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It takes a moment to realize what I’m looking at.
“Why the actual fuck are you dressed like my wife, trying to look like her?”
“Because you like this look on me. It’s why you settled for her, but now you have the real thing.”
I’m drunk enough that the anger starts to break through. “Tyler doesn’t want you at all, does he? I’m betting he worked that out years ago, but he’s a good enough guy that he stayed with you to try and make it work. I’m betting he left you and came here. He said you followed him.”
“Not for him. He loves his work more than me.” She pouts and it turns my stomach. “He loves his job, not me. And he’s not you.” She’s trying to persuade me, and failing.
“Fuck off, Jessica. We wouldn’t have worked. And—”
“I love you.”
I sidestep her as she grabs at me, her hands hitting nothing but air.
Good. I don’t want her touching me.
“No, you don’t. And I don’t love you. I never did. I wanted you, confused that with love. But let’s get one thing fucking straight. You got no chance with me, not while there’s still breath in my body and certainly not in Brandi’s.”
“You don’t mean that.” Her voice turns ugly and I ignore it. “She’s nothing.”
“I do. Brandi’s everything. You’re nothing like her, could never even hope to be like her. And it’s Brandi for me. Brandi is who I want. Not you. And now I know that my brother doesn’t want you either. So go and fuck off.”
I slam the door in her face.
For the first time since my life fell apart, I feel okay. It’s not going to last. Because nothing’s fixed. But that. She finally got the message. Loud and clear.
I head off to collapse on the couch once more and hope that sleep will come.
At least, sleep without the broken memory of my wife leaving me.
“What, Brian?” I snarl as I get out of my truck the next day, shoulders hunched against the cold. He’s fucking there, sitting on my swing, like he’s my ugly-ass sweetheart waiting for me to get home.
He taps his finger on his leg that rests on his knee. “You’ve avoided me for weeks.”
“There might be a reason for that, asshole.”
“Don’t tell me we broke up.” One glance at the grimace on my face and he gets up and crosses the porch, coming to meet me.
“Sorry, man,” he adds, not sounding sorry as he shoves his hands in his winter coat. “Didn’t mean that, but you know this sulking, hiding away, avoiding people isn’t going to win her back.”
“I’m not trying to win her back.” I push the words out through clenched teeth.
He stares at me while he’s trying to see if I’m telling the truth or not. When he sees it, he shakes his head. “Then you’re an idiot.”
“Didn’t you get the memo? She doesn’t want me. There’s no baby so there’s no reason for her to stay. Fuck.” I kick the step.
“Feeling better? Shit, you’re hard work when you feel sorry for yourself. I rode you hard about being with her, I know. But man, come on. Even I can see you’re hurting. That you love her. And Maya told me how you were, and how Brandi is. She’s pretending to be good but she’s not. You love her, so tell her. Fight for her, because you’re a miserable asshole without her.”
I push the heel of my hand into my forehead to get rid of the heavy thumping behind my eyes. “She told me she doesn’t love me.”
“How long after she lost the baby? I know it was early, but loss is loss.”
“Been talking to her doctor?” I ask. “She said the same thing to us when it happened.”
He ignores me. “I’m saying there’s been some time that’s passed and you’re licking wounds, she’s licking wounds, and trust me when I say it’s getting you nowhere real fast. Go and tell her. What’s the worst that can happen? She tells you what she’s already said, but if you don’t try, then you’re a fucking coward.”
My throat’s tight, burning. “Go, Brian.”
