. “And I like that you worry over how I feel.”
