AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Then explain it to me, Travis.” She looks at me, those green eyes big and full of hurt. And anger. Shit, there’s anger, too. Of course there is. If our roles were reversed, I’d want to rip heads from shoulders. Hell, I want to kick my own ass just for hurting her.
But it isn’t that simple, because the situation isn’t simple. I suck in a breath and try to find the right words to help her understand where I stand. If my brother wasn’t part of this, if it was just Jessica turning up, then I wouldn’t feel the same as I do now, would I?
It would be easier to tell Brandi that. But I don’t know for sure. And I don’t want to give her another half-truth. That isn’t a situation I can ever be in.
Nothing about this is easy. Nothing about it is simple and if I say that it is, it will sound like I want Jessica.
But my heart doesn’t skip a beat at the thought of her name, like it had so long ago. Sure, there’s a lurch in my nerves, but that’s just the fact that I don’t want to have anything to do with the woman who tried and failed to break me. Now, she’s the woman who has the power to keep me from ever connecting with my brother again.
And Brandi? She’s not only my wife now, but she’s pregnant. Telling her about the late-night calls from Jessica while she tries to convince me to go to her house is stupid.
Worse. it’s cruel.
“The other night I went for a drive. You were sleeping, I didn’t want to wake you.” There. A half-truth.
Again, she nods, her mouth a straight, thin line.
I push a hand through my hair and stare down for a moment at where my other one sits, clenched into a fist on my thigh. “I went for a drive,” I say. “To think.”
“Because… because…” She doesn’t finish it.
“Tyler’s my brother,” I say gently. “And I don’t know how I’m going to fix anything between us. How I’m going to forgive him. That’s all.”
“You’re going to have to see them.”
We both know she means Jessica.
“I don’t have to,” I reassure her. “I don’t need to do anything I don’t want to do.”
She pushes up to her feet but doesn’t quite look at me. “You told me you were over her. That you didn’t care about her. That you missed your brother. If that’s true, then it shouldn’t be a problem.”
I swallow. She has a point and I know it. But then again, so do I. The problems between me and Jessica and Tyler aren’t cut and dry. None of what’s going on is. How do I say any of the things in my head to Brandi? Like how I’m the reason we rushed down the aisle. Like how everything with us happened so fast that it’s a wonder I don’t have whiplash. And how I want to be with her and want space to think and I don’t know at times what is real and what comes from fear.
Because Iamafraid. Sometimes.
Afraid I made a mistake.
Afraid I’ll make a mistake.
Afraid I’ve done the wrong thing by marrying her.
Afraid I’ve done the right thing.
Afraid I am not—
It doesn’t matter. I’m here now. She’s here.
None of this is going to change.
It doesn’t matter if we rushed, or if any of it was a mistake. She’s mine, and the baby she’s carrying is going to be the most-loved child in the entire fuckin’ world if I have anything to say about it.
“It’s not a problem,” I say, flattening out my hand on my thigh, trying to hide the sweat that’s coating my skin. “I don’t know if I even want to be in the same place as her. She betrayed me and convinced my brother to betray me too. He used to be my family, but that’s not the case anymore. The rift between us hurt my parents, but I don’t know if there’s any fixing it. And I don’t want you upset, either. You’re the mother of my child, and your anxiety and fear and stress are more important than they are. On top of all of that, I don’t even know what I want. It’s one thing to say something and another to have it thrown at me before I’m ready, you know?”
She sighs. The sound soft and lonely, and everything I was trying to avoid. “I don’t have an ex-husband, Travis.”
No, she doesn’t. “This is about my brother. Not her. I called my mom before I came home. I got his number. But I haven’t called. Brandi, it’s been so long and…”
She stands there, waiting. I can feel it vibrating in the air but I can’t find the words to finish the sentence.
