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It'salmosttimeforour wedding rehearsal...
...and I'm on my way to therapy.
We drive out to the same town with the art supplies, Hope in the care of Claire and Grayson, my gaze on the snowy mountains as Jesse navigates the winding road. As we pull up to the therapist's office, I turn to him with a nervous shrug.
"Do you think this is going to help?" I ask.
Jesse takes my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. "I do. I know it's scary, but I promise you'll feel better after."
From here, the plain wooden door looks like an impassable barrier. I stare at it from the car, picking at my nails idly.
"Do you want me to go in with you?" Jesse asks.
I shake my head. "No," I tell him, "I need to do this on my own."
As I step out of the car, I inhale a deep breath of the crisp, mountain air. It's refreshing, cleansing, and it fills my lungs with newfound hope. With shaky legs, I make my way towards the therapist's office. Each step feels like an accomplishment, a small victory over my fear.
I knock on the door, and a woman with warm eyes and a gentle smile greets me. "Hi, I'm Dr. Miller--but you can call me Sam. You must be Piper, please come in."
I follow her into a cozy office, where a few plants and calming artwork adorn the walls. Dr. Miller gestures for me to sit on the soft couch, and I settle in, my knees trembling slightly.
"So, Piper," Dr. Miller begins, "how are you feeling today?"
I take a deep breath. "Honestly? I'm terrified."
Dr. Miller nods understandingly. "That's completely normal. It takes a lot of courage to seek help, especially when it comes on such a big day. I'm sorry we couldn't meet sooner."
"That's alright," I murmur. "I've only been in Fern Hollow for a few months. Everything is happening so fast."
"You mentioned that in your intake form," she says, picking a clipboard up from the table beside her. "Let me see...you experienced an accidental pregnancy, you came to Fern Hollow, your mother-in-law recently recovered from cancer, and now you're getting married...?"
I bark out a laugh. "It sounds like a made-up story, doesn't it?"
"A little," she laughs. "But family is complicated, Piper. In fact...I'd like to know a little bit more about your family, if you don't mind sharing. It sounded like you're worried about your marriage--do you have any experience with divorce?"
I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of my family history settle onto my shoulders.
"It's...complicated," I begin hesitantly. "My parents never divorced, but they were bad together. Alcoholics. They used to beat the hell out of me."
Dr. Miller's eyes widen in shock and she reaches out to hold my hand. "Oh, Piper. I'm so sorry."
I shrug, trying to keep my emotions in check. "It's in the past. I thought I was over it, but all of this baby and wedding stress is bringing it back up."
"It's okay to not be okay," Dr. Miller says gently. "But it's important to remember that your past does not define your future. You have the power to break the cycles of abuse and dysfunction in your family."
"I know," I say, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. "But sometimes it feels like I'm just repeating the same mistakes."
"Tell me more about that." Dr. Miller leans forward, her gaze steady on me.
I take a deep breath and let the words tumble out of me. About how Jesse and I rushed into everything--the baby, our engagement--about how I was scared of repeating the same patterns of addiction and abuse my family had. It all becomes crystal clear as we talk, that I've been terrified of fucking up Hope's life becauseminewas so bad.
Dr. Miller listens with empathy, nodding along as I speak. When I finish, she gives me a small smile.
"Piper, it sounds like you're aware of the patterns you don't want to repeat," she says. "That's the first step towards breaking them. It's important to acknowledge those fears, but also to remember that you're not alone. You have Jesse, and you have a support system."
I nod slowly, feeling a small sense of relief. "But what if I can't do it? What if I end up like my parents?"
"Then we'll work on it," she says firmly. "That's what therapy is for. And just remember, you're not your parents. You're your own person with your own choices to make."
