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Me: What’s happening tomorrow?
Jace: I get to see you.
Warmth spreads across my chest.
Me: I feel the same way.
Jace: About to leave for the airport. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.
Me: I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Be safe.
My fingers hover over the phone keyboard. I’ve tried not to say those words back to Jace to save us both when this comes crushing down. But what difference does it make? Even if I don’t say it, I feel it. I love him with every part of me. Not saying it doesn’t make it untrue.
I add to the text.
Me:I love you too.
I hit send and a second later another message comes in.
Jace: Say that again.
Laughter bursts out of me. I text him back that I love him.
Jace: I wish I was there right now to hear it in person.
Me: I love you. I’ll say it to you tomorrow when you come home.
Jace: First thing I want to hear.
Me: It’s a promise.
I’m still smiling when I’m taking a shower. For this last week, I’ll pretend that we’re a normal couple planning and looking forward to a future together. The pain will come anyway; I might as well keep it at bay for as long as I can.
After my shower, I dress in comfortable pants and a top. For the first time in a long time, I wear normal, everyday panties. Jace probably doesn’t believe that I possess a normal pair, I muse with a laugh. I have two hours to spare and I spend them going over my notes with questions that I want to ask Susan and Mike. I test my recorder. Double-check that I have everything else that I need, even though I’m sure Amelia will have it all in the conference room.
At a quarter past nine, I leave my apartment, trying to be cool about the forthcoming interview. One day at a time, I tell myself as I start the car. I’m just doing my job. This is what my job entails. Interviewing people for the magazine. I’m glad that I haven’t had anything to eat. The way my stomach is churning, I’m sure if I’d taken anything, I’d vomit it all out.
I get to the magazine and follow my spy routine of checking that there’s no one paying attention to me before I sneak into the building. I can’t believe that I’m really going to do this.
I step into the open-plan office space and someone claps then another joins in. I grin with embarrassment and pride.
“Way to go, Olivia,” Jane shouts. “You’ll do a good job.”
As I cut across the room, I bump fists with a few of my colleagues. It dawns on me then what an honor Amelia has given me. This could be the biggest story we’ve cracked in the last few years and she’s trusting me with the interview and the write-up. I’ve been so obsessed with its effect on my personal life that I haven’t stopped to consider its effect on my professional life.
My stomach is more settled and I grab a cup of coffee from the staffroom kitchen before heading to the conference room. As I thought, there is everything I need, including a recorder, notebooks, and pens. More than I can possibly use.
I sit down and pull my notes from my bag. I go over them again. Jace’s face pops into my mind and I imagine his reaction to the article. I remind myself that even if I don’t write it, someone else will. And at least I can trust myself to write it in a way that is fair to both sides.
A slight knock comes on the door and a moment later, Amelia enters. She’s all smiles as she rubs her hands together. “Are you ready for the interview of the year?” she asks and sits down at the other side of the table.
“A hundred percent,” I tell her, smiling to reassure her. It’s not the work making me nervous. I love interviewing people and listening to their stories and journeys. The aftermath is what is making me sick. How betrayed Jace will feel.
“Good. I have full confidence that you’ll do a good job. We’ll have it in this month’s edition,” she grins. “I know, it’s soon but we have to get it out now else next month will be too late. We’ve centered this month’s theme around health, specifically women’s health.”
I nod. “Sounds good.” Journalistically speaking. Personally speaking, this makes me want to run to the bathroom to throw up.
Amelia’s phone rings and she answers it. “Great. I’ll be there in a few seconds.” She disconnects the phone and grins at me. “They’re here. I’ll go get them.”
