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I am hungry, that is something that seems a constant in me these days, but it isn’t what I mean at all. There’s that, and then there’s the hunger from not having had time to eat and I’ve eaten a whole load of fruit and a sandwich and a bag of chips since I got home. Instead of trying to ask him questions about what had happened, I veer straight into the safety of a lie. A lie that isn’t going to bring another fight to the forefront of our relationship.
Of not asking him what is going on.
That shocks me and makes my palms suddenly sweat. What does that mean, ask him what is going on? I don’t think that, do I?
But now that the thought has popped into my head, I can’t stop thinking it. All of a sudden, my brain streams like rain with that thought and I am sure I’ve gone and lost my mind. Because what has he done to make me suddenly think that?
“I’ll make you a sandwich,” I say, pulling free from his embrace.
But he catches hold of me gently and guides me back to him. Not into his arms, but to where I have no option but to look at him. And he frowns.
“You look upset.”
“I’m not,” I say.
He doesn’t release me. “If you don’t talk to me and do it honestly, then this isn’t going to work.”
“Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black, Travis?” I say before I can stop myself. “You don’t tell me anything.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I mean,” I say, shaking him off me and taking a hurried step back, “it’s obvious there’s something going on with you. But you won’t share. And now there’s another convenient accident that covers you being late? Seriously late?”
A muscle in his jaw strains. “You think I’m lying?”
“I don’t know what to think.” I shake my head and spread my hands in the air. “You want me—”
“I married you, of course I do.”
“—but I don’t know what else is going on in there with you. It’s like half the time you try and placate me like I can’t handle anything.”
“You’re pregnant.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m about to shatter, Travis,” I say. “You don’t talk to me. Not talk talk. Oh, whatever.” My stomach turns. “Just let it go.”
“Brandi…”
What I need is to get back on track, veer away from the dangerous waters I’ve somehow taken both of us to. Maybe something else, something every day… “Your mom called—”
“What did she want?”
His eyes narrow and everything in him vibrates like he’s touching a live wire.
All I was about to say was his mother had called to check in on me and ask about a possible dinner together, but the sharp slap of his words puts a stop to all normal thought and all I can think about is something, somewhere is wrong.
And an image of that day when I thought I saw him with his ex jumps into my mind. I try to push it away, but it’s not going anywhere.
“Dinner, Travis.” I force the words out. “That’s all. Why? What are you afraid of?” He doesn’t answer me and I keep going, unable to stop, even if I’d wanted to. “You know, I think you’re hiding something from me. You’re being touchy and defensive and snapping about things that you never would have before. I thought I was crazy, hormones from being pregnant, but now I just think you’re lying.”
“What the fuck? Hiding something? Lying about what?”
He hasn’t denied lying, I realize. He’s answering my question with a question.
I cross my arms, more pissed than anything else at this point. “You tell me.”
He pushes a hand through his hair and he breathes out but doesn’t look at me.
I’m so angry that things start to wobble around me, and I’m trying not to burst into tears.
