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I rub a hand over my face.
Yeah, I’m seeing from the other side of a thick glass door with no way through. I sigh. “I didn’t cheat; I didn’t defend Jessica. I’m not holding a torch for my ex. Those two women have passing physical attributes but they’re worlds apart. But I know, I fucked up.”
“You did that.” Her eyes soften slightly. “Brandi is… Tough and soft and lost. Her mom…” She shakes her head.
Her mom what? A million scenarios race through my head. Drugs, probably. Too young to have a kid. And then Brandi ended up on the streets, I know that part. The rest… the exact scenario doesn’t matter, the loneliness does.
“It’s Brandi’s story to tell and she hasn’t told you. I see that on your face.”
I breathe out heavily. “She doesn’t want me, Maya.”
“Idiot. Moron. For someone as smart as you, you’re dumb. Doesn’t want you? She’s wanted you since she met you and you… you were an ass.”
“No, she—” I stop. I know I was an ass. I could have won all the prizes in assholery, but I managed to keep Brandi away as long as I did, and… “Fuck.”
“Fix this.”
“I can’t. I—”
“Did what you did in order to protect yourself. You needed to be who you were. But that’s not who you are now.” She pokes a finger at me. “I saw you. The big man trying to push her away before anything could happen. Before you could get hurt. And then she got in and you lost your head and instead of trusting Brandi and letting things happen the way they should, you messed it up. She’s having your baby, Travis. Man the fuck up.”
And before I can say a thing, she’s gone.
Man the fuck up.
The words haunt me through the tiredness that pulls, through hours of my shift.
When I’m home again, I sit in my personal vehicle, motor off, the cold seeping in along with the gathering night.
She was there again, when I stopped to grab some lunch. Fucking Jessica, this time trying to be a temptress instead of a victim. It’d have been funny if it hadn’t been pathetic. Then she turned the tears on and came at me. I didn’t stop and acknowledge her but… Shit.
I want to fix my life; I need to. But maybe fixing the past is important, too.
With a breath, I send Jessica a message, and then my brother.
My phone starts vibrating within seconds and without looking I know who it is. Guess that connection isn’t broken, after all.
“You asked me to call, here I am. With the rest… If I do this,” Tyler says carefully when I answer, “are you going to hit me again? I only ask because I have a surgery scheduled the day after and…”
My fucking brother, everyone.
It would be easy to fall right back into us with the opening he’s giving me. Even easier to ignore the past number of years, the hurt and pain and anger and betrayal.
But it would still be there. Waiting.
“I’m not going to hit you again, most likely,” I push out. “Even though you deserve it.”
There’s silence from him and in the background is the soft sounds of a hospital ward. “Jessica—” He stops. “I’m at work, so it’s not really the place to discuss it.”
“I know you didn’t hit her.”
“Yeah, well.” I hear him sigh deeply, and then he lowers his voice. “I don’t fucking do that shit. You should know that.”
“I’m going to talk to her.” The words are out. “She’s fucking with me and my life and I don’t need that. I’m not telling you this to keep your wife on a leash, but out of the courtesy the two of you didn’t give me when she cheated with you.”
He doesn’t say a word.
“I found someone. Someone special. And you both just walk right back into my life without a heads-up and—”
