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Now that he mentions it, I don't think I have. I shake my head and his eyes widen.
"Damn, Sarah...let's get you a full plate, then I promise we'll talk--just like you want."
He guides me through the buffet line, and he keeps his arm around me as he carries a plate full of food outside. The fresh air helps me clear my head, and I'm feeling a little better by the time we sit down on a bench by the lake. Jake passes me the plate and I start wolfing down the finger food before I realize I haven't shared a bite.
"Sorry," I say with a full mouth. "Did you want some...?"
He laughs and shakes his head. "Nah--I ate before the ceremony because I've beentaking care of myself. Clearly, you needed someone watching your back."
I blush. "I get distracted when I'm working. I'll try to do better next time."
"I wasn't judging you,cher," he says. "I just..."
I watch him closely. "You what?"
He swallows hard, and his voice is rough when he speaks again. "I care about you."
I swallow down the lump in my throat, wishing I didn't have a mouthful of strawberry right now. I can't say anything until I've gulped it down, but it doesn't do anything for the lump in my throat.
"But you said this was casual," I murmur.
He shakes his head and barks out a laugh.
"Yeah...I lied."
I stand up and put the plate down, taking a few steps away as I curl my fists at my sides and stare out at the lake. It feels like we're on the precipice of something, like I'm about to jump into cold, uncharted waters.
"You lied," I echo.
"Yes, Sarah," he says. I hear him stand up and walk closer, but I can't bear to look at him. "Fuck...of course I lied."
"Why?" I ask, tears threatening to spill.
"Because you don't want what I want."
"And what is it that you want?"
Jake is right behind me now, heat rolling off his body. I turn around to face him and he catches me in his arms, holding me gently even though his gaze is nearly overwhelming in its intensity.
"I want to make you come every night for the rest of our lives," he says. "I want to put a damn ring on your finger and make you mine. This ain't no game,cher...I want to put a baby in you, and then I want to do it all over again."
I can't deny that the prospect thrills me. I've been perfectly happy alone, content to spend my whole life a bachelorette...but Jake has changed all that for me.
I've never wanted someone like him.
I've never needed another person the way I need him.
"Please, say something," he says, a hint of desperation in his voice. "Sarah...I've gotta know if I have any chance at all with you."
"And if you do?" I ask, quiet. "You still have to leave. We don't have a future."
"I would stay," he says. "For you."
It's a big ask, a bigger offer.
"We would have to change everything about the way we've imagined our futures," I say.
"I don't care."
