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What to do.
I’ve given her space. I’ve tried to be there, holding back on everything I want to say and do.
Christ, I want to beg and plead and tell her how much she means to me, how relieved I am we only lost the baby when we did and I didn’t lose her.
Her ability to have kids hasn’t been taken.
We can always try again.
Together.
Yeah, I’ve always seen myself with kids in some vague down the line scenario, but I want Brandi more than any of that. Her life is worth more than a concept. Shit, there’s adoption, fostering, anything. The point is, the only reason I’m glad she can still have kids is because I know she wants them. That shone so bright in her face when she finally admitted she was pregnant.
But I’ve held back, kept my emotions under strict control so she could heal. I haven’t stalked or badgered or smothered. I’ve just been here. Waiting. Ready. For whatever it is she needs.
I just had no idea it was this.
“Brandi?”
She turns, faces the wall, and I see the boxes. “I don’t love you. We rushed into something out of lust and because of a baby that isn’t happening. The papers will come to you, and…” She turns back, green eyes bright in her beautiful face. Maybe a little too bright. At least there’s that. “And don’t worry, I don’t want anything from you.”
“That’s not—” Anger and pain stir up. “Damn it. I don’t think you’re out for money. Jesus.”
“Thanks for everything,” she says, her voice stiff. “But I think you should go. I have things to do.”
I stare at her.
What I want is to tell her there’s no fucking way she’s getting a divorce. I want to throw her over my shoulder and drag her sweet ass home and fuck her so hard she gives in.
But I can’t.
Because if this is what she wants, then…
Then I have to give it.
I’ve already been here before.
One woman who didn’t want me and cheated on me to prove it.
But Brandi?
Brandi wouldn’t cheat on me, I know that. She’s pure where Jessica’s corrupt. She’s giving where Jessica takes. She’s the kind of woman who, when you tease her open, is even more delicious.
Jessica could never in her wildest dreams compare.
No. Brandi wouldn’t cheat, but if I try to convince her to stay, I’ll make her hate me—worse, resent me—and that would kill me, hurt more than Jessica banging my brother ever did or could.
If she goes now, then at least I’m giving her what she wants. Right? Right?
She’ll walk away with my heart in her hand and my soul tied inextricably to hers.
I set everything down on the ground in front of her door. The food I got her. The little gifts, the fucking flowers. I just dump it and push a shaking hand through my hair.
“Is that what you want? Really want, because…” I suck in a breath. I make myself say it. “Because I’ll give it to you.”
“Yes.”
There’s my heart, right in my chest, ripping itself into pieces.
