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“Good, now that we’ve got the pleasantries out of the way, I think it’s time to get down to business.” Maya takes a seat across from me, and the woman starts speaking.
* * *
Jake
“What the hell, man? You couldn’t give me a heads-up that she was coming to town?” Brian stares at me and takes a drink of the coffee in his hand, but he doesn’t say anything. “Don’t ignore me. I could have gone up to camp for a week or something. I don’t need to be here for this.” I wipe my brow and drain the last of the coffee from the mug I brought with me.
“You brought this on yourself. Maya’s been trying to get you to listen to her since the day Margot left. Instead, you start dating some girl we all know you’re never going to fall in love with. She’s taken matters into her own hands.” My best friend stares at me and continues without missing a beat. “I have to say that I agree with her. What were you thinking, getting involved with Laura in the first place? You’re not going to be happy with her. And then you had to go and tell my fiancée, the woman obsessed with fate and happily ever after, that you were thinking of proposing after two months… Seriously?”
I blink, unwilling to accept what the other man has just said. I just sit there on the porch, staring into the woods behind Brian’s house while I spin the empty cup in my hands. We stay that way for a while, both of us having nothing to say.
It isn’t like I have purposely tried to go after the other woman. She just smiled and made me feel like it was time. Brian can’t be right though. When I was younger, my dad had taken me aside and said that I needed to find a woman who made me feel like my blood was on fire when I was near her. A woman who would make me question every decision that I ever made and every decision that I would ever make in the future.
Besides, I did that with Margot the first time around and got burned by it. So I learned my lesson the hard way. Now I’m sort of dating Laura. She’s safe, but even now, I’ve begun to think that maybe my dad knew all along that Margot would be that person for me. Ever since that day in the woods when my little Lilly, the mud girl, clung to me for safety, we had a bond that nobody ever really understood.
I clear my throat a little and prepare myself to talk about the one thing that men shouldn’t ever talk about. “Look, I loved her. I loved her something wicked. From the time she was a tiny little thing, when I swore to protect her after her dad died. But then, when I was graduating the academy and her mom dragged her along to celebrate with us, I knew that she was the woman I’d always love. When she was sixteen she set my blood on fire, and I’d go to jail for touching her. When she was eighteen, she was perfect, but I had to wait three years before she even noticed me. And then I had her, and I swore that I wouldn’t let her go. She’s the one who left me.”
“So why not fight for her now? When you have the chance, you should go for what you want. I know that you never stopped loving her. You told me once to pull my head out of my ass. Maybe it’s time for you to do the same.”
“Because she set me on fire. I got too close to the sun, man. Took too much that wasn’t mine to take. I was Icarus, and my wings melted. When she left she destroyed me, and I had to pretend that it didn’t. She needed a chance to grow up, and I couldn’t take away her chance to live. What kind of man would I be if I did that to her? That’s not on her; that’s on me.”
“All I’m saying is that people change and you won’t know unless you try. I don’t want to see you settle for something that isn’t what you want. That’s all.” The other man gets up and reaches out for the empty coffee cup in my hand. “Want more?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” As I watch Brian go into the house, a familiar pang of jealousy strikes me in the chest.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about what my life would be like if it weren’t for the car accident and the miscarriage. She would have stayed, and we would have a baby. I have always thought of it as a boy in my dreams. Still, that was then, and now I have to think about something more than just the passion that I once knew.
“Look, you know what my dad used to tell me.” I take the coffee that Brian returns with and take a long drink of the bitter bean juice. “The bit about making you feel like you’re on fire.”
“Hell yeah, I do. Maya’s never stopped, not in all the time I’ve known her. It started out as a slow burn, but when she was attacked, it was like a wildfire burned its way through my body. And the only way to make the flames go down is to have her near me.”
“That was how she made me feel. Only she walked away, and there was nothing left. I don’t know if there is any going back because there’s nothing left of me but ash.” I stare into the dark liquid in my cup and hope that I’m telling the truth. But as I sit in silence with the man I trust more than anyone else in the world, I feel a spark in my gut and try to stamp it out.
“If what you two had was anything like what I feel for Maya, there’s not a chance in hell that you really believe that. I don’t care how long I had to wait for her, I would have done anything to get a chance. I almost lost her by doing something stupid once. I know you have your own version of hell where that girl is concerned, but I don’t think you should dismiss your past so quickly.”
3
JAKE
“So,what are you going to do about the new Emergency Management Agency Director?” I ask Brian when we move inside after finishing our coffee on his front porch.
Yes, I am trying to change the topic of conversation away from Margot, but it’s not like he can blame me.
“Honestly, I think it’s going to be your problem. I have a lot on my plate right now with the new towers going up.” Brian was the one to get extra grant funding for new radio towers, and they’re supposed start construction on them in a few weeks. The new towers will make communicating with each other, dispatch, and other departments easier and more convenient. We need the towers.
“Fine. Then what am I supposed to do about the new head of EMA?” There’s supposed to be a sort of liaison between the sheriff’s department and the EMA department for the county. When our sheriff retired six months ago, the empty position also opened up a lot of responsibilities that fell on the two remaining lieutenants, me and Brian.
“I think there’s nothing much you can do. The county commissioners will appoint someone, and then you’ll have to work together to establish a new protocol for emergencies in the county. The set we have is from the early nineties and is beyond outdated.”
“Do you have any idea who it’s going to be? I mean, Maya’s got to be talking about it at least a little bit, right?”
“No, she’s been tight-lipped about it since the commissioners want it kept quiet.” Maya was promoted to the director of the Regional Communications Center for the county last year when the position was vacated. Since the RCC works with EMA frequently, they asked her to help them with the selection process.
“I don’t know what the big deal is. I mean, we all have to work together, don’t we?”
“It’s the commissioners; what do you think they want it kept quiet for? They probably have someone they want to fill the position and don’t want any interference.” He looks at me with something akin to pity, and I feel everything drop out of my stomach.
“No. No, Brian. You can’t mean…”
