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“You okay?” Dylan says. “You’re not your usual self.”
“I’m okay, just tired.” What else can I say? I’m worried that things are not okay between Olivia and me because she’s taken a night off. I’m an idiot when it comes to women but everyone doesn’t have to know. I’m relieved when they opt out of another beer and after Alec gets the bill, we leave.
I resist the urge to text Olivia again and after a shower, I go straight to bed. Sleep evades me and I sit staring at the darkness, wondering what could have changed after we had such an awesome weekend. Or maybe that’s how younger people conduct relationships.
Is that it? An age problem? I feel so fucking old. At twenty-four, Olivia is practically a kid. Maybe all this is too much for her. I try to remember how I was at twenty-four and what I wanted from a partner. I can’t fucking remember. It was that long ago. I should have known that dating a woman ten years younger than me was not a good idea.
Too late. She already has me, hook, line, and sinker.
I finally fall into a restless sleep but I’m relieved when I wake up and it’s morning. I can’t wait to see Olivia. See for myself whether everything is okay. I hate being insecure. Nothing can convince me that we’re good. If we were, Olivia and I would have texted each other or spoken, several times.
I skip breakfast and head out. I stop at the cafeteria for a coffee which I carry to my office. It’s early when I walk into my office. Olivia is not in yet, but I wasn’t expecting her to be.
I pretend to work but all I’m doing is listening for her steps. She finally comes in at half past seven and I focus on work to see if she’ll come in and say good morning. She doesn’t. That confirms my suspicions that something is definitely wrong. Since we started dating, whoever comes into the office second must say hello to the other.
A deep ache for her comes over me. I’m tempted to storm to her desk and demand that she tell me what’s wrong. I make myself wait. At eight, a soft knock comes on my desk and I invite her in. One look at her face and I know that I wasn’t being paranoid.
Her eyelids are swollen like she hasn’t slept well. “Good morning,” she says and sets the mug of coffee on my desk.
“Morning. Are you okay?” I ask her and jump to my feet. I walk around the desk. Olivia takes a step back as if she’s afraid of me. “Hey, what’s going on? Did someone hurt you?” I can’t think of anything else that would make her behave as if she’s scared. I’d never hurt a fly and she knows that.
“No,” Olivia says, twirling her fingers together.
I take a step closer and she takes one back. Puzzled, I search her face. She won’t even let me look into her eyes as she keeps her gaze downcast. “Sweetheart, talk to me?” I beseech her.
“I’m sorry, Jace. I can’t do this,” she says.
Pain spreads over my chest. “What are you talking about?”
“Us,” she says almost shouting. “I can’t do it anymore. It’s not right. You’re my boss, Jace.”
“Not for long. I don’t get what the issue is.” We both knew that I was her boss when we first got together. “No one is complaining and we’re not hurting anybody. Tell me what the issue really is. It can’t be that.”
She drops her gaze and then looks up at me. Her eyes have so much sadness. I don’t get it. I try to put myself in her shoes and the only reason I can come up with is fear. She’s scared of what is happening between us.
“Are we moving too fast?” I ask her.
“Maybe. I don’t know. Look, let’s just stop, okay?” She lets out a cry, turns, and leaves my office.
The door shuts and I stare at it for the next few minutes. What the fuck just happened? I’m tempted to go after her. Tell her that everything will be all right and that I’d never hurt her. That’s exactly the wrong thing to do. If I’m to have a chance with her again, I need to give her space.
Chapter 18: Olivia
“A lot of work sure gets done on the third floor,” Rosie says as she hands me my coffee. “Jace is always the first one in and here you are a close second.”
I blush and smile weakly in response and wrap my hands around my coffee. It’s takeout and for a second or two I contemplate drinking it at the café to delay going to the office.
After the outburst I had yesterday, Jace must think I’ve lost it. It was dramatic and not me at all but I can’t tell him that without telling him the whole truth. I’m not ready to do that and not just because I haven’t completed my assignment. I’m not ready to lose Jace yet. After yesterday, our affair is over but I still get to see him at the office. My hurting heart will get small doses of him until I get over him. It’ll be like slowly peeling off a Band-Aid. Minimal pain.
“Thank you,” I tell Rosie as I turn away. Yeah, we do get a lot of work done…and a whole lot of loving.
God, I’m going to miss that. A sob forms in my throat and I quickly swallow it down. I drag my feet but I finally get to the elevators. Today it moves faster than usual and in mere moments, it deposits me on our floor. I square my shoulders and walk purposefully toward the office.
I go through the motions, my heart in suspense as I glance at the door, expecting Jace to burst out at any moment. He doesn’t. I sit behind my desk and turn on my computer. I did the right thing in ending things with Jace. Of course, it’s going to be painful. He meant a lot to me and in the short time I’ve known him, I’ve become fond of him.
Fond? I almost laugh myself. Instead, I reach for my coffee and take a gulp. It burns as it goes down my throat. I shouldn’t have been having an affair with my boss. Ending things with Jace was the right thing to do. How many times will I need to say this to myself until I believe it?
Time moves too fast. At ten minutes to eight, I stand up like a robot and head to the kitchenette to make my boss his cup of coffee. Maybe if I think of him as my boss and not Jace, my lover, I’ll get through this with my dignity intact. The machine beeps softly when the coffee is ready. My fingers tremble as I carry Jace’s coffee to his office.
